Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune
by YamiTenshi
Summary: What if the sealing ceremony between Kyuubi and Naruto hadn't worked? What if Kyuubi took Naruto to be his foster son? A hell of a lot of chaos, that's what. Please R&R or die!
1. Blood Tells the Beginning

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Kitsune no Naruto

Tenshi: Hello lovely people of the anime nation! After being grounded since July, I return with a new story! Also, I found out someone drew a picture for one of my fanfictions! Thank you!

Chi: She was so moved she cried. And that's saying something.

Tenshi: Shut up!

Chi: Whose computer are you using?

Tenshi: …Anyway, I'll let you vote on chapter titles sometimes because I come up with more than one. Shall we begin?

0o0

_**Bold italic is demon speak.**_

_Italic is thoughts._

_Note: When with Kyuubi, Naruto speaks demon too, but it's easier to tell them apart if I don't font his._

_0o0_

Ch.1 Blood Tells The Beginning

The Konoha villagers stood shock. The fourth Hokage lay dead at their feet. His wife was found in an equally grim state, and the blood… It was everywhere… But what of the baby? Had it as well been destroyed by the beast? This is what they were left to ponder, the creature having finished its destruction here, leaving to elsewhere. What they, or no one else for that matter, knew that the boy had not been slain.

"**_Come now child. I shall make_** **_you to be in my glorious image. We will annihilate all who stand in out way. Hm… But what to name you? Names are a source of power, they should strike fear into the hearts of all, names that send a chill upon all who speak it. …Kitsune Naruto, as of tonight, you shall be of demon kin."_ **He stopped both his feet and mouth at the same time. Using his smallest claw (which was still ridiculously huge) he pricked the flesh of the child, then the flesh of his own body, letting droplets of blood fall into Naruto's wound. Kyuubi looked around for a place to sleep. He shifted size and took refuse in a cave.

The two slept until the sun had once again risen.

Twelve years later…

"Hey dad, wake up!" A voice called cheerfully.

"Five more minutes…" replied the tired fox.

"Get up Kyuubi." A new voice commanded icily.

This time, Kyuubi's eyes shot wide open. **_'OH MY GOD! It's my sister!'_** He sat up.

"**_Oh uh, hey Nanabi."_** He said as calmly as he could.

"**_Don't 'hey' me you stupid son of a bitch!"_** the wolf screeched as she furiously whipped around her seven tails, stirring a gust.

"**_You've been telling this cub for twelve years that he can go back to Konoha to wreak havoc and today's the day when he does! I was woken up at three AM by this!"_** she pointed at a boy with blonde hair that reached halfway down his back, a fox's ears and nine tails, and absolutely no clothes, running around in circles yelling, "I'm gonna destroy Konoha!" repeatedly.

Kyuubi slapped Naruto with his tail and the blonde stopped.

"Itai! What's that for dad?"

"_**For being stupid and waking your aunt and I at ungodly hours."**_

"**_It's noon."_** Nanabi pointed out.

"_**That's ungodly enough for me."**_

"_**Aho."**_

"_**When can I destroy Konoha?"**_

"_**Shut up son, I'm exchanging insults with Nanabi. But soon. Hey Nana-chan, destroying towns just for fun seems to have lost its luster hasn't it?"**_

"_**True. Even making the humans worship us isn't exciting anymore. And don't call me Nana-chan."**_

"_**So what shall Naruto do?"**_

"_**Search me."**_

"**_Ah! I know!"_** Kyuubi exclaimed as he clapped his paws together.

"_**What?"**_

"**_Get this, he'll infiltrate them and betray 'em all! The looks on their faces will be priceless!"_** Kyuubi cackled.

"**_That's not half bad… Let's go drop him off now!"_** Nanabi sprung for the cave's mouth but Kyuubi stopped her.

"**_No clothes."_** Almost instantly, Nanabi produced a raggedy poncho.

"…_**You really want to do this, don't you?"**_

"_**Damn right I do."**_

"_**So the poncho works, got anything else sis?"**_

"_**Not unless he wants to wear a dress."**_

"**_No way!"_** Naruto yelled as he resumed sprinting in circles.

"**_Sit!"_** Kyuubi ordered and Naruto obeyed, wagging his tails impatiently. Kyuubi smacked his son with his paw and when Naruto sat up, his ears and tails had disappeared,

"_**Call em back when you want, but it don't make you look human."**_

Naruto nodded as he pulled on the poncho, making sure the fabric didn't snag itself on his claws.

"**_All right kit, time for you to go."_** Naruto hugged Kyuubi before dashing off towards Konoha.

"_**Heh. I really feel like his dad."**_

"**_Get some cubs of your own. Stop abducting the humans."_**

"**_No, this one's enough."_**

0o0

And thus, the weird (and slightly romantic) adventure shall begin! Fanart greatly appreciated. I'll grant a request (within certain limits…) and if you have a neopets account, 3000 NP! Ja for now minna! ****


	2. Why's There A Demon In School?

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hello again! Voila! An update!

0o0

Ch.2 Why's there a Demon in School?

Or

Young Love Sucks, Especially when You're Engaged To A Rich Girl

0o0

As Naruto reached Konoha, he started receiving some odd stares. He stopped in the middle of town and glanced around. _'How intriguing.'_ He thought briefly.

"You're not a student at the academy are you?" a nearby man asked.

"Ne?"

"The ninja academy."

'_Sounds like a good place to start.'_

"No, Naruto just a wander."

"A wanderer you mean?" (Naruto doesn't speak good Japanese)

"Um… Yes."

"Really? So young?"

"Yes…" Naruto stepped back to turn to flee as the silver-haired man stepped forward. The man grabbed him roughly and walked away without even putting away his book.

"Who you be?" Naruto demanded angrily.

"…Just a ninja." The man replied with a masked grin. (Yes. It's Kakashi. Huzzah.)

"Where you take me?"

"Nowhere in particular."

'_Waitaminute! Maybe he'll take me to that academy place!'_ and he stopped struggling.

They stopped at a large building, in which the man was greeted as Kakashi. They entered an office where an old man sat calmly.

"I found this walking around in the middle of town." Kakashi said as he dropped Naruto on the ground.

"By all means, let's have a look at him." The two men eyed him.

"He needs clothes." The Hokage noted.

"And a bath."

"Can you read? Write?"

"Yes, Naruto can. This one's not stupid." Naruto replied defiantly.  
"By the way you talk, I'd beg to differ." While Naruto sorted out the insult, the Hokage and Kakashi continued to converse.

"Should we put him in training?" Kakashi asked.

"Why not? A few years and he'll do fine."

"Probably can't even control his chakra properly."

By this time, Naruto had figured out both insults and yelled,

"Hey! Who the hell you think you are?" Naruto snarled as he snapped his fingers, causing Kakashi's hair to burst into flame. The jonin put the fire out quickly with a pitcher of water from the Kazekage's desk and blinked at Naruto in amazement.

"Either leave this one alone or get this one out here!" The fox boy snarled.

"I'll make sure to make a recommendation. Shall we meet some of your new classmates?" Kakashi asked as he walked off with Naruto following close behind.

They entered a new building and as Kakashi opened the doors, several dozen heads turned to see who was entering the room. There were whispers and giggles from kids around Naruto's age, all of which he heard with his still acute hearing.

One girl in particular was shocked by this blonde boy's arrival.

Hyuuga Hinata.

'_It can't be…'_

_Flashback…_

_Hyuuga Hinata, age six sat in her backyard playing alone. There was a rustling in the bushes. She looked up._

"_Who's there?"_

_A blonde boy her age crawled out, naked of all things, and asked something in a series of yips and growls._

"_Eh?"_

_The boy thought a moment and repeated slowly._

"_What demon you be?"_

"_I'm… Human."_

"_Your eye, but." (That's how my brothers talk. Seriously.)_

_Hinata raised a hand to her face and asked, "My eyes?"_

"_Yeah, eye! Like my!" She looked at his eyes, blue as the sky with cat pupils._

_She gasped because she'd heard about demons, and after a few silent minutes in which she was repeatedly sniffed at by the boy before she said,_

"_You're naked."_

"_Ne?"_

"_Hang on a minute." She ran back inside and returned shortly after, arms overflowing with clothes._

"_Here!"_

_Most of them were girlish type clothes, but they managed to find a dark blue Chinese style shirt and pants that fit him well._

"_My name is Hyuuga Hinata. Who are you?"_

"_Kitsune Naruto." _

_Hinata looked away shyly as she asked, "Do you want to play?"_

"_Okay!" Naruto replied with a wide grin as he wagged his tails._

"_Why do you have tails? And ears like that?"_

_Naruto sat silently for a minute before barking out 'Prey!', the demon equivalent of tag and tapping her shoulder then dashing off._

"_Hey Naruto-kun…" Hinata said as they laid on the grass beside each other after the game._

"_Yes Hinata-chan?" She blushed before answering._

"_When we grow up, I'll be your bride!"_

_Naruto cocked his head in confusion and tilted his ears forward._

"_What bride?"_

"_If two people get married, it's a promise to stay together forever."_

"_Merry?"_

"_Marry."_

"_What good thing to say?"_

"_I don't… Know."_

"_Wait! Rati-sensei, she say something about this! It was…So we engage now?"_

"_That sounds about right."_

"_Yeah, she say I supposed to do this!" He pressed his lips to hers, turning her six shades of red darker._

_End flashback…_

'_Eee! What if that's him and he remembers that?'_ Hinata panicked, pulled up her hood, closed her eyes, covered her face, and prayed that it was just a coincidence as she sunk lower in her chair.

'_I smell something familiar…'_ Naruto thought as he tried to remember where he'd last scented it. _'Oh!' _ In the blink of an eye, he was at Hinata's side and breathed in deeply to verify his suspicions. He pulled back her hood, grinning largely.

In shock, she looked up at him eyes wide.

"How'd you-"

"Your scent Hinata-chan!"

"You know this person Hyuuga?" Iruka asked.

"Not really…" She replied as Naruto retorted,

"Yes she do!" His and Hinata's eyes met and he smiled.

'_Please don't say it Naruto!'_ she begged silently.

Instead of saying 'that thing', he bent over and kissed her. She nearly melted in happiness with his lips against hers, catcalls and whistles resounding. And then he said it.

"She my bride!" There was a silence before someone screamed,

"WHAT THE HELL!" And then everyone was in an uproar.

Hinata looked down at her desk, avoiding the shocked looks she was receiving. (Plus one very hurt one she was getting from Kiba. Aww.) There was a silence between the chunin and the jonin at the front of the room.

"Who are you anyway kid?" Iruka asked when he managed to quiet the student population.

"Kitsune Naruto!"

At that moment, Neji, who stood at the back of the room waiting for Hinata to graduate, was leaning to rest his elbow on an empty desk, and after hearing this particular news snippet, missed completely and fell over. All eyes stared openly as he slowly sat up.

"I thought that was just you imaginary friend Hinata-sama… He's real?"

"This one is standing right here isn't he Neji?" Naruto asked the male Hyuuga.

"How do you know my name?"

"On meeting day with her, Naruto also meet you."

_Flashback…Again…_

_As Naruto bid adieu to Hinata, Neji approached the pair with an angry look on his face._

"_A demon like you will never marry her!"_

"_Why not Neji-nii?" Hinata asked as she stepped back from her cousin._

"_I won't let him! Get out of here you filthy demon!" Neji screamed as he started pelting Naruto with rocks._

"_Stop it Neji-nii! Naruto-kun, come back!" Hinata chased after the blonde, who didn't stop until they were in the woods and she managed to grab one of his tails. He yelped in pain and drew his injured tail close._

"_Naruto-kun… I'm sorry…" Hinata whispered._

"_S'okay Hinata-chan."_

_Little did they know, Neji had followed them and currently watched the scene._

"_You marry someone else now right? Because Naruto not good enough?" He turned away and added, "Ja ne."_

_In a move using all her boldness, she spun him around and kissed him, like he'd done to her. He kissed her back and Neji charged into the clearing._

"_Go away demon! We don't want you!"_

_And Naruto started to run again. When he disappeared into the distance, Hinata glared at Neji before yelling,_

"_Neji-nii! I hate you! I'm in love with Naruto and I'll marry him, so there!"_

_End flashback…Again…_

"Ah…" Neji said in remembrance.

Returning to his senses, he lunged towards Naruto, who merely set his hair on fire. As the Hyuuga put out the flame, everyone stared, openmouthed.

'_He can…Make fire without hand signs…' _A young ninja with hair shaped like a chicken's ass thought. (Sasuke.)

"Don't worry about it Neji, he pulled that on me too." Kakashi said with a smirk.

"Anyway… Now that you've all graduated, it's time to go. We'll assign your teams tomorrow." Iruka said after firmly clearing his throat. As they all began to leave Iruka continued,

"Er… What was your name again? Naruto? Yes, you come over here." Naruto stole another kiss from Hinata before walking over to Iruka.

"Yeah?"

"Pass the test and we'll place you in a cell."

And that's what he did. Naruto passed with flying colors.

"Can I be with Hinata?"

Kakashi smiled and answered, "Absolutely not. Good luck convincing her dad she's marrying you though."

Iruka handed him the hitai-ate and said, "We've got an empty apartment you could stay in."

"Yeah and?"

"…Good luck convincing Hiashi."

Naruto grinned as he took the directions to his new apartment and ran out the door.

"Ah. Young love eh?" Kakashi asked as he walked out, book in hand.

0o0

Yes! Review please! And vote on which should be the title! And now for a random fact!

Every day, sixteen Canadians have their appendixes unnecessarily removed.

Ja until later!


	3. Shit Happens When You Go To School Naked

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Whoo! Double update! Thinking of raising the rating. After looking back on my writing of this, the earlier stuff (ch 1 to about 13 maybe…) is more T. From 14-20 it's very more M-ish. Think I should change it now or later? Also, if Naruto's poor speaking annoys you, this is the last chapter in which it happens.

0o0

Ch.3

Who Goes to School Naked?

Or

Shit Happens When You Go To School Naked

(Last one is so true.)

0o0

Naruto ran as fast as he could to meet Hinata at her house. (He beat her by an hour, but who's keeping track?) When she opened the door, Hinata squeaked in shock as he glomped her upon entrance, ignoring the extremely pissed off Neji standing behind her.

"N-naruto-kun!"

"Yes Hinata-chan?"

"Um… Neji-nii is…"

"Go get some clothes demon. You're disgraceful." Neji muttered.

"Okay." Naruto shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

"What?"

"We go now Hinata-chan!" Naruto yelled as he ran, dragging her by the arm.

"Naruto-kun! I can't run as fast as you!"

Hearing this, Naruto pulled her onto his back and kept on going. Hinata's hear was in her throat and she squeezed herself as close as she ccould to Naruto.

'_He's so warm…'_ He stopped in the marked and let Hinata down.

"Where to first?" And it was Hinata's turn to lead him.

After an hour or so of shopping, she deemed him suitable to be seen in public. He kissed here cheek as he left to find his apartment.

The next day…

"Where is that idiot?" Iruka grumbled as he noticed Naruto's absence.

The door slid open and Naruto walked in.

Naked.

For the first time, his new classmates realized that not only was he ripped, he was packin'. (If you know what I mean.) Nearly every guy (see that I said _nearly_) looked away, several girls swooned, Hinata _outright fainted_, and Sasuke's nose bled slightly as he averted his eyes. Approximately a minute later when Hinata had been revived, she yelled,

"I got you clothes so you wouldn't have to walk around naked!"

"Oh. Naruto didn't know how to put them on."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Help this one please."

He said this in a manner in which his effeminate mouth pouted slightly, causing several more girls to faint. And Sasuke's nose bled in a renewed vigor.

"We'll help!" The previously unconscious girls jumped up and screamed.

"Nah, Hinata help." Naruto said as he took her by the hand.

"Try to figure it out on your own."

"Okay…" He walked out and returned several minutes later. During that time, more than one girl asked if she would break off her engagement to Naruto.

Naruto returned, donned in that orange jumpsuit we all know.

"This one didn't know what to do with these." He said as he held up a pair of black boxers.

"…You have no shame, do you?" she sighed.

Naruto dropped the boxers and picked at the fabric of his jumpsuit warily. His newfound fangirls started a catfight over the boxers that went ignored. There were a couple of murmurs of him still not being as sexy as Sasuke.

"Who Sasuke?" the fox boy demanded.

A couple of people pointed at the Uchiha. Naruto leapt onto the nin's desk and stared him down. The person sitting behind Naruto turned to see what was going on, accidentally knocking Naruto towards Sasuke.

The pair's lips met for a brief moment before Naruto leaped back and set not only the Sasuke's hair alight, but the rest of him as well.

"Oops." Naruto muttered as he put out the flames with a wave of his hand.

Sasuke sat up, slightly frazzled, pissed beyond mention, and utterly in love.

All who'd seen it happen froze in horror as they wondered what Sasuke would do. Nothing happened, although Sasuke's charred shirt gave up and fell to ashes, so Naruto gave him his own jacket, leaving himself topless again. (No shirt beneath it.) Sasuke sat stoic through the last two sentences.

"Is that all you can do dobe?"

"No. Why you think you so great?"

"Because I am."

Naruto was about to tell Sasuke to stick his greatness where the sun don't shine, but in less nice words (such as, you can take your greatness and shove it up your ass then choke on it. Chi: That's something Tenbi would say. Tenbi: You got a problem?! Chi: Why am I surrounded by idiots?) but the first cell was announced so everyone stopped and shut up to be assigned.

When Naruto found himself with some girl (not Hinata) and Sasuke he gave a disgusted bark.

"You again? Well, this'll be interesting." Kakashi said as he walked into the room, extremely late.

'_This is going to take a while…'_ Naruto sighed.

0o0

Whoo! Two chapters in a day! I'm on a roll! Let's see if I can make it three!


	4. Foxes, Crazy Redheads, and Thong Models!

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Whoo! Let's go!

0o0

Ch.4

Hey A Time Jump! (Just a Year)

or

Murderer Plus Demon Equals Arrested

or

Foxes, Crazy Redheads, And Thong Models Oh My!

(VOTE PLEASE!)

0o0

One year later…

Naruto sighed as he left the Hyuuga mansion. This was the 545th time Hiashi had refused to let him marry Hinata. He muttered darkly as he kicked a stone, sending it into the bushes before it hit someone.

"Ah! Gomen!" he apologized as he ran towards the form that turned out to be Sabaku no Gaara. (Nauruto's speaking has improved a lot. Sakura hated how he spoke so she tutored him.)

"Hey Gaara-kun. Sorry about the rock." He helped the redhead up.

"Why must you be so friendly to me? Most people would run screaming if they did so much as see me."

"We demons gotta stick together."

"You look normal enough."

"Pah, this isn't how I really look." Naruto scoffed as he let out his ears and tails.

His claws and fangs were battle ready, eyes reduced to the cat pupil state, and he winced as there was a loud cracking noise. He lifted up his pant cuff to reveal his legs had become like those of a fox.

"That last part was new." He remarked dryly.

Gaara blinked, astonished, and took an involuntary step back. Noticing this, Naruto said, "Yeah that usually catches people off guard."

Gaara composed himself and said nothing.

"So what're you doing way out here?"

"I don't know."

"Just wandering?"

"I guess."

"Wanna hang out?"

"Ne?"

"So you don't?"

"But why with me? I'm a monster, a murderer…"

"And I'm a demon so let's go." Naruto said as he turned, taking Gaara by the hand. Gaara unable to otherwise convince Naruto that he wasn't going, he let himself get dragged along.

"Maybe you should change back." He instead suggested.

Naruto wagged one of his tails and changed back to normal.

"Thanks Gaara-kun." Naruto replied as he smiled.

"_What is wrong with him?'_ Gaara wondered as a faint blush crept across his face.

Almost as soon as they stepped into the main square, they were arrested. The AKatsuke grabbed them and hauled them off to Kami knows where.

Several minutes later, they all sat at a square table in a grey room. Above them a light bulb glowed dimly. Across the pair sat two agents, one with a bird mask, the other a tiger.

"So… What're we here for?" Naruto asked calmly.

"You are here for being seen with a suspicious person."

"Really? That's all?"

"Yes." The man in the bird mask replied.

"I think that's kinda stupid."

"We didn't ask you what you thought. We don't care. Do you think you know why Gaara is a suspicious person?"

"You just told me you didn't care what I thought."

"…" Bird man sighed. "Now why were you with him?"

"And what are you doing in Konoha?" the cat man demanded Gaara.

"…"

"Are we being interrogated?"

"Yes."

"Cool! I 've never been interrogated before!" Naruto cheered, glad his question had been ansered. The Akatsuki members sweatdropped and continued.

"Why were you seen with this-!"

Just then, the door opened, revealing Itachi.

"Hey look! It's Sasuke's brother!" Itachi stared at the boy pointing at him.

"Where's Sasuke?" he asked.

"What?"

"I heard you got arrested so I figured it was because of him."

"…What?"

"Hey guess what?"

"What?"

"I have toast in my locker!"

"You guys have lockers?"

"Kind of." Cat man sighed.

"Guess what else?"

"What?"

"I like pie!"

"Okay…"

"Please make my brother happy!"

"What?"

"You know what else else?"

"What?"

"I'm a part-time thong model!"

And with that, he ripped off all his clothes, revealing a tiger striped thong from which he pulled a black book with a lock. Meanwhile, Bird-man was muttering something that sounded an awful lot like, 'Not again…'

"By the way, the next time you see my brother, could you give him his diary back?" Itachi asked as he tossed the book to Naruto.

He then went on his merry way without even stopping to put his clothes back on. As he stepped into the hall, he was followed by Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu all of whom kept singing, "Don't tie the knot, don't tie the knot." Repeatedly.

"What the hell was that!" Naruto demanded as he pointed at the now empty doorframe. The Akatsuki just sighed.

"So…Why were you with Gaara?" The cat man asked.

"We were hanging out." Cat look to bird for verification.

"He's telling the truth."

"Can we go now?'

"One more question. Gaara, why wre you with this boy?"

Keeping the straightest face he could, he replied, "We were on a date."

"Um…" Was how the interrogaters responded and even though they wore masks, it was obvious they were blushing. Too much had happened in the last five minutes for anything else.

"Er… You're free to go." They said.

"Arigatou!" Naruto chirped brightly. Gaara put his hand around Naruto's waist, to make his lie believable and they walked out, leaving the two men behind, dumbfounded.

"…"

"I hear ya man." Cat sighed.

0o0

Hooray! Super fast update!


	5. Shannaro! Naruto and Gaara on a Date?

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Again let's go!

Chi: When was the last time you put on a disclaimer?

Tenshi: Wakaranai. It's not like there are disclaimer police-

Disclaimer Police: You're under arrest!

Tenshi: Or anything… Um… Dammit. Well, enjoy the chapter while I go get interrogated! Ja!

0o0

Ch.5 Shannaro! Naruto and Gaara on a Date?!

0o0

Once they'd left the building, Gaara pulled Naruto even closer and they disappeared in a swirl of sand. They landed near Naruto's apartment and the blonde led the redhead in.

"Wow Gaara-kun, you lie pretty well."

"Is that a compliment?"

"I guess."

"Ah."

Naruto took Gaara into his tiny bathroom.

"Not that that wasn't fun and all, but we should probably avoid getting arrested again. Close your eyes." Gaara did so, and endured about eight minutes of random poking pushing, and powdering of his face.

"Done." Naruto stated after he finished.

Gaara opened his eyes and looked in the mirror. His tattoo and eye markings had been well disguised, eyebrows had been penciled on artfully, and his hair was different, although he couldn't tell how. (Kyuubi kidnapped humans. You know that already. Naruto learned things from those humans before they were eaten. Which is why he's got some odd skills.)

"Let's go change your clothes." Naruto said as he pulled Gaara after him again.

He let Gaara pick out a black shirt with the sign of a Konoha leaf on it and a pair of tan shorts.

"Um…" the sand nin said as he stood, blushing.

"Yes?"

"Could you look the other way?"

"Why?"

"It's embarrassing!"

"Oh." Naruto looked away.

'_What's wrong with me? Why does this boy make me feel like this? A warm feeling inside just from his smile… I'm confused…'_ Gaara thought as he changed, flesh tingling at the cool fabric.

"Er… Should we go?" he asked as he tapped Naruto on the shoulder.

"Yes!" Naruto said with his usual vulpine grin.

Gaara moved to pick up his gourd, which was now resting in the corner by the door.

"You should probably leave that here." Naruto said. Gaara seemed pained as he left it.

"Gomen gourd-san." Naruto said as he walked out the door with Gaara.

"So what do you want to do?" Naruto asked as they exited the apartment complex and entered free air. Gaara shrugged indifferently, so Naruto gave him the grand tour.

Of course, they stopped at Ichiraku. As Naruto devoured a mass of ramen, Gaara wondered if the blonde could afford that much food, then asked so.

"Uh… I think so!" was the reply.

Turns out he couldn't.

"Gomen na, Gaara-kun. I'm sorry you have to do this." Naruto apologized for the umpteenth time as they scrubbed out bowls.

"I told you already, it's okay." Gaara sighed as he rinsed off a clean bowl.

"But I really am sorry!"

"I never said you weren't."

"But…"

"Lighten up. It's fine." Gaara said, as he flicked some warm water from his fingertips onto Naruto. _'Did I just say what I think I did?'_ He wondered briefly to himself, it being strange that Sabaku no Gaara, murderer of many, told someone to lighten up. _'But this boy does make me do strange things…'_

Naruto, just about as shocked at what Gaara said, recovered quickly and smiled. He sprayed Gaara with a quick shot from the sink's nozzle playfully.

"Is water your weakness Gaara-kun?" Naruto asked in a teasing manner as the sand nin sputtered.

An aura of darkness seemed to surround the Kazekage and Naruto became wide-eyed in fear.

'_Maybe I shouldn't have done that…'_

"Uh… Gaara-kun… I'm sorry about that… Onegai, don't kill me!" Naruto apologized once again, momentarily forgetting that he could overpower the other shinobi with his demon skills. Gaara grabbed the nozzle, which Naruto had let drop into the sink and sprayed the fox in the face for several seconds.

"How about you? Is it your weakness?"

Finally realizing that Gaara was teasing him, Naruto called on the power of water and sent the entire sink load of liquid in wave form crashing down onto Gaara, bringing the redhead to the floor.

'_Oh. I forgot my control over water was so bad.'_

"Are you okay Gaara-kun?" Naruto asked as he kneeled down, trying to get a response from the motionless Kazekage. No reply.

'_Oh no! I killed him!'_ Naruto thought and started crying as he placed his face on Gaara's soaked chest.

"Don't die Gaara! I'd miss you!" the fox sobbed, not noticing the small smile the supposedly dead boy gave as he heard the words.

'_What would the humans do right now? Don't they have a thing? CTR? Yeah, I'll try that!'_

Naruto lifted his face and picked up Gaara tenderly, tilting his face towards his own. As if in slow motion, his lips drew closer and closer to Gaara's.

'_What's he doing? Is he going to…Kiss me?'_ Gaara speculated, blushing and trying to decide if he should let the blonde attempt CPR or not. He went with the latter.

Gaara grabbed Naruto into a chokehold, surprising the fox to the extent of releasing his ears, which smacked Gaara in the face.

"Gaara-kun… You're okay… But… Can't breathe…" Naruto gasped, struggling to get air.

"Oh. Gomen." Gaara said as he released the blonde, who took a half minute to recover.

"You tricked me! I thought you were dead!" Naruto yelled, startling Gaara with the outburst.

"I didn't think you'd think I was dead! Aren't foxes supposed to be the tricksters?" Gaara argued back. Tears started to form unexpectedly in Naruto's eyes, further shocking Gaara.

"You tricked me! Itazurakko! You made me worry!" Naruto cried as he punched Gaara's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. As Gaara wheezed, Naruto had begun to wail loudly and Ichiraku wondered if he should check in on the boys. Naruto wrapped his arms around Gaara's neck and buried his face into the still saturated cloth and continued to cry.

"Don't scare me like that!" Naruto commanded through a combination of tears and hiccups, causing Gaara to blush._ 'He…Cares about me…'_

"I'll try not to." Gaara assured him and warily put his arms around Naruto's shoulders in a stiff embrace.

Naruto stood up as he gently pushed Gaara away and exhaled deeply, calling on his favored element. A field of fire surrounded him and steam rose as the water covering the floor and themselves evaporated. He smiled at Gaara again.

"Let's finish those dishes ne?"

Once they did (and Naruto had hidden his demon ears), they roamed the streets once more. Naruto noticed Gaara who was intrigued by a claw machine in an arcade. (Bet they've got pong!)

"You want to try?" Naruto asked and Gaara nodded shyly. Naruto scrounged through all his pant pockets, proceeded to _remove_ his pants, held them upside down and shook them in hopes that the needed coin would fall out (which it did). The fox bent over, still holding his shorts in one hand, and picked up the ten yen coin.

"Here!" Naruto said with a grin as he handed the coin to Gaara who took it with a nod of thanks.

Gaara inserted the coin into the machine, then guided and dropped the claw randomly. He somehow managed to pull up five things that looked like a cross between a Puchu and a Moogle and dropped them into the prize slot.

"Wow Gaara-kun! You're really good!" Naruto, who had failed to put his shorts back on, exclaimed as he glomped the sand nin happily.

Gaara did not hug him back, he did, however, give the evil eye to anyone who dared to stare.

"Put your pants back on." Gaara said as he was dragged to a photo booth by Naruto, who stopped to do so.

When they entered the booth Gaara asked the purpose of the activity.

"So we can have something to remember today by! Now you gotta pose I think!" Naruto replied, eyes twinkling because he'd never used a photo booth before. (BTW Gaara paid for this. He recently remembered he had his wallet. Naruto had insisted on paying for the ramen so he forgot.) What Naruto did not know was that they had entered a _couples_ photo booth and remained oblivious to the whispers he and Gaara received as their pictures were taken.

About a dozen booths had been set up on the sides of the streets since the beginning of the week, and the akuma duo browsed through them.

"Hey Gaara-kun! Look over here!" Naruto said as he tugged on Gaara's sleeve and pointed to a rather… Unique booth.

Naruto placed a pair of cat ears on Gaara's head that matched his fiery hair color almost perfectly.

"Neko mimi mode ne!" Naruto grinned and Gaara gave a small smile back, and placed a pair of ears on Naruto as well. The owner of the sex supply booth (yes you read right) sighed, exasperated.

"Are you two gonna stand there flirtin' all day or are you gonna buy somethin'?"

The pair blushed at his words and Gaara paid for the ears, then was surprised when the owner handed him another bag.

"It's a set. Each pair of ears comes with matching tails, a collar, and a chain. Have fun."

Naruto smiled at the deal, Gaara wondered what the owner meant, and the owner then asked,

"Which one of you leads?"

"Eh?" Naruto blinked confused as he and Gaara met eyes.

"Well, I've been leading him all day." Naruto replied, not understanding the purpose of the question.

"Ah." The man replied, then nodded. _'Never thought a couple of queers would drop in.'_

"Ja ne!" Naruto waved goodbye as he started towards the forest.

"I'm gonna have you meet my dad."

Gaara said nothing and they took their time until the rain began. Naruto muttered a demon curse and he ran swiftly, leading Gaara into Kyuubi's cave. Naruto called out in fox, his words echoing through the walls.

"He must be out…"

"Doing what?" Gaara wondered aloud.

"Destroying towns and whatnot."

"Ah."

Naruto removed his pair of cat ears, then Gaara's and put them in the bag with the other accessories. His eyes scoured the darkness, until he found a ring of rocks in which he lit a fire, setting shadows dancing.

"Your makeup is starting to run." Naruto pointed out to Gaara, who wiped it away as they sat beside each other on some soft material.

"What is this?" Gaara asked as he ran some of it through his fingers.

"Some of dad's pelt. He probably shed his winter coat." Naruto explained.

"…So what now?" Gaara asked after an awkward silence.

"I dunno… Let's read Sasuke's diary!"

0o0

Tenshi: I did it! One thousand seven hundred twenty words!

DP: Shut up!

Tenshi: Hey, I'm trying to announce my accomplishment! The next chapter however, will be relatively short seeing as I'm devoting it entirely to some of Sasuke's diary entries.

DP: Don't make us get the taiser.

Tenshi: I'll be finished in a bit! Ja until later my beloved readers!

DP: TAISER, TAISER, TAISER:shoots Tenshi with taiser:

Tenshi: J-ja… Bastard…

DP: What was that:hits Tenshi with nightstick:

Tenshi: …I hope you liked the chapter…


	6. Let's Read Sasuke's Diary!

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Tenshi: Due to my new disclaimer probation, I have to put on disclaimers.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, the story would be totally screwed up.

0o0

Ch.6 Let's Read Sasuke's Diary!

Naruto opened the diary to the first page and made the flames dance higher for a better light and began to read.

_Dear Diary,_

_I just got assigned my cell. I'm stuck with one of my fangirls and this little freak called Kitsune Naruto.'_

"Who's he calling little? I'm as tall as he is!"

_But anyway, Kitsune Naruto. What kind of name is that? Oh yeah, I accidentally kissed him, he freaks out, and then **sets me on fire**. What's his deal? …Strange as it may seem diary, I think I like him... (Blushes)_

The two boys looked at each other, shocked, and read on, skipping a couple pages.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's very strange. Naruto-kun_ (this, by the way had little hearts drawn all around it)_ said hi to me today and my stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. I daydream about him. I imagine me and him at the beach and-Ah, it's too embarrassing to say! _ (Small drawing of Sasuke blushing)_ Kakashi-sensei noticed and asked if I was sick. I said maybe. He said to get some rest. I couldn't though. You wanna know why? Because I dreamed of Naruto-kun _(more small hearts)_... Sigh… I think maybe I am sick…_

"Naruto…"

"Yeah?"

"I think he likes you."

"I hope not."

And the two kept on.

_Dear Diary,_

_I still have Naruto-kun's jacket _(lots of little hearts and a very small thing that possibly says SQUEE!)_. You know, the one he gave me when he set me on fire. I like to smell it sometimes. It smells like him, even though I'm pretty sure he only wore it once._

"I wondered what happened to it!" Naruto exclaimed as Gaara sighed.

"How long ago did that happen?"

"About a year I think…"

"…"

_Today however, I noticed it didn't smell like anything, so I snuck into his apartment and switched it with one from his laundry basket. His apartment's cluttered, but I can imagine a sleepover there or something… That table is enticing… We could- NO! BAD THOUGHTS! BAD THOUGHTS! Dammit, I'm bleeding on you. _(several drops of dried blood)_ But still…Maybe I can 'accidentally' get myself locked out of my house and he'd invite me over… Um… Where was I? Oh yeah! The jacket! It smells just like him. I like to hold it in my sleep. And um… Do things to it… (blush)_

Naruto, who happened to be wearing one of the said jackets, ripped it off and flung it to the other side of the cave.

"I don't know what he's talking about, and I don't think I want to!"

"…" Gaara turned a few more pages.

_Dear diary,_

_I fell on Naruto-kun today. _(shitload of hearts, etc…)_ It wasn't my fault, the dobe stopped right in front of me! Oh, that's my pet name for him. Dobe, I mean. Oh, anyway, I crashed into him and we ended up in a pile. The funny thing is diary, I didn't want to get up. I daydreamed while we were like that. He k-k-Eee! It's so embarrassing! (Major blush!) He brought me back down to Earth when he complained that I was heavy and needed to get up. Then he just threw me off (_so_ rude!), so I yelled at him, and he yelled back, and now I feel **really** bad. I wonder what he thinks of me?_

"I think you're insane, that's what I think."

_Diary,_

_I'm worried. I yelled at Naruto again today. (frown) What if he hates me? He doesn't hate me, right?_

_Dear diary, _

_swapped jackets again. Glad he hasn't noticed. And I stole some of his underwear. I wear it. I'm wearing one of his pairs of boxers right now._

Naruto, fully prepared to strip his underwear off, stood up to do so, but Gaara grabbed his arm.

"Read the next sentence!"

_I don't think I'll bring these back though. Really glad he hasn't noticed._

"That's it! The next time I see him, I'm setting his ass on fire!"

"Calm down." Gaara said as he turned a couple more pages.

_Diary,_

_Things have gotten really weird lately. It's gotten to the point where I can hardly speak to him anymore. My stomach aches, and my palms sweat, and my heart beats like a drum. I don't believe it… I think I'm **in love**__with Naruto!_

_Dear diary,_

_There's no doubt about it. I love him. I love everything about him. His naivety, his soft golden hair frames his face so perfectly, his blue eyes are like the sky on a cloudless day. He looks like an angel… Maybe he fell down to Earth just to meet me…Kyaa! That's such a girly thing to say!_

"If only he knew how wrong he was about me being an angel…" Naruto sighed, having met one of those celestial beings before. Very different than you think. Not so holy.

_But…It's not like it couldn't be true! I've seen strange things about him. Like, he can jump REALLY high, almost like he's flying, his stamina is ridiculous (of course, that's not always a bad thing. Wink, wink…) , plus the whole setting people on fire thing. But… Maybe setting people on fire isn't exactly the best definition of an angel. I wanna hold him…And kiss him…(THERE! I SAID IT!) And make everything in his life okay… We make the perfect romantic comedy couple! He is completely rape-able. Naruto has the cutest ass on the face of the planet. Besides me, of course. Plus, his scars are cute too. And his body. And everything. And his eyes, but I think I already said that… Oh, when he gets mad, it's **so** adorable!_

"Cute? How many times did he use the word cute to describe me?" Naruto demanded as Gaara began to count.

"He actually said it twice. But he intended it about five times."

"I'll show him cute!" Naruto said, gnashing his teeth together.

"Maybe we should… Stop reading it…" Gaara suggested, then sneezed.

"You're shivering Gaara-kun." Naruto's anger dissipated to concern.

"It's okay. I'm just not used to this weather." Gaara tried to brush the subject away, but failed.

"Doesn't it rain in the desert?"

"Not that often."

Naruto placed a hand onto Gaara's forehead.

"Oh! You're burning up!" the blonde exclaimed.

"I'm fine…" Gaara said as he stood up. He took a step, then had to grip onto the cave wall to prevent himself from falling over due to dizziness.

"See! You are sick!"

"How could I be?"

"For starters, you're still wearing that wet shirt." Naruto said as he stepped forward to remove it.

Gaara slapped his hand away and instantly regretted it. Since coming into the cavern, Naruto had reverted to sub-fox form, and his ears drooped sadly, as a hurt look was upon his face. When he made no further attempts to come any closer, Gaara gave several faulty steps and collapsed. Naruto grabbed him before he hit the ground and laid him down gently. Gaara made no effort to stop Naruto from peeling off his shirt.

"I don't think… I've ever been sick before…" Gaara admitted. (Which, by the way, is rather amazing considering how much blood he's around.)

"Then it's good your sick because it means you're smart."

"What?"

"There's an expression, 'the idiot never catches a cold'." Naruto explained.

"…"

"I try not to get sick. Dad's unforgiving when it comes to training. No matter what was going on, I always had to train. This one time, we visited Shibi-oba, she's a dog demon by the way, and she lives on this mountain. It's twenty miles around, and he made me run forty laps around it. There was a half foot of snow!"

Gaara blanched as he calculated the distance. (Which, in case you care, was 800 MILES!)(IN THE SNOW!)(AND HE NEVER WORE CLOTHES!!!)

"And another time, I broke my leg in seven places and I still did element training."

And thus, Naruto launched into a series of memories of being burned, broken, beat, nearly decapitated (now _that's_ a fun story. Too bad I don't know it.), and generally being run down into the dirt.

"Yeah… Compared to that, ninja training is a walk in the park."

Gaara said nothing and Naruto wondered if he'd talked too much.

"Gomen…" he apologized.

"There you go apologizing again… Don't be sorry. It was interesting."

Naruto smiled, and his grin grew broader as the click of claws on stone started, then drew closer…

0o0

Tenshi: HA! I leave you in suspense! Who could it be? Kyuubi? Nanabi? Sanbi? (Wait… She doesn't come in until later…) Or is it someone else? MWAHAHAHAHA!


	7. Demon Troubles

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Tenshi: Hey peoples! As always, I love you and all your reviews! Even if they're bad!

Chi: She's that desperate. :turns page in book:

Tenshi: Shut up! But here's the new chapter! Please note that they are answers at the end to some questions that may pop up! You might wanna read them so I don't have to explain! And I'm still on probation so…

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I'd be famous. And Sasuke would be a stalker.

Senyor Fier Mensheir, you think last chapter was fucked up? Wait until you read this chappie!

0o0

Ch.7 Demon Troubles

_**Bold italic is demon speak**_

0o0

"_**Hello kit."**_

"**_Dad!"_** Naruto yipped happily as he rushed from Gaara's side on all fours to greet the fox.

"_**What're you doing here kit?"**_

"**_Unya, it started raining so me and Gaara-kun came here. Oh, and I wanted him to meet you!" _**Naruto said, rubbing against Kyuubi's leg like a cat.

"_**Gaara eh?"**_

"_**Yeah, he's Shukaku's vessel!"**_

Kyuubi peered at the coughing boy and tilted his head.

"_**Is he gonna be okay?"**_

"_**I think so. He got sick."**_

"**_How many times have I told you not to bring humans over?"_** Kyuubi asked with a disapproving sigh.

"**_I dunno…"_** Naruto replied, twitching his ears.

"…_**Let's see…The only time you ever mentioned bringing a human over was when you met some girl you wanted to mate with."**_

"_**Um…Hinata-chan?"**_

"_**I don't know her name, kit. Why would I? All I know was you wanted to screw her really badly."**_

"**_Dad! How can you say something like that in front of company?"_** Naruto yelped, embarrassed.

"**_It's not like it's a big deal. Everyone goes through a phase like that. He's human anyway."_** Kyuubi said nonchalantly, scratching his ear lazily.

"_**But what if Shukaku's translating?"**_

"**_Then you're screwed kit!"_** Kyuubi cackled, alarming Gaara and causing Naruto to blanch.

"_**You're so mean…"**_

"**_Life's mean. Deal with it." _**Was the answer that came from Kyuubi.

"_**Dad, if you do anything to embarrass me when he's here…"**_

"_**You'll what? Poke me with one of those human knives? Kit, you're millennia away from beating me."**_

(Quick fact, Did you know the plural of millennia is millennia? Weird ne?)

"**_What's the big deal anyway? Is he a special friend?"_** Kyuubi leered at Naruto with a dark grin.

"_**No! We're not like that!"**_

"_**Methinks the boy doth protest too much."**_

"**_Dad! I'm telling you, we're not like that!"_** Naruto blushed shamefacedly.

Gaara wondered what was going on between the two, but decided not to ask.

"_**I smell Naruto. Is he here?"**_

"**_Nanabi!"_** Naruto barked cheerfully.

"**_Hey cub. What's the human here for?"_**

As Naruto explained Gaara's presence, Kyuubi leaned over towards Gaara and whispered in Japanese,

"You seem to be handling this well."

"…" Gaara blinked, almost disbelieving what was happening.

Kyuubi rounded on his sister, who was shooting the breeze with Naruto like she wasn't intruding on her brother.

"**_Who the hell invited you?" _**he demanded.

"_**No one. But who gives a damn?"**_

"_**I do!"**_

"_**So Naruto…"**_

"_**Don't ignore me!"**_

"_**Naruto, what's your relationship with the human? Is he a **special** friend?"**_

"_**I keep telling you two we're not like that! We're just friends! Maybe best friends!"**_

"**_Maybe more."_ **Nanabi smirked.

"_**AGH! Would you two shut up!"**_

Nanabi and Kyuubi exchanged a sly grin, then starting trotting around the cave, saying in a singsong tone,

"_**A special friend! A special friend!"**_

"**_Shut up, shut up, shut up!"_** Naruto said as he chased them, tails flailing angrily.

"**_Go ahead, mate already!"_** Kyuubi barked, giving a harsh laugh.

"**_He's your fuck buddy!"_** Nanabi added with a snide giggle.

"No he's not!" Naruto howled in Japanese.

"_**Oops. Made him lapse into human speak."**_

"_**He's really pissed."**_

Gaara had a feeling that he was the he being screamed about.

"Uh… Are you guys okay?" he asked as loud as his near raw throat could manage.

"This is common for us." Kyuubi explained as he held back Naruto who was attempting to claw out his foster father's eyes.

"That's it Gaara! We're going home!" Naruto declared as he slung the redhead over his right shoulder and picked up the shopping bag he'd left near the fire.

"**_Oooh! You share a living space?"_** Kyuubi crooned sarcastically.

"**_How do you ever get sleep?"_** Nanabi asked, eyes wide in mock awe.

Naruto didn't answer, but stormed out of the cave, into open air. He was glad it wasn't raining anymore, he didn't want to worsen Gaara's condition.

"_**Don't work him too hard!"**_

"_**Wait until he's better to have some real fun!"**_

Gaara, shocked at the blonde's fury, blinked as Naruto clutched him tighter, to the point of pain.

"Itai! Naruto, you're hurting me!" Gaara said as Naruto's claws dug into his flesh.

"Gomen." Naruto said, distracted.

"…If you don't mind me asking… What were you talking about that made you so mad?"

"Nothing!" Naruto shouted defensively, causing Gaara to flinch.

'_What's wrong with me? I don't flinch at mere words. I'm Sabaku no Gaara. He's making me do it again…What is this I'm feeling?'_

He fished the blonde ears out of the bag and placed them on Naruto's head.

"Neko mimi mode ne…" he said softly.

"…" Naruto sighed and looked through the branches above at the grey sky.

"I'm really sorry Gaara. It's just… They were teasing me… And… I'm taking it out on you…"

"Teasing you? About what?"

'_How dare they tease him? I swear, if they ever do that again to my Naruto I'll…'_ Gaara replayed his last thought in his head.

'_My Naruto? …I sound like that Uchiha…My Naruto…But I like the sound of it…My Naruto. MINE!'_

'_**Damn. Possessive much?'**_

'_You?'_

'_**Yes, me, Shukaku. Aren't you just delighted?'**_

'_Get out of my head!'_

'_**I'd love to, but seeing as you and I are stuck together, I can't.'**_

'_What do you want?'_

'**_Why, just what any good demon wants.'_ **The tanuki replied innocently.

'_What, pray tell, is that?'_

'_**Heirs.'**_

'…_And why does this apply to me?'_

'_**Damn. I thought he was supposed to be the stupid one.'**_

'_He's not stupid!'_

'_**Wow. You're in deep.'**_

'_Stop speaking in riddles! Just get to the point!'_

'_**I wasn't speaking in riddles and I was about to.'**_

'_Tell me, what does anything you're saying have to do with me?'_ Gaara demanded, getting rapidly annoyed.

'_**I want heirs. You will get me heirs. That boy may be the key we need.'**_

'_Is this some sort of plot?'_

'_**Indeed it is. Thing is kit, you are **in love**. You don't know it, but you are.'**_

'_Love? I don't love anyone but myself.'_

'_**Not true. You met him. You fell in love with him. You will get me heirs. End of story.'**_

'_I'm not in love!'_

'_**Hey, he's calling you. Maybe you should answer instead of arguing a hopeless case.'**_

'…' Gaara roused himself from his mental chat.

"Why do you want to know?" Naruto asked him.

"Know? Oh, why they were teasing you? Just because. Now… Why?"

Naruto blushed crimson, causing Gaara to turn a faint pink and he said,

"Nothing! It's nothing!"

'_Shukaku…Translate what they were saying to him.'_

'_**I believe we're missing a word there. How about… Onegai?'**_

'…_I hate you.'_

'_**And I love you too kit. Now… Say it.'**_

'…' Gaara gritted his teeth.

'_Onegai, translate what they said to him.'_

'_**That's more like it. Now how about a 'onegai Shukaku-dono'?'**_

'_Hell no!'_

'_**Well, I tried. They were saying you're a **special** friend, and you're his fuck buddy and some other things to that degree.'**_

'_His what?'_

'_**What do they teach you in schools these days?'**_

'_How to kill people. And annoying tanuki.'_

'_**Oooh. You're hurting me with words like that. You really are.'**_

'_Just tell me what it is.' _

'_**It means you two…'**_

'_Yes?'_

'_**Get together…'**_

'_Yes?'_

'_**And…'**_

'_Spit it out! Tell me already!_

'_**Temper, temper…'**_

'_And what?'_

'_**You…'** _Even though Gaara couldn't see the beast, he could hear the twinkle in his eye. (It went kirarin! Cough. I'm being stupid again.)

'_Now!'_

'_**You have wild, crazy, hot sex!'**_

'_What?!'_

'_**You screw each other senseless just because! He'll take you to bed and-**_

'_Stop! I don't want to hear it!'_

'_**Then I can show you!'** _Shukaku howled in glee, and before Gaara could say anything, there was a fantasy taking place in his head. Gaara stood in his room, watching a scene unfold. There were two forms in his bed, one was him, but not him, and the other was…

'_Naruto…?'_

"_Gaara…Onegai…" Naruto panted as he lay beneath him, both naked as the day they were born._

"_Yes?"_

"_I…" Naruto moaned, as Gaara kissed him deeply._

The real Gaara felt like an intruder, even though it was just a dream that he felt… What did he feel? Not anger… Jealousy of the fake Gaara? Maybe… Desire? Yes, that sounded right… A desire to be where the other Gaara was, on top of Naruto.

'_**Enjoying yourself?'**_

'_No! Take it away!' Gaara protested, hoping the tanuki couldn't see his innermost thoughts._

'**_Feh. You're such a square.'_** But the vision disappeared, and for that, Gaara was grateful.

'_**You liked it and you know it.'**_

'_No! I didn't!'_

'_**You. Will. Make. Him. Have. My. Children.'**_

'_But… Why?'_

' _**You love him don't you? Who knows, he may love you back. I WANT HEIRS GAARA. CAN I NOT MAKE IT ANY CLEARER?'**_

'_But he's a guy anyway. He can't.'_

'_**Kid, we're demons. We don't follow the human laws of nature.'**_

'_No.'_

'_**He won't even have to know. You could drug him and impregnate him in his sleep. It's not as fun that way, but it works.'**_

'_I'm not going to do that to him!'_

'_**Stop trying to protect him! Fuck him now!'**_

'_No!'_

'_**Do it!'**_

'_I won't!'_

'_**NOW!'**_

'_NO! I can't do that to him!'_

'_**You killed dozens of people under my command! Why won't you do this?'**_

'_Because…' _ Gaara tried to think of why he wanted to stop Shukaku from hurting Naruto so much.

'_I…Don't know why…'_

'**_You're impossible.'_** Shukaku sighed in a mixture of disgust and disappointment.

"Gaara-kun… You've been quiet for a really long time now… Are you okay?" Gaara heard Naruto ask him this.

"I'm fine… Just remember to go back to full human when we get back in town…" Gaara sighed, his own blend of depression and confusion.

When they entered Naruto's apartment, Naruto laid Gaara on the bed, then laid next to him.

"Gaara-kun… Is it okay if I try to draw out your fever?"

Gaara tried to remember what that consisted of, but his head had started to go fuzzy. He nodded dully and Naruto took off hitai-ate and set it on his nightstand.

"Gaara-kun… I'm sorry that you're sick." Then his shirt was off.

"It's my fault. Don't say it's not, because it was. I don't know much about human medicines or treatments…" He kicked off his sandals. They clattered in the corner.

"But I'll do the best I can. For you." Naruto dropped his pants on the floor beside the bed. Gaara was only dimly aware of the situation as Naruto rested atop him and dozed off.

(As far as I know, this is a _really_ old treatment technique. I've seen it in DearS and Fushigi Yugi: Genbu Kaiden and something else I can't remember…)

Gaara laid there, unmoving till it was late at night. His head had finally cleared and his fever seemed to have dissipated. Gaara gently pushed the blonde off of him and stood from the bed.

"Naruto…" Gaara whispered gently as he reached to brush a blonde lock away from his face, then hesitated and retracted his hand.

'_Shukaku wants me to do something to you…But I can't. Why do you plague me with all this confusion? He wants me to have…Relations... With you…And I want to…But I can't. I just can't. It'll ruin your life and I don't want that. I want you to be happy. You couldn't be happy with me. Never…'_

'**_Aww… We're having a sentimental moment are we?' _**Shukaku cooed degradingly.

'_Shut up you overweight raccoon.'_

'_**And now we're throwing a little fit.'**_

'_Shut up! You're making everything worse!'_

'_**Oh really? Then why don't you shut me up?'**_

Gaara blinked at the simplicity. He could shut up Shukaku and never force Naruto's pity upon himself _ever again._ Gaara walked through the kitchen until he found what he needed. He drew the carving knife from its holder and tried to decide which vein would be the best. Gaara held the knife to his neck, turned to Naruto's sleeping form and smiled, a pair of tears trickling down his cheeks.

"Sayonara. Suenagaku."

Naruto bolted up from his bed.

"Gaara?" He saw the redhead smiling so sadly.

"I'll miss you Naruto. But I might see you again some day." Gaara began to drag the knife across his neck.

Naruto lunged, knocking the blade away and taking him down.

"What the heck are you doing Gaara?" he asked, knife twanging as it vibrated from its new place in the wall.

"I don't want your pity! Stop looking at me!" Gaara yelled as he shut his eyes, a thin line of blood trickling down his neck.

"Gaara! I don't pity you." Naruto said as he kept the redhead pinned to the ground.

"Stop lying!"

"Gaara. I'm not staying with you out of pity. You… Are one of my special people. I won't let you ruin your life by doing something stupid."

"I'm going to ruin your life if I don't die!"

"How?"

"Shukaku… He keeps telling me to rape you, but I can't!"

Naruto shocked Gaara, by smiling, then laughing.

"Silly. He can't do anything to you."

"He's inside my head!"

"I won't let him hurt you."

"But it's not me he's hurting! It's you!"

Naruto shook his head.

"Don't let him hurt me then. Don't listen to him."

"But… It's so hard!"

"If life was easy, everyone would be boring and miserable."

"…Help me…" Gaara begged as his eyes filled with more tears.

Naruto let him up and was surprised when Gaara gripped onto him. Naruto put his arms around Gaara in a gentle embrace.

"Don't worry."

In the early morning, Gaara was scowling like he was somewhat embarrassed. Naruto was back to his normal self.

"Why so down my glum chum?"

"Hn."

"You should talk more. You have interesting things to say." Naruto said as he poured hot water into some of his instant ramen and set a cup on the table for Gaara.

"Hn."

"Jeez, you're just like Sasuke."

"Don't you dare compare me to the Uchiha!"

Naruto laughed.

"Sit down and eat. Who knows what'll happen today?"

0o0

(Did Gaara confess?

No. Naruto is still clueless. He thinks of Gaara like a brother. Maybe more.

How about Hinata?

More about her next chapter.

And Sasuke?

Oh yeah, I get to kick his ass next chapter! Hooray!

Are you high or drunk while working on this?

Maybe…

Is the story going to be over soon?

As my mom would say…

HELL TO THE MOTHER FUCKIN' NO!

We still got a ways to go.

And finally…

Are there _any_ definite pairings?

Who knows?

Chi: You do.

Tenshi: Who else?

Chi: Us.

Tenshi: And who else?

Chi: Orihime Ai from school because she's basically your beta reader.

Tenshi: …Anyone else?

Chi: Don't think so.

Tenshi: Well, I never realized how many people know the answer to that question.

Well, anyway, if you got anymore questions or you just wanna talk, PM me. Only a few people have my email, so that's not the recommended route.


	8. Leap for the Ring! Naruto Tries his Mast

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Tenshi: Hey peoples. I hope you're still reading. If so, then I feel good!

Chi: Please keep reading or else she's going to get all weepy on me.

Tenshi: No I won't!

Chi: Yes you will.

Tenshi: …Sigh. I will get weepy. Don't make the authoress cry please, okay:Puppy dog eyes:

Chi: That only works for short people you beanpole.

Tenshi: I can't help being tall! Plus, how many people in our class are taller then me?

Chi: About five guys. Plus one girl.

Tenshi: See! I'm not that tall!

Chi: Just write the damn story.

0o0

Ch.8 Leap for the Ring! Naruto Tries his Master Plan!

0o0

One week later, Naruto finally remembered that he had Sasuke's diary. Or rather, Gaara reminded him. The redhead had been staying at Naruto's apartment, partially because he wasn't ready to go back to his job as the Kazekage, and partially because he wanted to be with Naruto.

"Here's your lunch." Gaara said as Naruto hopped around, trying to put on a sandal.

"Gaara-kun, I'm not going to lie to you. You're a _really_ bad cook."

"But I made it just for you." Gaara said, pretending to be hurt.

"And that's what makes it special." Naruto replied, finishing their routine.

Naruto grabbed the lunchbox from Gaara as he managed to get the sandal on.

"I found this under a pile of your dirty clothes. How can you live with all this crap everywhere?" Gaara asked as he handed Naruto a familiar black book.

"Hey, it's Sasuke-teme's diary!"

"Don't call him teme. His pet name for you is an insult. Is that your pet name for him?"

"No way Gaara-kun! I don't like him like that!"

"So you admit you like him."

"I don't!"

"You said you didn't like him like that. How do you like him?"

"But I don't!" Naruto yelled, blushing at the teases Gaara was throwing at him.

'_So…Cute…'_ Gaara thought as he looked away from the blonde, blushing himself.

"Do you have a pet name for me?" he asked, then covered his mouth, a dozen shades red deeper.

"Ne?"

"You're going to be late." Gaara said, swiftly changing the subject.

"Oh! Ja ne!" Naruto said as he ran out the door, stopping to kiss Gaara's forehead and grabbing the lunch and diary.

"What was that?" Gaara asked to the empty air. He took several deep breaths and exhaled slowly.

'_**In loooooovvvveeee!'**_

"I'm not in love with him!"

Naruto somehow managed to forget about the black book until he opened his lunch that noon and saw it sitting there, right where he put it.

"Naruto… Why won't you tell us who makes you lunches?" Sakura asked for about the millionth time.

"Because it's a secret. It's no fun if you know."

"Tell us dobe."

"Why?"

"Because we said so."

"Well… If you must know…" Naruto sighed dramatically. _'Let's see how they respond.'_

"It's Gaara-kun."

Sakura dropped her bento and Sasuke started choking on his cola he'd been drinking.

"G-gaara-sama?" Sakura managed to stutter.

"Yeah."

"But why?"

"I dunno why he does it."

"Sasuke-kun, are you okay?" Sakura asked the raven haired nin, who although no longer choking, still looked like he was about to pass out.

"Hey Sasuke, your brother told me to give you your diary back." Naruto said as he tossed the book to the shinobi.

"When did you see my brother?" Sasuke asked, marveling that he had his beloved diary back.

"I got arrested last week."

"For what?"

"For hanging out with Gaara."

"Naruto, don't stay around him! He's not a nice person!" Sakura commanded.

"Yes he is!" Naruto yelled back. _'How dare these humans judge someone they don't even know?'_

"Dobe, did you read it?" Sasuke asked, his eyes darting around suspiciously as he clutched the diary to his chest.

Naruto decided to tell the truth.

"No, but I think Itachi did."

Sasuke flipped through the black book, frown increasing radically.

"DAMN YOU ITACHI!" Sasuke screamed to the heavens.

"Look at this!" Sakura and Naruto leaned over Sasuke's shoulder and starting at the front, Sasuke flipped the pages rapidly.

A chibi Itachi picture in the bottom right hand corner declared 'Itachi… Is… Da… BESTEST!' the phrase progressing through the pages.

"How dare he?" Sasuke demanded as tears began to well up in his eyes. He ran off towards the forest, diary in hand.

"…I'll go get him back…" Naruto sighed. Sakura made a move to stand up but Naruto started yelling,

"Oh no you don't! Sit down and eat now! You don't eat enough! What are you, anorexic or something?"

Sakura sat down and ate in shock, as Kakashi blinked at the boy's forcefulness.

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto called then thought, _'How stupid am I? I just need to sniff for him.'_ He sniffed the air, picking out Sasuke's scent and following it. The boy was hunched over his book, shoulder shaking.

"Sasuke, it's time for you to come back."

"He vandalized my diary!" Sasuke howled.

"I'm sure it's not that bad…"

"He wrote a page of inquiries!"

"…That's kinda bad." He touched Sasuke's trembling form and blinked.

"Are you crying?" His response was a loud sniff and several tiny whimpers.

"I-um… You want me to get you a soda?" Sasuke nodded and Naruto turned away.

"I'm gonna go get you one okay?"

He walked through the training grounds, glad to see Sakura eating and Kakashi doing nothing.

"Give me five minutes I'll be back. Ten, I'll have Sasuke."

He was back in five minutes, true to his word, with a soda in hand. (What kind? You pick. It doesn't matter to me.)

"Sasuke… I got you a soda…"

The crying shinobi blew his nose on the inside of his shirt collar loudly (sexy I know.) and wiped his red eyes.

"You didn't… Leave me…"

"Why would I?" Naruto asked, furrowing his brows in confusion. Tears began to spring forth anew from Sasuke's eyes.

"You're so kind!" Sasuke wailed as he gripped onto Naruto's black shirt.

"I don't deserve such a kind frieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnddddd!" The Uchiha continued to sob into his shirt.

'…_O-kay…'_ Naruto raised a hand and patted Sasuke's back gently.

"There, there."

"Naruuuutoooo!!"

"I'm here." Naruto sighed as he knelt down. He turned around and made a cup with his hands at his back.

"Do you want a piggyback back to your place?"

Sasuke didn't answer, but sat in Naruto's hands and wrapped his arms around Naruto's neck.

'_Naruto…It taking me…Back to my house…I could seduce him there!'_ he thought excitedly, returning to his stalker mentality.

"Do you have a kunai in your pocket?" Naruto asked, clueless as ever.

"Um…Yeah." Sasuke lied as he tried to calm himself down.

"Oh."

Sasuke couldn't help but drool at an erotic daydream forming in his mind.

"Are you drooling on me?" Naruto demanded as he felt warm saliva drip down his neck, snapping Sasuke from the fantasy.

"Gomen."

"S'okay. Just don't do it."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura yelled excitedly once she saw him, overlooking Naruto completely.

"…Is he crying?" Kakashi asked and miraculously, the rest of the rookie nine and team Gai heard and showed up.

"Sasuke-kun is crying? What'd you do to him billboard-brow?" Ino demanded.

"Hm… The famous Uchiha Sasuke, crying like a child and getting carried back to his home… I shall treasure this as a triumph, making me the greatest ice cube of Konoha." Neji smirked.

"I'll get my title back someday!" Sasuke yelled, voice muffled due to the fact that his face was buried in Naruto's shirt.

"Has Sasuke lost his youthfulness?" Lee asked being weird as usual.

"Sasuke's very upset..." Naruto began, but was interrupted by Akamaru howling.

"Sasuke's very upset because his brother read his-Ow!" Naruto yelped as Sasuke tugged on one of his long blonde hairs.

"Itai, baka! That hurt!"

"Tell them about my diary and die." Sasuke hissed in his ear.

"Fine… Stop pulling my hair." Naruto bargained, seeing as he didn't like people pulling his hair.

"Hey… You're not wearing your jacket today…" Sasuke noticed.

'_Did he somehow sense I used it to prepare for sex with him?'_

"That reminds me!" Naruto said as he dumped the Uchiha off his back. There was a loud explosion as Sasuke was set aflame, a full body inferno. Sasuke dove into a nearby random lake to douse the flames as Naruto marched indignantly towards Hinata.

He kissed her forehead, like he'd done to Gaara that morning.

"Is this a bad time?" he asked, noticing her blank expression.

She looked at Neji, who looked about ready to rip Naruto's head off.

"I think so."

"Then let's go somewhere else!" Naruto said as he picked her up and ran off.

"Hinata-chan, I'm kidnapping you!"

"What?"

"It's my latest plan! I'll kidnap you and refuse to let you go until Hiashi lets me marry you!"

Hinata blinked in shock, then realized she would be staying at Naruto's apartment until Hiashi brought her back.

'…_His…His…Apartment…Together…Alone…'_ she was completely unable to string together a coherent sentence.

"Let's stop to get you some clothes first Hinata-chan."

Hinata could only nod mutely as she still tried to make sense of what had happened.

Naruto knocked on the Hyuuga mansion door, let in the gates by the guards who knew him rather well due to his frequent visits. A butler opened the door and let Naruto and Hinata in.

"Yes Hinata?" Hiashi asked as he stood in front of her, feet bare on the white marble floor.

"I'm kidnapping your daughter sir! Her terms of release are that you let me marry her!" Naruto explained briefly.

"Keep her."

"Huh?" Naruto and Hinata asked in unison.

"Keep her, but you're not getting married."

"What? Father… What're you talking about…?" Hinata queried as she stepped towards him.

"You are of no worth to me. Hanabi can easily take your place." Hiashi said coldly.

"I…"

"Pack your things and leave."

"I…"

Naruto scowled at Hiashi, disliking the animosity he showed to his own daughter. Hinata lead Naruto up to her room, as if in a daze and Naruto made damn sure to take in every detail of the house in case he ever came back…

He tried unsuccessfully to cheer her up and the only time he got a reaction out of her was when he held up one of her bras and asked the signifigance of it.

She scoured the room, frantic.

"Where is it?" she kept muttering.

"Where's what Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked.

"Looking for something nee-san?" a voice sneered from the doorway.

It was Hanabi, admiring a glittering thing on her finger.

"Mother's wedding ring!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Well, since you're never getting married, I figured I get it."

Naruto growled and Hinata lunged at Hanabi in fury, but was stopped short by Neji, who appeared like a phantom and began jabbing her tenketsu rapidly. Naruto set Neji a warning shot by bursting an ember by his ear, singeing the pale flesh.

"Get out of here, filthy beast." Was all Neji said. Naruto turned to leave, then doubled back quickly and punched Neji in the face.

Naruto picked Hinata up in one hand and her suitcase in the other, giving a running dash before leaping out of the open window. He didn't stop running until he was outside his apartment.

"He said… He didn't need me…"

"Don't worry Hinata-chan. Don't worry." Naruto whispered fiercely as he hugged her.

The inner Hinata didn't care as much anymore, rather loving the fact she was now living with Naruto!

'_Kukuku…It will be easy to convince him to sleep with me…I should've packed some of my kinky accessories…No matter! I'm gonna get laid! By NARUTO!'_

"We're home!" Naruto called as he opened the door to his apartment.

'_Wait a second…We're home? That can't be good.'_ Hinata thought.

'_Hang on? Who's here with my Naruto? This can't be good.'_ Gaara thought.

"As of today, Hinata is staying with us too. Okay Gaara-kun?" Naruto asked as the redhead picked up more of Naruto's dirty clothes.

'_What's he doing here? He's in the way to the loss of my virginity by my dear Naruto!'_

'…'

'_**I'm ready to kill her. What about you?'**_

'_That may displease Naruto. It would take me a long time to make it up to him.'_

'**_It wouldn't have to take so long if you just had sex with him. Then you could make it up in a night.'_**

'_Stop telling me to have sex with Naruto!'_

'_**Aww…You know you wanna.'**_

'_Shut up! Do you want me to kill myself? Cause you die then too.'_

'_**Geez. You're taking this too seriously.'**_

Naruto smiled obliviously as Hinata and Gaara glared at each other.

'_Bitch.'_

'_Psycho.'_

Hinata sighed. Here she was with the man of her dreams, and a psychotic freak was living at his house. It was like the chastity belt from hell. Naruto meanwhile plotted on getting back the ring.

Later that night, Naruto began to sneak out when Hinata was asleep.

"Naruto… Why did you kiss me this morning?"

"Gaara, you've missed out on a lot of love. I intend to help you make it up."

'_**Tell him he can if he has sex with you.'**_

'_Quiet you stupid tanuki! What is up with you wanting me to have sex with Naruto?'_

'_**I told you already. Everything for the heirs.'**_

"Naruto, I…" Gaara began, then noticed Naruto was gone.

0o0

Gotta cut this one short yall! Ja ne!


	9. Midnight Encounter,Revenge in the Dark!

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey peoples! Sorry I had to cut the chappie off so soon. I had to finish some homework and I was also about to leave. But I'm back. With the final part of Naruto's master plan.

Oh yeah.

Wait, disclaimer. Damn DP…

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did… Well, I'll just let you look over the story and I think you can see what it'd be like.

0o0

Ch.9 Midnight Encounter, Revenge in the Dark!

0o0

Naruto crept through the halls of the Hyuuga mansion, just another shadow in the night. He sniffed the air, searching for Hanabi. She was about to get a little visit.

He found her room, pushed open the door, silently, everything moving so quietly, an air of suspicion loomed in the back of Naruto's brain. If she recognized him, it was over.

Naruto stood over her bedside, letting his true form show, praying his legs wouldn't crack like they had when he'd shown Gaara. They didn't.

But his arms sure did.

Hanabi jolted up and might've screamed, had Naruto not covered her mouth and held one hand at her neck, claws hovering over the jugular.

'_A demon has come to kill me…'_ she thought as she wept, silently, everything so quietly, and Naruto began to speak.

"I'll let you live human. On one condition."

Hanabi nodded frantically as she could in the fox boy's grasp as if to say 'I'll do anything'.

"Give me something nice, something pretty." Naruto hissed softly.

Hanabi pointed to her dark nightstand, where a vase of white lilies were presented to the moonlight shining in the long window.

"No. Something of value." He whispered, claws sinking ever so slightly into the side of her neck.

She then pointed at a jewelry box and Naruto searched through it using one of his tails.

"Not quite. Something that has as much sentimental value as it does monetary."

Hanabi moved slowly, and lifted a cold chain from her pale neck. On the end was the ring he'd been searching for.

"Excellent. I rather like this. I think I'll take it." Naruto purred as he snapped the chain and slipped the ring onto his own finger, taking a brief moment to admire it.

It was a lovely little thing, gold with a silver wing veined in. (Based off an actual ring I saw in a catalog once. Very pretty.)

"What are you going to do to me?" Hanabi dared to whisper.

"Nothing to you, but your sister… Mmm…" He gave a fanged grin at Hanabi's shocked look.

"Ah yes, the elder Hyuuga. Snatched her off some blonde brat. Now _she'll _make a fine mate. How beautiful it will be when we have children! Demons with the Byakugan, what a marvelous idea!" Naruto sighed, really getting into it. It wasn't the first time he'd done something like this anyway. But it was the first time alone.

"Sweet dreams little Hyuuga." He said as he released his hold on her, took a few things from her jewelry box as so not to be suspicious.

Hanabi pulled the sheets up to her face and made no sounds. She did not sleep that night.

Naruto crawled out the window and dug his nails into the siding of the house and shimmied along, peeking through the windows until he saw Neji doing sit-ups in his room, shirtless.

'_No harm in a little fun.'_ He leapt into the room after opening the window noiselessly and restrained Neji with chakra handcuffs, shackles, and a belly chain when he wasn't looking. Naruto clicked the light off with one of his tails.

"Hello Hyuuga." He purred softly in Neji's ear as he sat behind him.

"Who are you?" Neji demanded as he struggled with the demon's chakra.

"Just your average demon." He thought for a moment before correcting himself.

"I suppose I'm not so average. I'm the son of Kyuubi." He squeezed the chakra binds tighter and smiled.

"Why don't you scream?"

"I'll kill you!" Came the whispered reply.

"I don't think you can." Naruto said calmly.

He stroked a claw across Neji's face.

"Get away from me!" Still a whisper.

"You don't want to be touched?"

"Not by you." Neji spat.

Naruto, still behind Neji, bit his ear, causing the boy to gasp, but not cry out. Then he slashed his claws over Neji's chest, dragging out a shallow series of claw marks. Still no cry. Naruto scratched Neji's back and licked the blood from the latest wound, then his claws.

"Delicious."

"Stop!" Louder than a whisper this time.

"Don't you enjoy my company?"

"Never."

"I think your cousin is cute."  
"Hanabi?"

"No, the other one."  
"Hinata?"

"Yes. She's my new mate."

"…I was… Supposed to marry her…"

"Oh?"

"Hiashi wanted a purer bloodline… And… At first… I hated her."

"Huhn." Naruto grunted, unimpressed as he swished his tails.

"And it's strange… The more I tried to ignore her, the more I noticed her. She's beautiful, but shy, and… So much in love with some guy named Naruto."

Neji sighed as he mentioned Naruto's name.

"Maybe he's a better man than me. He really likes her too. He's always asking Hiashi to marry her. He's asked…"

"Five-hundred forty-six times…" Naruto whispered.

"Eh? About five hundred times. I… You better make her happy, or I swear on my life I will hunt you down and kill you."

'_Stranger things have happened.'_ Naruto thought as he sighed.

"I doubt you could, but I admire your guts. If you attack me though, you won't have them much longer." Naruto stood up and fled through the window through a window for the third time today, leaving Neji alone, on the floor, bound and shirtless, but too proud to call for help. Damn pride issues.

'_Strange day.'_ Naruto thought as he ran quickly, there was a twinkle in his heels.

'_Hinata-chan's gonna love this!'_

When Hyuuga Hinata awoke that morning, in Naruto's bed, because he insisted on it, Naruto was sitting on the floor, eye-level to her. She sat up and realized, that he wasn't sitting, kneeling rather, on one knee.

'_It can't be…'_

"Hyuuga Hinata, will you marry me?" He asked as he produced the ring.

Hinata answered by fainting.

When her eyes opened briefly after her response she asked,

"How'd you get it back?"

"Never underestimate the power of fear."

"Fear? But Father won't let me marry you!"

Naruto, realizing she meant yes, nodded, proud he remembered how to do everything the right way. All that late night practice with Gaara _did_ help.

"Who said anything about a formal marriage? Demons break all the rules." (Which is true, with the exception of the demon code.) Hinata blushed profoundly and put the ring on her right hand.

"It'll be our secret." Naruto said fondly as he kissed her cheek.

Gaara had left shortly before this exchange, not wanting to feel so defeated.

'_Why…Does my heart hurt so much?'_

'_**It's looooooovvvveee!'**_

'_Shut up. You're just making my head hurt.'_

'_**Do you even know what's going on?'**_

'_No. Do I want to?'_

'_**You should, you love the guy.'**_

'_It can't be love. I have the inability to love another.'_

'_**He just asked her to marry him.'**_

'_Is that supposed to mean something?'_

'_**Ah, it's just a promise to stay together for their entire lives, yadda, yadda, yadda… Your chances of staying in the picture much longer are screwed if you don't do something.'**_

'…_What do I need to do?'_

'_**NOW we're talking!'**_

During practice, Naruto and Sasuke were having a fire-breathing contest for some stupid reason. As the flames exploded from their mouths, something flew through the twin inferno, and approximately 150 yards away, Gaara retrieved his partially melted kunai.

'_**Now for the final step of the plan.'**_

That afternoon, Gaara asked Naruto to hang out with him.

"Sure Gaara-kun." Naruto replied with his usual vulpine grin.

They did go, Gaara enjoying himself more than you could ever imagine. It was during a walk around the forest that Gaara stopped. He knelt on one knee, like Naruto had done to him seven hundred twenty-eight times in practice for Hinata, and asked it.

"Kitsune Naruto, will you marry me?" Gaara opened his hand, revealing a ring of pure glass.

Naruto took it into his own palm and examined it, then looked at Gaara with shock. The Kazekage stood and paced nervously.

"I don't know what's going on. When I'm with you, I feel so warm inside. Your smiles are like beams of light shining on my darkness and I want to get lost in the safe place in your eyes… I don't think… That I like you as a friend…" Gaara turned to Naruto, pale blue eyes dewy. And that's when he realized.

"I love you and it hurts!" Gaara kissed Naruto right there. Naruto didn't really know what to do. Gaara broke off the kiss and wept.

"I'm so confused…"

Naruto pulled the sand nin close to him and sighed as a faint drizzle began to fall from the sky, just as it had eight days previous. The drizzle turned to rain, spattering as fat drops hit the ground, and Naruto stood there, covering Gaara's head with his arms, letting the cool rain drench them.

'_Onegai kami…Don't let the rain stop…'_ Gaara prayed.

But, as all things must, the rain stopped and they walked home, soaked to the bone and not caring. Naruto now wore two rings.

'_Well…This certainly makes things more complicated.'_ Naruto thought as he opened his apartment door.

Hinata noticed Gaara holding Naruto's hand tenderly and asked no questions. Instead, she kissed Naruto, scowled quickly at Gaara, and went to bed.

"Go ahead and take a shower." Naruto said as he ran a hand through his now tangled blonde hair. Gaara nodded mildly and did so, blushing.

'_I…I did it…I asked him to marry me…And we'll be together forever…He said yes…'_

'_**And now you can screw him with no guilt!'**_

'_Shut up!'_

'_**I'll give you some pointers. First off,-**_

'_You're a demon. What do you know about human sex?'_

'_**A hell of a lot more than you do. I bet Kyuubi'll have a field day once he hears you two got married.'**_

'_I really don't want to hear you.'_

'_**Fine. Your loss. Don't blame me when you're in bed and have no idea what to do.**_

As Naruto took his shower, Gaara glared at Hinata who glowered back.

"There's no way I'll let you take Naru-chan's virginity." She declared.

"And you think I'd let you?"

"He knew me first."

"He loves me more."

"He asked me to marry him."

"I asked and he said yes."

"I've got boobs."

"And I don't. Besides, you barely have them."

"…"

"I've got a demon. He's a demon. What about you?"

"…"

"I also know more about sex than you."

"Hold on a second, I've been preparing for this day for years! I watched a porno."

"A what?"

"See! You don't even know what that is!"

"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

"He'll screw me first!"

"No! Me!"

"Me!"

"Do you want to die?"

"He'll do my corpse!"

"…That's disgusting. He'd prefer a living body."

"Me!"  
"Me!"

'_**JUST KILL HER ALREADY AND FUCK NARUTO IN THE SHOWER!'**_

At that time, Naruto opened the bathroom door, wearing his black flannel pajamas and blinked. So, it was too late for Shukaku's plan. (OR WAS IT?)

"Why were you two yelling?"

"No reason." Hinata said innocently.

Naruto looked at his bed and muttered,

"I need a bigger bed."

"I don't sleep." Gaara pointed out and stuck his tongue out at Hinata mouthing, 'I can go all night long'. Hinata flipped him off and mouthed, 'fuck you' back.

Naruto, who didn't notice the silent exchange was still muttering about upgrading to a king sized mattress and whatnot.

The battle of the spouses was on.

0o0

The prize? Naruto's virginity. Oh yeah. How's that for fucked up?


	10. Sasuke the Delivery Boy?

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey peeps. Still hope you're reading. If so, that's great and everything is fine. If not, then FUCK YOU! Enjoy the chapter!

Chi: Damn, bi-polar much?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't have gotten arrested by the dumbass DPs. NOW GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR! (or ma'am)

0o0

Ch.10 Sasuke the Delivery Boy?

0o0

As Gaara and Hinata planned to seduce Naruto, a certain Hyuuga was recounting her events with a demon.

"It had long claws and sharp fangs, nine tails and eyes red like blood! It was a beast! I thought it was going to drink my blood or abduct me, but it said it didn't need me because it kidnapped my sister!" Hanabi wailed loudly in the center of Konoha's shopping district.

"There she is now." A man pointed out.

Hinata, who'd been in the middle of a plot involving lots of chains, looked up and remembered what Naruto had told her.

'_If anyone asks what's it's like to live with a demon, just lie!'_ Yep. Philosophy of a fox.

Hanabi ran to hug Hinata, but she ws stopped short.

"What do you want?" Hinata asked, adding just a tinge of venom in her voice, and grinned inwardly at the effect it had on her sister.

"Nee-san! You're alive! But why are you here?" Hanabi asked, confused. (Just like some of my readers.)

A small group had gathered around the duo and watched the scene unfold.

"Shopping for Master. Now, please stop trying to hug me. You could've injured the children."

"What children?" Hanabi asked, growing more puzzled by the minute.

"Me and Master's children." Hinata replied as she patted her stomach gently. She figured it wouldn't be too far from truth if at least one of her plans worked.

"Poor nee-san!"

"Stop crying. I'm doing well."

"What's he like? Does he treat you bad?"

"He's… Enthusiastic, to say the least, kind, and he spoils me."

"A kind demon?" A nearby couple scoffed.

"He's kind enough to me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to visit someone." Hinata said as she tried to part the crowd. She could lie for only so long…

"Who? Your blonde boyfriend?" Hanabi asked.

'_Husband.'_ Hinata mentally corrected her.

"Yes."

Naruto, who'd been expecting something like this to happen, had been following her, now sat hidden in a tree's branches, and prepared for some demon intervention.

"WHAT'S TAKING YOUR TIME HINATA?" He bellowed in his strongest voice.

She understood in a heartbeat and yelled back,

"These villagers are stalling me!"

"STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!" Naruto hollered, then gave an earth-splitting roar thought impossible to come from such a small throat.

The group did so, screaming as they fled. Hinata made it home with no further interruptions.

"That was great Hinata-chan!" Naruto grinned, voice slightly hoarse from the roar as she walked in the apartment.

"Naruto-kun… Remember when you said something about making a list of the people we want saved when you destroy Konoha?"

"Did you decide?"

"I think… We should take the rookie nine. And team Gai."

"How about you Gaara-kun?"

"I don't care."

"Okay! Great then!"

And that was that.

Later that night, Hinata put her first 'Seduce Naruto So I Can Get Laid and Gloat At Gaara' plan into action. She poked her head out of the bathroom, keeping the door closed enough so that he couldn't see her nudity. She put on a meek tone.

"Excuse me… Where are all the towels?"

Naruto immediately looked towards Gaara, who sat on Naruto's bed reading his fifth copy of 'Your Anger and You'. (He destroyed the other four because they made him mad.) Gaara noticed the look he was getting and asked,

"What?"

"Gaara-kun, where are the towels?"

"…" Gaara turned a page in his book.

"Did you kill all the people in the Laundromat again and then leave in a bloody fury?"

"Again?" Hinata looked mildly alarmed, but was ignored.

(In case you're wondering, he was given bad directions on how to operate the machines and whatnot, and his favorite shirt got bleached white. Gaara really likes his shirts.)

"No." He looked up then thought,

'_Damn! Shouldn't have made eye contact.'_

Naruto gave him and 'oh really' look.

"NO!"

"…" Naruto continued to shoot him the look.

"…Yes…"

"How many copies of that book do you have?"  
"Twenty…"  
"You think that's enough?"

"No. I have serious anger issues. The first step to beating your anger is admitting it." Gaara read. He stared at the book for a moment longer before closing it, ripping it in half (396 pages), and then burning it with a lighter that seemed to appear from nowhere.

And then he started on number six.

"Hey Hinata-chan, you don't have to keep standing there. It's apparent- "

This received a glare from Gaara.

"That we won't be getting our laundry back anytime soon, or possibly ever, so we might need to get new clothes. But anyway, no shame in walking around naked." Naruto said as he began stripping off his own clothes.

'_YES! NARUTO! NAKED! HERE AND NOW!'_ Hinata cheered mentally.

"Maybe not for you!" she protested.

"It's okay."

"But…" she tried to say more, but Naruto dragged her out of the bathroom, steam trailing after her as well.

"Naruto-kun!" she gasped as she tried to cover her nakedness.

'_IT'S WORKING!'_

She took a few steps back and pretended to trip on another copy of 'Your Anger and You' and tumbled backwards, letting her legs spread apart and looking up at Naruto in the best seductress fashion she could.

"Ow…" she groaned softly.

Naruto blinked, unaware of her intent.

'_How do you like my accidental flash plan?'_ She thought deviously with a malicious glint in her eye.

"Are you okay Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked, looking slightly worried.

"Could you… Um… Help me up…?" she asked innocently, bracing her forearms behind her against the wooden floor.

Naruto took began walking forward and Hinata gauged the distance. When he was the right length away, she kicked his feet out from under him, causing him to fall face-first _right on her crotch!_

"Ah Naruto-kun!" Hinata whimpered.

'_In your face Gaara! I win you psycho!'_

"Gomen nasai, Hinata-chan!" Naruto said quickly as he pushed himself up on his arms, blushing deeply. Hinata thanked all the gods known to man (and several known to monkeys) at his position, directly over her.

His left hand, which was resting on a dirty shirt, slipped and he fell atop Hinata once more.

"Naruto-kun! That's dirty!" she gasped, smirking inwardly.

"Gomen na, gomen na!" Naruto apologized repeatedly as he lifted his face from her breasts.

"…That's okay Naruto-kun… Because it's you." Hinata sighed as she pulled him closer, grabbing his neck.

"Uh… Hinata-chan?" Naruto stammered.

"Feel that Naruto-kun? It's my heartbeat." Hinata said as he picked up his right hand and placed it over her heart. She looked up, eyes half-lidded as she whispered,

"Would you like to feel both our hearts beat together?"

'_IN YOUR FACE GAARA!' _she gloated mentally.

"Um… How would that… Happen?" Naruto queried, nervous of the answer.

"We could do it here. Right now. Would you like that?" she asked, pulling his hips closer to hers.

"I… Uh…"

"Shh… Don't speak." Hinata placed one long, pale finger to his lips.

'_Time for intervention?'_

'_**Demon intervention. You know it.'**_

As Hinata drew her face near Naruto's, there was a loud rip, and Hinata was hit in the face with the top half of a destroyed copy of 'Your Anger and You'.

"Ow! What was that for you- !" Hinata cut her insult short, because Naruto was right there. He didn't know about their secret war.

"Gomen nasai, this book really infuriates me. It's rather stupid." Gaara apologized, snide tone in his voice. He then went back to being _very interested_ in copy number seven as Naruto stood up slowly.

'_Ignore them Gaara…She won't try anything else today…Count to ten…One…Two…Three…'_

"Hey Gaara-kun, we're going to throw a naked party and inviting all our friends! Who do you want to come?"

'_Ignore!'_

'_**A naked party? Sounds interesting. What do you think?'**_

'_Four…Five…Six…'_

"Hey Gaara-kun, they said they'll be over in five minutes. What kind of pizza do you want?"

'_Seven…Eight…No, don't look at him! If you do, you'll feel compelled to say something! Nine…'_

"Gaara-kun, the pizza's here!"

Gaara looked up as Naruto opened the door.

"That was fast." Gaara remarked.

"Yeah, it's because the delivery boy is Sasuke!"

There was a long pause as the trio in the apartment just comprehended what Naruto said before he _then_ said,

"Waitaminute… Sasuke? What are _you_ doing _here_, in front of _my_ apartment,holding _my _pizzas,_ naked_?"

"I heard you were having a party?"

"…Why do you know where I live? On second thought, I don't want to know."

"Well…"

"Don't wanna know!" He then borrowed one of his dad's lines and yelled,

"Who the hell invited you?"

"Ino and Sakura."

'_Figures...'_

"…I guess you can come in."

And Sasuke did come in, setting the three pizzas on the table.

"I'm glad I get to know you better." Sasuke whispered as he licked the back of Naruto's neck. A disgusted shiver ran through the blonde.

"Do that again and I'll kill you."

There was a knock at the door and once more it was opened by Naruto.

"Are we interrupting something?" Shino asked as he raised his eyebrow. The other shinobi looked equally suspicious.

"Hinata-sama better not be in there!" Neji threatened.

"…How come you're dressed?" Naruto asked, extremely confused.

"We thought you were just joking." Tenten said dryly.

0o0

Oooh… And thus, the party begins.  
Prepare for a lot of randomness next chapter. And I mean A LOT.

I don't have no school today! Because it's too cold! Yay!


	11. In Which A Bunch of Random Shit Happens

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey peeps. Hope you're all doing well. I'm sorry if you like Ino or Neji. I'm also sorry for butting in on the story. I couldn't resist a good Sasuke bashing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. More random things would happen if I did.

0o0

Ch.11 In Which A Bunch of Random Shit Happens

0o0

"Come on in." Naruto said as he opened the door wider to allow them in.

Hinata, who'd stood up since Sasuke had been let in, tried to hide in the bathroom, but the tiny apartment had grown too crowded.

'_This was NOT in the plan! All these people can't see me naked!'_ she thought frantically.

"Hinata-sama…" Neji murmured.

"Hinata-chan!" Kiba gasped as he tried to prevent a massive nose bleed.

Hinata looked and felt like she was about to cry. Naruto picked up one of his shirts and pulled it over her head and gave her one his remaining pairs of pants.

"Why is Gaara-sama here?" Sakura asked as she looked towards the redhead.

"Gaara-kkun lives here." Naruto replied as he got out paper plates.

"You…_ Live_…With Sabaku no Gaara?" she asked, emphasizing the live.

"Yeah." Naruto replied without even pausing.

Sakura sighed. She knew Naruto was strange, but to live with a murderer… She sighed again as she took a slice of pizza, plain cheese.

"So… Um… What are we doing?" Kiba asked as he glance at Hinata with a hidden lust.

"Yeah, when do we get naked?" Ino asked with a sexy smirk at Sasuke, who ignored her.

From somewhere not too far away, the authoress gave a cough that sounded like, 'slut.'

"Who said that?" the 'slut' in question demanded.

"I am the almighty authoress!"

"The what?"

"Never mind. But I can make anything I want happen."

"Is it by the power of youth?" Lee asked.

"No."

"Prove it." Neji said with a smirk.

"Look out the window."

Everyone ran to the window and saw…

It was raining cheese cubes.

"…" No one knew what to say.

"Impressed?"

"…Just Genjustsu…"

"Oh really? Do you really believe that Hyuuga Neji?"

"Yes. Yes I do." He was about to say something else, but was interrupted by turning into a girl.

"Don't make me do something I won't regret later."

"You shall die."

"You can't kill me!"

Neji growled at his unseen taunter.

"Change me back." He demanded. His reply was gaining a rabbit's white ears and tail.

"Silly rabbit."  
"Neji, you're so cute!" Tenten gushed, then covered her mouth as Neji wiggled her tail in agitation.

"Change me back now!"

"Shut up Hyuuga, I have gayer fish to fry."

After this, the following happened to one Sasuke Uchiha.

He was shot in the ass, had the Atlantic ocean dumped on him, was stomped on by a robot made of Neji fangirls, bitch-slapped by every Sasuke hater, attacked by a tiger, nearly molested by Orochimaru (but Naruto saved him), spontaneously combusted, reassembled, turned into a girl, got shot in the ass again, was fired at with a nail gun, turned back into a guy, kicked in the balls by the Neji fangirl robot, trampled by a bull, kissed by Michael Jackson then he cried (he being Sasuke), was disemboweled with a blunt spoon, reincarnated as a carrot, eaten by Neji, somehow ended up on the floor as a human, slapped with a piece of rock hard French bread, ran over with a piano, had his shoulder dislocated by Purin, bashed by random Kish fangirls, thrown off the Grand Canyon (which I still don't know where it is! Don't bother telling me, I'll forget), brought back to Naruto's apartment, got ran over by Haruhara Haruko, turned completely blue, was bashed by KrimzenAngel (I need to email her…Go Ryu!), slapped with a fish, hit in the face with a random Wii controller…

_AND THEN…_

All the nun's gone wild girls showed up and flashed him, Itachi's giant pile of thongs fell on him, then Itachi fell on him (which made Ita-chan very confused because he was just in the tub a second ago…), a pig took a dump on him, he was attacked by a wolfman, mooned by the world's population, got trampled by Da Bears, then the Packers, had a box of Christmas ornaments smashed on his head, was force-fed an industrial size box of chocolate laxatives, went to hell and back in a minivan (and got a free shirt), some girl punched him with brass knuckles that say 'sasuke sucks!' and then he was decapitated by a bear.

RESPAWN… THREE… TWO… ONE…

He was dipped in molten chocolate, covered in whipped cream and nuts (no, the kind you eat… perverts.), thrown into a gigantic dish of ice cream, then a giant cherry was speared by his chicken butt hairdo, and was nearly mauled by all his fangirls when they tried to get a taste of some 'Sasuke Sundae'.

The screams could be heard for miles.

As Sasuke tried to escape his psychotic fangirls (it wasn't going well), everyone made a note to never upset any writers who could make their voice come from the sky.

Ever.

"So…Um…Naruto… What do you have planned?" Kiba asked as he tried to find the blonde.

And he did find him. Naruto was now wearing pants and had a magic marker handlebar moustache (badly drawn I may add), but it was still him.

"Some of those fangirls are yaoi fangirls too. You may not know this…" the next part was whispered. "But Sasuke's naked under that chocolate. All hell will break loose if someone doesn't do something."

As the fangirls were arrested for disturbing the peace, battery, and attempted rape, there was a general sigh of relief.

"She's a wild one! Get her!" One of the cops hollered as a fangirl broke free.

But not just any fangirl.

A yaoi fangirl.

She shoved Naruto towards Sasuke and said some lines so incredibly lewd, they'd make outlaw bikers blush. In case you care, some keywords are: banana, cup, pelvic thrust. (Feel free to go wild.)

She was about to say more, but about ten officers dog-piled her and another did a very nice elbow smash to her face.

There was a long silence, broken only by the cops leaving, and Sasuke trying to break free from his chocolate prison. (It hardened while people were getting arrested.)

"So… Who's freeing Sasuke?" Shino asked, looking up at the ceiling as Neji turned back to normal. The authoress appeared to be gone… For now…

Naruto sighed and took a bite of the chocolate above Sasuke's shoulder. He pulled at the hole, widening it until Sasuke was free. Naked, but free. (Although I suppose being naked is a type of freedom…)

"So what's planned for this party?" Kiba asked again.

"I dunno." Naruto replied.

"No games?" Sakura asked.

"Games?"

"Like spin-the-bottle, truth or dare, seven minutes in heaven…" Ino prompted.

"Let's play those then."

As they set up, Ino and Sakura took turns explaining the rules to him and Gaara.

First up was truth or dare…

0o0

Pwhaa… Truth or Dare… I'm trying to make it not stereotypical. Hope you liked this chapter of random… Randomness… Well, maybe you learned something! I learned that gayer is actually a word! Ja minna! Still too cold for school! Yay!


	12. So Um When Do We Come Out of the Clos

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Yes. Another chapter. But with party games this time! Yay!

Chi: Stop yelling.

Tenshi: Party pooper. Hey, I got school cut two hours short today on account of snow! Yay.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, plain as that.

0o0

Ch.11 So Um… When Do We Come Out of the Closet?

0o0

The shinobi sat in a circle, everyone staying as far away possible from Gaara.

"Truth or Dare Gaara-sama?" Sakura asked to start.

"Dare." _'They won't make me look foolish.'_

"Kiss the person you hate the least." Sakura was slightly worried she might die, but she had to know. Were Gaara and Naruto really friends?

Gaara replied this by kissing Naruto's forehead. Then he asked it.

"Sakura, truth or dare?"

"T-truth…" She didn't want to even fathom what the dare might be.

"What do you think about me living with Naruto?"

'_Crap.' _Sakura thought.

'_Ugh. I can see her. Judging me. Judging my relationship. Bitch.'_

'_**Kill her.'**_

'_Stop telling me to kill Naruto's friends.'_

'_**If you had sex with him he'd forgive you.'**_

'_Baka tanuki! He has a bond with these annoying people!'_

'_**And you want to be bonded to him.'**_

'_Yes! I am!'_

'_**You want to be bondaged to him.'**_

'_I don't know what that is, but sure!'_

'**_Ha!' _**Shukaku cackled, laughs growing more annoying in Gaara's mind.

'_What the hell is bondage?'_ Gaara demanded.

'_**Well brat, it's like this. You take some type of rope or ribbon or chain or something like that…'**_

'_You better not be leading me on again.'_

'_**Quiet, I'll tell you if you listen.'**_

When there was silence, Shukaku continued.

'_**And you tie him up…'**_

'_You _are_ leading me on again!'_

'_**Almost finished.'**_

'_Tell me dammit!'_

'**_And fuck him. Simple as that. Bondage is a difficult technique, but with practice you can become quite good. Beginners make the mistake of making the knots loose. You gotta tie him tight, tight enough to make sure they can't do anything with their hands and feet.'_**

'_What's the fun of that?'_

'**_You get to see him squirm. And while his extremities may be tied, his mouth is still free.'_** Shukaku gave a wicked grin.

'_You sick bastard.'_

'_**Thank you.'**_

"Gaara-kun?" Naruto called, bringing the redhead back to reality.

"Eh?"

"You were muttering to yourself and looking really angry. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He noticed that the others had scooted even farther away from him.

"Sakura, what do you think of my relationship with Naruto?"  
_'Rela…You don't think he means…Nah, there's no way he's Naruto's type. He means friendly relationship.'_

"It's… Strange…"

"Why?"

"You're not allowed- "

"Why?" Gaara stared at her coldly.

"Well… Your personalities are so different and all…"

"…Hmph. Don't act like you know who I am." Gaara said as he moved even closer to Naruto.

"Yes… Kiba-kun, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Confess to the girl you love."

"Alternative." Kiba said, shooting a quick sideways look at Hinata.

"…Hm…" Ino whispered something in Sakura's ear and they grinned evilly.

"Streak through Konoha."

Kiba took off his clothes without hesitation and walked out the apartment. Everyone ran to the window (by the way, food products had stopped falling from the sky) and Shikamaru muttered,

"That idiot is really going to do it."

And he did. They saw brief flashes of him running through town, people yelling at him loudly. When he returned, he seemed to have been hit with several tomatoes.

"Did your youthful stride bring you fortune?" Lee asked, striking the good guy pose.

Kiba blushed slightly as he looked away and scratched his nose.

"Um… Some girls threw their panties at me if that's what you're talking about…"

"Kiba, you sly dog…" Shikamaru said in amazement.

"Hey Sasuke! Truth or Dare?" Kiba asked the still sitting Uchiha.

"What?"

"I dare you to go to visit your fangirls in prison."

"I'm covered in chocolate, partially melted ice cream, and there's a giant cherry on my head."

"Exactly. A Sasuke Sundae to go."

"You're kidding me."

"It's much better than the alternative."

"Dare I ask?"

"Sit on Gaara."

The redhead glared viciously at Sasuke, who merely said,

"Let's go to prison, shall we?"

Sasuke returned with Kiba fifteen minutes later, heavily bruised and scratched.

"Kiba…" Sasuke said as he collapsed on the floor.

"Yes?"

"Truth or dare?"  
"…Dare." He wasn't about to chicken out on the Uchiha.

"I saw how you fidgeted when Sakura told you to confess. Kiss the girl you like most."

"Alternative?"

"Cut off your dog's legs."

"Not Akamaru!"

Kiba leaned over and kissed Hinata square on the lips. The consequence of this action was Naruto punching Kiba so hard, he thought his neck would snap.

"What was that for?" Kiba demanded as he touched his sore head.

"How troublesome…" the Nara sighed.

"Um… I think we should change the game…" Sakura suggested, seeing that if things continued at this rate, someone would die.

"SMIH?" Ino asked.  
"As long as no one gets Hinata, I think everything will be fine."

"Sasuke, you're starting to stick to my floor. Go take a shower."

The Uchiha, who'd been lying on the floor, ice cream adhering him to the wood, got up, secretly ecstatic that he got to use Naruto's shower.

"Should we wait until Sasuke's out?" Ino asked.

"…Doesn't matter."

"I wanna go first!" Naruto said as he waved his hand excitedly.

(Pwa… I don't really know the rules, so if it sounds kinda weird, I'm sorry.)  
Sakura spun the bottle and it landed…

Meanwhile in the shower with Sasuke, he had taken the liberty to notice Naruto had gotten a label maker. Naruto had a field day with said label maker, so everything in the bathroom was labeled. Towels, toothbrushes, even the toilet. Sasuke looked at three bottles on the sink.

'Hinata's shampoo.' 'Gaara's shampoo.' 'Naruto's shampoo.'

He picked up the bottle labeled Naruto's shampoo like it was an item of worship.

'_His shampoo…'_ he sighed internally and externally. Sasuke got in the shower, turned it on, and squirted about half the bottle on his head.

'_His shampoo…'_ He blushed, new naughty fantasies coming to mind. Mostly of Naruto washing his hair in the shower, then himself… Suds dripping slowly… His nose spurted blood that was washed away by the warm water. He poured the rest of the shampoo on his cranium without a second thought. Sasuke scrubbed it in, savoring the scent.

'_Ohhhh…Naruto…' _ Sasuke moaned at the thought of being in the shower with the blonde. The water rinsed out his hair, and he moved to put on more shampoo, then froze in shock.

"…Holy shit!" he exclaimed.

'_I used a whole bottle of shampoo! What am I gonna do?'_ Sasuke worried, and then his inner and perverted side gave him the best idea of all.

'_Give him some of yourself.'_

Sasuke twisted off the cap. _'I should listen to my inner self more often.'_

Sasuke was glad to remember that Naruto's shampoo had been a creamy white…

(…You may be thinking, 'Oh no you didn't'. I did. I really fucking did. Sasuke is masturbating in Naruto's shampoo bottle while our blonde protagonist…)

The glass bottle pointed to Gaara.

"So we just have to sit in the closet?" Naruto asked brightly, causing all to sweatdrop at his cluelessness.

Gaara and Naruto climbed into Naruto's empty closet, shut the door and sat. Everyone pressed their ears on the sliding door to listen.

"You're lucky Gaara-kun."

"Why?"

"You have siblings."

"I hate them."

"But I always wanted a sister or something."

"Trust me, you don't."

"Why not?"

"Because Kankuro is a weirdo- " everyone outside the closet thought, 'look who's talking'.

"And Temari keeps saying 'God Gaara, stop stealing my eyeliner!' when I haven't even done anything."

"Do you wear eyeliner or Kohl or what?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Tattoos."

"…You tattooed your eyelids."

"Yeah."

"…Sugoi!"

"The guy who did the tattoos is a good artist. I'll take you sometime."

"Really? Awesome!" Naruto chirped happily.

The listeners, and a fully clothed Sasuke who'd recently joined them after his dirty deed, heard a shuffle.

"Stop hugging me. I only said I'll take you to get a tattoo."

"Heh." Naruto gave an impish grin.

'_Naruto hugged Sabaku no Gaara…'_ was all anyone could really think.

"Why are we supposed to be here?"

"It's the game."

"To sit in a closet?"

"We're supposed to be… Ah, forget it."

'_**Don't let him forget it! Make out!'**_

'_How many times must I tell you to be quiet?'_

'_**Boy, if you don't make a move on the brat sometime soon, I'm taking over your body and doing it for you!'**_

"Gaara-kun, you're zoning out again."

"Oh. Gomen."

"I made up a song. Sing it with me."

"I don't know the words. Or the rhythm. Or the notes."

Naruto started humming and then told Gaara the words.

"Got it?"

"I guess…"

(Hey, the song is Neko Mimi Mode, the opening theme to Tsukuyomi. If you know the words, you can sing along. As you read. If you don't know what it sounds like, look it up on youtube or something and play it while you read. Make sure it's the short version. Or you could just skip this part. Oh yeah, doing a running translation.)

"Neko mimi!" Naruto began and Gaara joined in. (Kitty ear!) (Techinically cat ear, but kitty sounds better.)

"Neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo ne!" (Kitty ear mode, it's kitty ear mode!)

"Neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo ne!" (…Do I really need to tell you what that says?)

"Neko mimi modo! Unya…" (Kitty ear mode! Meow…)

"Unyaya!" (Meow meow!)

"Furufuru furumu-n!" (Full, full, full moon!)

"Kissu… Oniisama!" Naruto sang, then briefly brushed his lips against Gaara's who blushed. (Kiss big brother!)(Which…Doesn't make sense…Naruto's older…)

"Kissu… Ya ku sa ku yo!" (Kiss, it's a promise)

Gaara was too flustered by the next line to sing it, so Naruto had a one line solo.

"Kissu… Atashi no shimobe…" (Kiss, my servant…)

"Kissu…" (Kiss. Duh.)

"Neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo, neko mimi modo ne." (Sing line twice. I don't want to type it again.)

"Kissu, shitakunachatta…" Naruto finished. (Kiss, I feel like having one.)

Naruto pressed his lips gently to Gaara's, who blushed and kissed him back.

It was brief, as so not to be suspicious. Naruto winked, and started a new topic.

"I wish I had kids…" he sighed.

"You're too young."

"Says who?"

"Says me. …Would you stop hugging me?"

"Gaara-kuun…" Naruto whined.

"What?"

"Who am I supposed to hug then?"

"Hinata." Gaara lied, wanting very much to be hugged by the blonde.

"But I can't until they let us out."

"Do you want me to ask?"

"No, they'll tell us."

"Do you really think that?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

'_Oh Naruto…'_ Gaara sighed.

Approximately three dozen hugs (after each of which Shukaku said **_'Now, take off his shirt…'_** Or something else to that effect) and two hours later, they were still in the closet.

"Gaara-kun… I'm sleepy…"

"Then go to sleep."

The shinobi heard a silence as Naruto dozed off.

"Not on me." Gaara muttered, loud enough for the snooping ninja to hear.

"You might as well let us out. We know you've been leaning on the door ever since we got in here."  
_'…Crap!'_ was the general thought at that time.

They slid the door open and Ino and Tenten had to refrain from squealing how cute the two demon holders looked together. Sakura looked like she was in shock, which she was. Hinata and Sasuke both looked like they were about to kick some serious ass and take names.

Naruto's arms were wrapped around Gaara's waist, his face propped up on the redhead's chest, and the fox boy was smiling like he was having a good dream. Gaara tried to get up, but found his legs too tangled with Naruto's to move much. He sighed and sat back.

"Looks like we're stuck."

Hinata was about ready to chop the closet apart with an axe.

'_Oh no you're not. Not as long as I live.'_ Sasuke thought as he grabbed Naruto's shirt.

The blonde's response was gripping onto Gaara tighter.

"Five more minutes dad…" he muttered.

"Wake up dobe!" Sasuke yelled.

Naruto subconsciously set him on fire.

"Why… Are you…" he continued to mutter.

"No don't get out the coals!" he screamed and began shivering, causing the other shinobi to wonder what he was talking about. (Kyuubi…Ah, I explain later.)

"Naruto… Wake up…" Gaara said softly in his ear, brushing away a golden lock.

The blonde blinked a bit and sat back.

"Gaara-kun, I'm sleepy…" Naruto yawned.

"I know." Gaara said as he picked Naruto up and laid him down on his bed, then sat down beside him.

'_Son of a bitch!'_ Hinata cursed mentally. The bed was only big enough for two.

The others slowly drifted away in the abyss of sleep and slumber was at hand for most.

Except Sasuke.

And Gaara.

Sasuke crept towards the bed and poked the leg of the person nearest to the edge. To his surprise, it was Gaara.

Gaara wasn't surprised.

"Looking for someone?" he asked.

"Uh…"

"Go to sleep before I smash open your skull and leave you to Shukaku and the buzzards."

"Naruto won't like it when he finds out." Sasuke replied, trying to keep his voice even.

"Who says he has to?" Gaara asked with a wicked grin.

"…" Sasuke crawled back under his blanket.

Several hours later, Gaara still hadn't fallen asleep. Sasuke decided to be risky.

"From one Naruto lover to another…" He began. Gaara looked towards him.

"Yes?"

"…Best fantasy."

Dozens of images, mostly shoved there by Shukaku, popped into Gaara's head, and he attempted to sort through them. While Gaara sat, staring at the ceiling in indecision, Sasuke snuck over to the bed and pulled Naruto out from under the sheets, then dragged him back to where he was sleeping.

Sasuke felt happy.

He moved towards Naruto, ready to kiss him.

And then Gaara noticed his love toy had disappeared.

'_I'll never win with this guy…'_ Sasuke thought as a wave of sand picked Naruto up, and Sasuke turned away in fear for his life.

Yet he wasn't dead.

He looked over his shoulder and saw a long box made of sand.

Big enough for two people.

Sasuke punched the box and nearly broke his hand on it. He wasn't sure what to do.

If he used the Chidori, everyone would wake up and ask what he was doing.

If he didn't, Gaara would've beaten him.

Sasuke accepted his defeat gracefully this time.

Well, that is, if you call mentally murdering Gaara, crying at the loss, and then going to fill Naruto's shampoo bottle some more graceful.

Inside the box, Gaara, who was atop Naruto, kissed him softly, not wanting to wake the blonde.

'_**Go ahead. Wake him. It's more fun that way.'**_

'_Don't make me get an exorcist.'_

He buried his face in Naruto's golden hair and sighed.

"You're not his. Or Hinata's. You're mine."

"Gaara-kun…" Naruto whispered in his sleep.

They stayed that way until dawn.


	13. Unlucky 13! Naruto's Seduction!

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey all. I have now let my email be revealed on my profile, so you can email me cool stuff or whatever. Don't email me viruses though. After my mom kicks my ass, I'll kick yours. Also, there's 46 people who've got this on alert and over thirteen thousand views. Why aren't there more comments? COMMENT PLEASE!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Shukaku would be a pervert and Sasuke would have some serious problems.

0o0

Ch.13 Unlucky 13! Naruto's Seduction!

0o0

Naruto and Gaara crawled out of the box and saw that everyone was still asleep.

"When you were asleep, you mentioned something about hot coals…"

"Eh? Oh that? Sometimes if I didn't wake up in the mornings, Dad would pour hot coals on me." Naruto explained.

"…"

"Yeah. It hurt." The blonde grinned sheepishly.

Slowly the shinobi began to wake. The biggest shock was seeing Lee jump up with no pants on.

"Oh my Kami!"

"He's built like a Ken doll!" (I watched Dogma recently. Can you tell?)

Several contemplated burning out their retinas but decided against it.

"Put some clothes on!" Kiba howled.

Lee pulled on his usual green spandex jumpsuit… Thingy… (Is there even a proper word for what he wears?) And everyone gave a sigh of relief.

One by one, the guests departed, leaving the three residents alone again.

'_Another day…Another plot…Naruto's virginity will be mine!'_ Hinata though excitedly as she said,

"Ur… I have to go get some things from the store…"

Naruto nodded as he folded a blanket, not noticing how Gaara was staring at his ass, and said,

"See you later then."

"Bye." She waved as she walked out the door and once she was out of the apartment, a string of evil laughs trickled from her mouth.

"Kukukukukukukuku…. You'll be seeing me all right…"

Once the partygoers mess had been cleaned (total cleanup time: one hour), Naruto turned to Gaara and said,  
"I'm going to take a shower okay?"

Gaara nodded nonchalantly and watched the blonde enter the bathroom and closed the door.

'_**Okay, your argument with the girl may have prevented you from doing it last time, but you can go screw him now!'**_

'…_I don't think I've ever heard a better idea from you.'_

'_**I try to take care of you.'**_

Naruto looked up from his sudsy arm that he was currently washing to the door which opened slowly. Outside, a peeping tom by the name of Sasuke cursed his bad luck.

"Hey Gaara-kun. Whatcha doin'?" Naruto asked the redhead as he approached.

Naruto noticed that there was only a towel around Gaara's waist and he blushed.

"Urm… Gaara-kun?"

"Yes Kitsune?"

Naruto smiled at the pet name and asked,

"What do you want Raku-n?"

"I was… Thinking of taking a shower too." Gaara said as he stepped ever closer to Naruto, steam surrounding the two.

'_Damn you Sabaku no Gaara!'_ Sasuke thought as he cried silently, watching the scene through the bathroom's small circular window.

"Do… Humans normally do that?" Naruto asked as he eyed Gaara warily, wondering what the look in Gaara's pale blue eyes was.

'_Like…He's hungry…'_

"Sometimes with the people they love."

"…" Naruto furrowed his brow in confusion.

"But… I don't think Sakura and Ino take baths with Sasuke…"

"Ugh. Why do you have to mention him?"

"It was just an example…"

"I mean love, like what we have."

"Oh…" Naruto said as he nodded in vague understanding.

'_I don't really get it, but Gaara wouldn't lie to me…'_

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as the sun shines in summer desert." Gaara replied smoothly as he pulled away his towel, revealing all of himself to Naruto who blushed even deeper.

'_...Huh?' _Was all his mind could comprehend at that time.

'_You bastard! Hiretsukan!'_ (Despicable person) Sasuke's anger grew, fists tightly clenching the small ledge until it began to crumble.

"Well…If you say so…" Naruto said as he reached for his shampoo. (Dun dun dun…)

He poured a small amount on his head, sniffed the air, then pulled his hands away.

"This doesn't smell like my shampoo… Or feel like it either…" He stuck out his tongue, letting the shampoo bottle hover over it, prepared to make sure with a taste test.

Gaara pulled the bottle from Naruto's grasp, opened the window and threw the bottle at Sasuke so hard it knocked out one of the raven haired teen's teeth.

"What was that for?" Naruto asked as Gaara shut the window.

"That was _not_ shampoo."

He stepped into the small shower behind Naruto and washed the un-shampoo out of the boy's golden hair.

"Gaara-kun…" Naruto squirmed, but Gaara held him firmly. He didn't want to have to hurt Gaara…

"Trust me. You don't want to know what that was."

"Okay…" Naruto allowed Gaara to finish washing out his hair.

That was his first mistake.

Gaara was exerting an amazing amount of self-control as he looked at the wet… Sexy… Innocent… Ah, the hell with self-control.

"Raku-n…" Naruto drew out the word, driving Gaara crazy.

Second mistake.

Gaara slid his water-slicked hands down Naruto's side and let them rest on his pelvis.

"Gaara-kun, what are you doing?"

Gaara rubbed his body against Naruto's back, nibbling the fox boy's currently human ear, feeling both their erections growing.  
"Kitsune…" he purred softly.

(Right about now, you all are probably going 'OMFG!!!' So am I.)

"Ah! Gaara-kun… What…" Naruto couldn't finish his sentence as he shivered, though the water was warm.

Gaara sucked on Naruto's neck slowly, causing him to whimper, setting him at his task with renewed vigor.

'_**That's my boy!'**_

"No…Gaara. We can't… I don't know what you're doing… But we can't…" Naruto whispered as he tried to shy away from the redhead.

"Why not?" Gaara asked plainly.

"Because…" Naruto tried to think of a reason. This _did_ feel pretty good… But still…

"Hinata…"

Gaara spun Naruto around and pushed him against the shower wall.

"Are you saying you love her more?"

"I… Love you both the same…"

"Well then…" he pressed his body closer to Naruto's.

"I'll have to make you love me more, now won't I?"

"Not necessarily…" Naruto said, not wanting to have to resort to force to make Gaara stop.

Naruto was ensnared in a deep kiss, Gaara's dominance over Naruto overwhelming.

"Mmff…Stop." Naruto said as he pulled his lips away from Gaara's.

Gaara ignored this and pushed Naruto to his knees, fingers entwined in his golden hair.

"Stop." Naruto commanded, firmer this time.

Gaara ignored once more and turned Naruto's face up towards him.

"I'm about to make you feel _very_ good…" (Lame, I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying.)

"I SAID STOP DAMMIT!" Naruto yelled as he punched Gaara, sending him flying into the wall.

Sasuke was glad that he didn't have to intervene, explain _why_ he was looking through Naruto's bathroom window, and generally have Naruto hate him for the rest of his life.

Naruto stormed out in a huff, not even bothering to put on any clothes.

That was the third mistake.

Hinata, garbed in a scanty black leotard, fishnets, and a pair of cat ears that matched her hair color, laid on the floor in a position similar to the night previous.

"Naruto-kun… You know just how to be when I'm ready…" she said with a soft giggle.

Ready for what? Naruto wanted to scream.

'_What is up with Gaara-kun and Hinata-chan today? Have they lost their minds?'_

"Don't you think my outfit looks good, Naruto-kun?"

"N-no…" Naruto lied as he looked away.

"Oh." Hinata pouted and stood up.

'_I didn't want to have to do this…'_

"Would you like a cup of tea then?"

"Uh… Sure…"

Hinata handed him a steaming cup from the table that he hadn't previously noticed. Naruto gulped it down then collapsed.

"W-what…"

"A mild paralysis potion."

'_Mild if you're an elephant.'_

"Now…"

"Hey!" Gaara yelled as he marched in.

"What do you want?"

"Temporary truce?"

"Only if we start at the same time."

"…Fine!" Gaara agreed.

Through sheer willpower, Naruto broke free from the potion's effects and sprinted like a madman out the door.

"You can't evade it forever!" Hinata yelled after him, knowing there's no way they could catch him now.

Naruto ran the one place where he'd be safe.

'_**DAAAAAAADDDDYYY!!!'**_

Kyuubi looked up from the crossword he was having one of his minions fill in because he couldn't hold a pencil.

'_**What?'**_

'_**Hinata-chan and Gaara-kun are acting weird!**_

'_**What do you mean weird?'**_

'_**They're both trying to… Do things to me…'**_

'_**What kinds of things?'**_

'_**Gaara cornered me in the shower and kept touching me, Hinata I can't really describe, and then they paralyzed me with tea!'**_

'_**Kit, that's part of relationships.'**_

'**_I don't like it! What is it anyway?'_**

'_**In a relationship, both participants have wants and desires. Right now, their desire is, from the sound of it, sex.'**_

'_**What? But…I don't know anything about that!'**_

'_**Which is why you came to the right demon.'**_

'_**Teach me!'**_

'_**Just because you asked.'**_

And so Kyuubi taught Naruto all the profound mysteries of sex that night, leaving Naruto, while more well versed, scarred for life.

Naruto came home early the next morning, to see Hinata and Gaara waiting for him at the door.

' _Don't be afraid to use force.'_ Naruto remembered as they tried to jump him and he shoved them away.

"N-Naruto-kun…"

"Naruto?"

"Did I not tell you to stop?"

"Yes but- " Gaara tried to protest.

"No buts. I told you to stop. I'm not ready for that yet."

"But…" Gaara looked defeated and Hinata sat quietly.

'_**Don't quit on me boy!'**_

'_He told me to stop. I'm going to respect that.'_

'_**Wimp.'**_

'_At least I'm in love.'_

"To amend for all the things you've done…"

Both Hinata and Gaara looked up.

"You will both be my uke for all eternity."

'_**He didn't.'**_

'_You mean he didn't just ruin your chance of kids? Yeah, he kinda did.'_

'_**I'll kill that brat!'**_

'_Not as long as I'm here.'_

Meanwhile, Sasuke, back in his own room, drooled over how sexy Naruto was in the shower.

Some things just don't change…

0o0

Thus ends this chapter…

I REALLY THINK IT'S TIME TO CHANGE THE RATING TO M!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

(Caps lock just to grab your attention…)


	14. Kitsune no Kyuubi

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey people. From the people who actually answered my question (plus me), it was unanimously decided that KnK shall now be…. :strikes dramatic pose:

Reviewers: Just say it.

Chi: Yes. Stop being stupid.

Tenshi: If I wasn't stupid, I wouldn't be me.

Chi: Baka.

Tenshi: It shall now be… :Strikes another pose causing all to think briefly how stupid she is: M RATED!

Chi: Congratulations. You turned your original story into a smut fest.

Tenshi: Shut up, you know it's better!

Chi: Sigh…

Tenshi: Oh, and for the shockingly high amount of hits this story has gotten (shocking for me at least) I'll make a Q&A chapter with the characters to answer any and all questions!

Either PM me or email me. Doesn't matter which… Enjoy the chapter!

Chi: Would you please just write faster so we can get to the serious part?

Tenshi: Nah, we still got a few chapters till we're there.

0o0

Ch.14 Kitsune no Kyuubi

0o0

One week after Naruto had condemned Gaara and Hinata to eternal uketude, he exclaimed,

"Oh! Hinata-chan, you look pretty in that! What is it?"

The 'what' in question was a midnight blue yukata with white lilies sprouting.

"Ne, ne, Gaara-kun is wearing one too!" Naruto noticed, hopping around his room excitedly, grinning like a maniac. Gaara was wearing a black yukata, with thin red vertical stripes. Naruto then said his first thought.

"Raku-n, why are you wearing a dress?"

"What did you just call him?" Hinata demanded, wondering why Gaara got a pet name and why she was just stuck with Hinata. A dark evil filled the space surrounding her.

Naruto then remembered why he didn't call Gaara Raku-n in public.

Partly because no one knew they were married and also because he recently found out his wife is just a _little_ psychotic.

Especially when it came to him and Gaara.

You know, being together.

"Um… Nothing, koishii…" Naruto stammered, fully prepared to escape.

"Don't koishii me! What makes him so special that _he_ gets a nickname?" Hinata demanded, fully prepared to kick her husband's fox ass. She took several steps towards him.

"Aishiteru!" Naruto yelled, hoping it would work.

"Ohh… Aishiteru as well. And you shall wear a yukata, which is _not_ a dress,that was made by my loving hands." She replied sweetly, not at all the freakishly evil person she was three seconds ago.

'…_This chick is out of her fucking mind…'_ Gaara thought as Shukaku blinked slowly.

'…_**I do believe you're right.'**_

The yukata she handed him was orange with waves crashing silver, white, and blue.

"Now hurry up and put it on. I told the others we'd meet them in fifteen minutes." She continued in the same saccharine tone.

Naruto tried to go around her to get into the bathroom, but she wouldn't let him. Ever since the tea incident, he got nervous when he was naked near Gaara and Hinata.

"Um…Hinata-chan? Can I go into the bathroom to change?"

"NO!"

"But- "

Hinata pulled a pistol from a small midnight blue bag she was holding, raised her arm till the muzzle was pointing directly up, and fired a shot into the ceiling, cutting off Naruto's protest.

"Um…"

"Take your clothes off!"

"But I…"

"Take the fucking clothes off!" She fired another shot, not caring that the upstairs neighbor was terrified out of his mind that bullets were coming through the floor.

"Hinata-chan…" She pointed the pistol at Naruto now, causing him to go wide-eyed.

"I will shoot you and your boyfriend if you do not change in here. I really will."

Seeing the determination in her eyes and knowing that she wasn't all there, Naruto stripped down to his underwear with no more words.

Hinata stepped forward, sighed, and rubbed her cheek against Naruto's pecs, enjoying the feel of the tanned skin.

"Ah…My aruji has such a nice body… You make all the boys jealous they're not as fit as you are… And all the girls are sad their boyfriends don't have such a great anatomy…"

"Hinata-chan…Can I just get my yukata on?"

"No. Let's stay like this for a little longer." She said, moving her hand with the gun, which had been pointing at the floor, to his abdomen. Naruto gulped as he heard the hammer click.

"Ah.. Hahaha…" Naruto giggled nervously.

'_**And people think you're crazy.'**_

'_I know. Where've they been?'_

'_**You better do something before she blasts a hole in your lover.'**_

'_She wouldn't do that…Would she?'_

'_**From the looks of things, yes.'**_

'_Fucking crazy chick.'_

"Don't we have to meet someone?" Gaara pointed out and Hinata let Naruto go and said,

"Oh yes. So we do."

After Naruto had gotten dressed and the boys had persuaded/forced Hinata to leave her gun at home, they went off to the Tanabata festival.

They showed up late.

Fifteen minutes late, mostly because it was _very_ difficult to separate Hinata from her gun.

"Nee-san!" Hanabi squealed as she glomped her elder sister.

"Gomen…" she then said, backing off.

"Why are you here?"

"To enjoy the festival with you, silly!"

As the group strolled around, mostly watching Naruto's eyes brighten at nearly everything, all was carefree. This was, after all, his first human festival. (They didn't know that though. He had been to some demon events. It goes unsaid that they were very different.)

They never noticed Hinata's disappearance.

She struggled with her captors as she activated her Byakugan, but one of them whispered,

"We know all about your technique. That's why we cuffed you."

Hinata felt the cold metal against her wrists, though she fought them, they wouldn't break. She mentally cursed Naruto for making her leave her beloved pistol at home.

Hinata adjusted to the darkness of wherever she was, which appeared to be an old circus tent, and saw the two men. They were tall, about six feet each, one with brunette hair, the other electric blue.

The brunette brushed his fingers across her face and said,

"Your eyes will fetch you a pretty price at the market." He gave a wolfish grin and a small chuckle accompanied it.

"That's not to say that we can't have some fun first."

Hinata simply kicked him in the face.

"Bitch!" he swore as half a dozen teeth were knocked out.

The blue haired man tied her ankles together.

'…_No matter how hard I fight…They won't stop. I'm scared. Scared…Naruto...'_

"Naruto!" she yelled with all her might.

Prior to Hinata's cry, Naruto had sensed something wrong. Like…  
SHE DISAPPEARED.

He ran off without any words. In his minds eye, he saw the kidnapping, then a new image. (Oooh. Third Eye. Mystical…)

The man with the blue hair laughed.

"She's feisty." He purred as he leaned forward to unveil midnight to view the pale skin, but she lunged forward and bit his hand.

He slapped her, though she held on the best she could. The brunette pulled his accomplices' hand back and she began to weep.

"Now, are we going to cooperate?"

Naruto snarled as the vision disappeared.

'_I'll slit their throats, I'll claw their eyes out, I'll rip them apart! I'll kill them!'_

With each step, he changed more. His arms and legs turned into those of a fox and he was on all fours. His tails spread and his ears searched for Hinata's voice. Thick golden fur sprouted, claws and fangs grew sharp. In contrast to the frightening appearance, his eyes remained as blue as the cloudless sky, distorted by one black gash that was his pupil. He'd finally gained his full fox form.

As his feet continued to thunder against the ground, he lost his humanity, step by step.

He knew one thing only: Kill the ones who'd captured his mate.

His bloodlust grew until it exploded when he found the two men and Hinata who cried as she was stripped of her clothing.

He lunged at the brunette, roaring in fury. Hinata thanked whatever celestial being was helping her as the tiger-sized fox jumped the man.

"What are you?" the brunette man whispered as he lost control of his bladder.

"Kitsune no Kyuubi." Naruto hissed before ripping out the slave trader's throat.

The bluenette fled the tent and Naruto trotted towards Hinata and nudged her with his bloody muzzle.

'_She'll love me for this. I rescued her. She'll be so grateful she'll mate with me. Maybe the other one will too.'_ (Other one. Gaara.)

Naruto's mind had gone as wild as his body, thinking like an animal, craving to sate his carnal urges. A growl of arousal arose in the back of his throat and he approached her, minor flags going up in his mind.

'_Oh yes. The one with the blue hair.'_ He merely made a 'whuff' noise and went to go kill the nuisance.

Outside, Aoi-man was screaming that a demon had just killed his friend.

"It called itself Kitsune no Kyuubi." He whimpered in terror. A murmur of shock went around and things were whispered.

"It's the Kyuubi's off spring come back to finish the job."

"We're doomed."

"Kyuubi…"

Naruto stalked his prey, no one noticing until it was too late. Naruto pinned the man to the ground, ignoring the shocked onlookers.

"Do you know why you're going to die, human?" Naruto hissed, barely able to remember the words.

"No…"

"You stole my mate and you tried to defile her."

"No, onegai, no!"

"Repent your sins in hell!" Naruto roared as he raised his paw and smashed the man's face in. Blood sprayed and brains squelched under his claws.

He bared his fangs at the surrounding group.

'_What are they staring at? Do they want my female too?'_ Another growl emerged.

"Please stop!" Hinata yelled as she crawled to her demon.

He shredded the cloth that bound her, then threw her onto his back. He muttered a spell and his body mass grew larger and larger until he was the same size as Kyuubi had been thirteen years previous.

He, vaguely remembering who Hinata wanted him to rescue, cast hypnosis on the ninja cells, and picked up the rookies and Team Gai. And Kakashi. And even though he didn't really want to, Sasuke.

Naruto swung his tails, the ends of which were covered in blue fire, in a wide arc, setting light to buildings and trees. He howled, then trotted away, content, leaving the town to paint the sky and the ground red.

His easy step turned into a loping gait and he stopped some three hundred miles away at a cave system set up just for this day to drop off all the humans.

All, but two.

He ran further, then stopped and shifted back to his original size and let Hinata and Gaara off. They stood in a valley full of perfumed bursts of flowers, although the primary vegetation was long grass, the crescent moon a half-closed eye of witness.

"Why are we here?" Hinata asked as Naruto crunched the cuffs in his teeth.

"I wish you to pleasure me."

"What?"

"I rescued you. Are you not pleased with me?"

"Well yes but- "

"You are my mate aren't you?"

"Yes…"

"It is both of our duties to serve each others whims."

"But what about the possibility of children?"

The demon's face softened as he transformed to human.

"I always wanted kids…"

"…" Neither Hinata nor Gaara had anything to say. But they sure as hell had some things to think.

'_SCORE! I'm gonna get laid!'_

'_**Well brat, you did it. It's the moment of truth. Forget your promise.'**_

'_Shut up! You're killing the mood!'_

"I'm finally ready. Shall we begin?"

The moon was the only testament of what happened after.

0o0

You may be wondering who took Naruto's virginity. Well, in Kyuubi's discussion of sex, he divulged one of his greatest and most successful secrets. It happens to involve multiplying a certain body part to fit the need of the situation… Ah, I'll just say it outright.

Naruto used fox magic to give himself two dicks and did them both at the same time.

You will never look at a three way the same way again.

Ask some questions if you dare so I can have a good Q&A chapter. Ja ne minna!****


	15. You Seriously Didn't Know Sasuke's Gay?

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hello people! Thanks for 15,000 hits! I know, I should draw a picture or something, but I have no idea what to do…(That's not suggesting you tell me, just that I thought of it.) Pwa… This isn't the Q&A chapter seeing as I've only gotten a few Qs from previous chapters. Do some recent ones. I want to make up more loopholes.

0o0

Ch. 15 (Whoot! Fifteen!) You Seriously Didn't Know Sasuke's Gay?

0o0

After some wonderful sex, Naruto took his spouses back to the cave where the humans had been dropped off at and waited for them to wake up. Worried glances were exchanged once they had and nervous questions were asked. Naruto climbed a stalagmite and balanced himself easily on the tip.

"The beast is still here." Naruto announced.

"How do you know?" Tenten asked as she glanced around fearfully.

"Is it by the power of youth?" Lee asked, being his usual self.

"He will take good care of you, but he will severely punish those who try to escape. He also hopes you can enjoy your new lives."

"How do you know?" Everyone who wasn't in on the truth asked. Naruto hesitated before replying,

"I know because I am the beast."

Most of the shinobi sat shocked, but Neji activated his Byakugan and sprung at the blonde. Hinata stepped in front of her cousin in a fighting stance. He blinked, amazed.

"Hinata-sama…" he murmured.

"Are you going to fight me?" Hinata demanded as she kept stance.

"There's… More than one chakra inside of you… You're…" he looked embarrassed as he said the next word.

"Pregnant." (That's to remind you that it happens, even the first time. Chi: You sound like the health teacher…)

"Eh?" Hinata blushed and turned to Naruto.

"Did you hear that? We're going to have children!" she whispered excitedly.

Naruto gave a huge cheer before leaping off the rock fixture and hugging Hinata.

"Yay! Babies!"

Neji meanwhile checked all the other girls.

"Don't bother. I wouldn't want them." Naruto snorted, offending them very much so, but they didn't want to do anything against a demon.

Neji undid his Byakugan, then blinked and returned to Byakugan state to confirm what he saw.

Gaara…Had multiple chakra as well? (That answers your question HNN-chan.)

He made a mental note to tell the sand nin.

'_My family…But, they'll be okay because they're great ninja!'_ All were thinking positively, lifted by Hinata's pregnancy.

"You all will make this cave system your home. I can go out and get luxuries if you wish. Also, we shall need to determine your mates by the end of the hour, so I can fix the living arrangements."

The group of shinobi glanced amongst themselves.

"Uh…Do you mean like a wife?" Sasuke asked as he raised his eyebrow.

Ino and Sakura looked rather ecstatic and vowed to make Sasuke theirs.

"There's only three girls." Shino pointed out.

"When's breakfast?" Choji asked as he munched on one of his last bags of precious chips.

"Soon." Naruto replied.

Kiba was sulking that he at not being able to be with Hinata, he hunched on the ground pushing a pebble around with one finger.

'_She'll probably go with Naruto because she's having his kids…Unless we both got really, really, really drunk at the festival and they_'_re ours…But there's no way to tell until they're born…I should be happy for her right? I mean, how long has she been drooling over Naruto? …How long have I been drooling over her? Uhn…I hate this…Even if they are his, I'd be a better father then he could ever be…Baka kitsune bastard. '_

"I know! Musical mates!" Naruto exclaimed and as if on cue, a lone fiddle began singing in the distance.

"Whoever you're dancing with at the end of the song is your mate!"

So they danced.

(Because you can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. Because if your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well they're no friend of mine. Sorry. I couldn't resist. :starts doing the safety dance as people continue to read: )

A more accurate description was; Kakashi read his book, Shikamaru stared at the ceiling without moving from his original spot in the middle of the entrance cave's floor, Shino stood off to the side with Choji who offered him a chip (he politely declined), Tenten glanced at Neji shyly but was ignored, Kiba continued to sulk, Lee danced with the power of youth, and Sasuke fended off advances from Ino and Sakura. Naruto was doing the 'I'm going to have a baby so I'm better than you all, in your face!' dance next to Hinata who was slightly pissed she had left her pistol at Naruto's apartment, though it didn't show on her face.

As the song ended several things happened at once.

Ino tripped on a rock and fell on Shikamaru.

Tenten gently took Neji's sleeve in her hand.

And as Lee chased her, Sakura ran the fastest she'd ever in her life and clutched onto the person she ran into, which happened to be Kakashi.

And the music stopped.

"I'm stuck with her?" (Or him.) they all yelled when they saw their mates.

Naruto, thinking all this to be very funny began to giggle as the arguments bubbled forth. (Let's play 'Who said what?')

"How troublesome."

"Of all the people to grab my shirt!"

"Hinataaaaaa!" (That one was Kiba wailing. Poor guy.)

"Why am I stuck with the lazy guy?"  
"Sakura-chan! No! Your youthfulness will be wasted on the elder one!"

"Gomen sensei…"

"Sakura-chan, would you like to see what all of Jiraiya's books taught me?"

"Hang on Kakashi. You have to pick a cave first." Naruto said as he led the group through a long tunnel.

Crystals glowed brightly above them and they entered a rocky corridor, with doors on each side that led into separate rooms. Naruto pointed at one room. The door opened, and inside there was a rather basic set of furniture, a king sized bed, a closet, and a half bath.

"This is my room. All the rooms are the same. You share a room with your mates." Naruto explained as the pairs made their way to their new rooms.

"What about us?" Kiba asked.

"You bachelors share a room."

"Why should we listen to you?" Neji asked, cold disregard in his eyes.

"Because I'll kill you if you don't." Naruto replied with a sunny smile as he watched the Hyuuga get dragged off by Tenten.

"I'll give you all three years to better know your mate and whelp."

When the ninja poked their heads out of the rooms and gave him strange looks, he elaborated further.

"Give birth."

Several pairs of eyes widened.

"Naruto, what's that on your neck?" Sakura asked as she noticed a large purple spot on the right side of Naruto's neck. (Chapter 13. In the shower. Need I say more?)

"It's a kiss mark!"

"…" No one said anything to that.

Later on, after everyone had managed to settle in, Naruto led them to a huge hot spring and dove in.  
"It's like a lake…" Ino gasped as she stepped lightly, white towel around her body.

Everyone began to relax in the steamy water.

"MY POWER OF YOUTH HAS BEEN REPLENISHED!" Lee yelled as he shook his wet hair and ran down the tunnel back to the bachelor's room, not noticing when his towel fell away. No one really cared.

'_What has Gai done to that poor kid?'_ Kakashi wondered briefly.

Naruto was swimming laps.

Hinata, who was no longer in competition with Gaara sat beside the sand nin, who said nothing.

Neji and Tenten argued about something stupid, the remaining bachelors talked about bachelor things, and Sakura sat beside her new husband who smiled at her.

'…_Does he wear that stupid thing even when he sleeps?'_ Sakura wondered as she stared at his mask.

"Kakashi-sensei, I- "

"What are you doing after this?"

"I'm going to bed."  
"It's not even noon. At least I don't think so."

"I'm too stressed to do anything else. Today's been weird." She sighed.  
"Would you mind if I joined you?"  
"Eh? Does that mean- " She blushed pink.

"You are my wife."

"Kakashi-sensei, I'm your student! We can't behave in this manner!" she shouted, causing several others to look at the scene that she was creating.

"Yes. You're my sexy little schoolgirl." He grinned back.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

"Just kidding." Kakashi raised his hands in a 'I'm just messing with my student' gesture.

"…Somehow I don't believe you."

"But I was serious you know."  
"Kakashi-san!"

"What? Would you rather be my petite kitten? Maybe a rabbit is more your style… You're training to be a medic, maybe a nurse…" (BTW the story Hellooo Nurse! By Vicadin-Tea. It's good. Go read it.)

"Kakashi-san!" She was about to protest more, but he kissed her.

"Kakashi-sensei, how could you?" She demanded.

"What?"

"Steal my first kiss!"

"Oh." He smiled sheepishly and kissed her again.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Afterwards, Kakashi asked the question.

"Have you all had the talk yet?"

"I had the mating talk!" Naruto yelled loudly.

"…Anyone else?"

There was no response.

"Well then, now's a good time as any."

Kakashi set up in the entrance cavern, prepared with posters and everything.

"Where's he getting all this stuff?" Naruto asked Gaara, who shrugged.

"By the way, I'm pregnant." Gaara said nonchalantly.

'…_How is this possible?_' He wondered to himself.

'_**UGH! You're so stupid! You were supposed to fuck him, not get fucked!'**_

'_Try something new. Stop talking, how about that? …And you know it felt good.'_

'_**Damn that bastard fox! He taught his son to override your common sense!'**_

'_Pah. It's better than you trying to tell me what to do.'_

'_**And you're making up your own fantasies now! Why are you always the uke in them?'**_

'_Because I felt like it.'_

'_**Why don't you want dominance?'**_

'_I've had enough dominance when it comes to my life. I want to be submissive for something.'_

'_**Just because you're pregnant now does not mean that you can be submissive. He can't screw you, but you can screw him.'**_

'_Aren't you supposed to be glad that you're getting heirs?'_

'_**You baka brat! Because he was the seme, it means they'll be foxes, not tanuki!'**_

'_And you want tanuki.'_

'_**YES!'**_

'_Why can't you just ever be happy with what you get?'_

Gaara ended his conversation with Shukaku and looked at Naruto who was staring at him.

"You're… Going to have…Babies too?"

"Yes."

"…Sugoi! I'm so awesome!" Naruto yelled as he hopped around like a rabbit on crack.

"Shut up, I'm trying to hear what your idiot sensei has to say."

Right now Kakashi was explaining puberty in women, so Gaara stopped caring, but when Kakashi pulled Sakura beside him and groped her openly, everyone was watching.

With a scarlet blush, she slapped him.

"Kakashi!"

"Kakashi you dirty old geezer!" Ino yelled.

"He's only twenty seven!" Sakura replied.

"Wow Sakura-chan, you defend the age but not the pervert thing?"

"I already know you're a pervert." She replied with a 'hmph'.

"We don't want to know what goes on in your books!" Ino yelled at one part of the _extremely _raunchy lecture. (Spout some ideas. They probably happened.)

Everyone was left in various states of shock or disgust when he was finished (except Naruto, who already knew it, and Gaara because he didn't care) and Sakura had gone into a zombiefied state after being used as an example.

Repeatedly.

"Well, good night." Kakashi said as he grinned and went to pick Sakura up.

Ino kicked him in the shin and dragged Sakura to her room.

"You're staying with me Sakura!"

Shikamaru, hearing this asked,

"Where am I supposed to sleep then?"

"I dunno, somewhere else!"  
"Feh. How troublesome." He grumbled.

After Ino and Sakura had changed into their night clothes, Ino huffed.

"I can't believe him! Twice your age and hitting on you! Aren't you the least bit mad?"

Sakura put a fingertip to her own lips and whispered,

"He stole my first kiss…"

"That perverted, old…"

"He's kind of handsome…"

"Eh?" Ino gave her a strange look.

"I think forbidden relationships are cool and all if the guy is only a few years ahead but Sakura, fourteen year difference!"

Weren't your parents nine years apart? I don't like him that way anyway…"

"…Of course you don't!"

The next morning, as Sakura sat at the table, Kakashi walked past Sakura and kissed her forehead. Ino, who sat across the table, protested this display of affection loudly. Kakashi, seeing this, picked up his young wife bridal style, pulled down enough mask so his lips were showing, and kissed her in the style of French. Something in Sakura's brain told her this was wrong… But…It felt good…

"SAKURA! FOURTEEN YEAR DIFFERENCE!" Ino reminded her and Sakura pushed him away.

"Kakashi-sensei…I wish you wouldn't do that to me…"

"Do what?" he asked innocently. She blushed crimson.

"You're my teacher, it's completely inappropriate."

"Actually, I don't think I'm your instructor anymore. Right Naruto?"

The boy who was sitting nearby shrugged as he took a bite of his cereal.

"It's not like you're going on missions anytime soon. Or ever."  
"…"  
"I see you have nothing to say Sakura-chan." Kakashi noted.

"It's hard not to think of you as my teacher and besides I love Sasuke!"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow mildly.

"You know he's a queer right?"

Everyone stared openly at the Uchiha emo.

"You seriously haven't seen the way he moons over Naruto?"

The Uchiha, who was at the time gazing at Naruto lovingly, looked up.

"What's going on?"

"He's worse than you and Ino combined." Kakashi added as the two girls gaped at him.

"You have to give him up." (BTW everyone can hear this conversation.)

Neji muttered something that Tenten giggle at, most likely at Sasuke's expense.

"I don't believe it." Sakura said.

"You should. I've seen him breaking into Naruto's apartment, stalking him, spying on him in the shower, stealing his clothes then wearing them in front of his full length mirror, the list is endless."

"How do you know I wear his clothes in front of my mirror?"

"And he just admitted it."

"Urm…" Sakura was at a loss for words.

"Is it true? Are you gay?" Ino demanded as she leaned over a plate of scrambled eggs to stare directly at Sasuke.

"Not exactly…"

"What do you mean 'not exactly' Uchiha? You won't get your title if you can't just be an asshole like usual." Hyuuga pointed out.

"I've only got feelings for Naruto, but no other guys…"  
He noticed that Naruto had said nothing through his somewhat confession.

"You… Aren't mad?"

"No. As long as you stop stealing my clothes I'm fine." Naruto said through a mouthful of corn flakes. (I like frosted flakes…)

"Oh…Um… You probably want this back then…" Sasuke said as he pulled out his latest steal.

There was a long silence before Naruto asked,

"Are those what I think they are?"

"Well…It depends on what you think they are…"

"…You shall die Uchiha!" Naruto yelled as he chased the raven haired nin to retrieve his boxers. (Good thing for the fangirls Naruto wasn't serious. If he was, he would've captured Sasuke in a couple of seconds and broken his arm.)

Yep.

Just an ordinary day in their new lives.

0o0

Yep.

Just an ordinary way in this new chapter.

Urr… I really want a Q&A chapter, so ask me anything from my cereal preference, to something that actually has to do with the story. 46 people have me on alert. WHY DON"T YOU REVIEW? DO IT! OR I SHALL PUNISH EVERYONE BY NOT UPDATING FOR A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me, I can wait.

Chi: She can do it. And she will. She waited for the midnight release of the 6th Harry Potter Book.

Tenshi: And yet I stopped caring after the forth one.

Chi: Everyone knows Harry's going to die in the seventh one.

Tenshi: She should have him live and surprise everyone.

Chi: But then a bunch of people would be bitching about 'what happened?' afterward. Jonathan Stroud knew what he was doing when he ended the Bartimaeus Trilogy! Unlike Ms. Rowling…

Tenshi: So you don't have to listen to two girls argue about books, we're ending the chapter.

Chi: Ja ne.


	16. A Beautiful Affair

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey people. I felt obligated to update soon because people keep thinking the story is over. I shall clarify.

IT'S NOT OVER! JUST THE FIRST ARC IS!

I wouldn't keep talking about a Q&A chapter if it was over.

And what about the BABIES?

Don't you care about them?

You won't see the end of this for a while.

0o0

Ch.16

0o0

The next day, when Sakura awoke, she saw Kakashi lying asleep beside her.

'…_What the hell?'_ She thought as she looked at her unwanted husband.

"He even wears his mask in his sleep…" she muttered.

She grew aware of a weight on her waist that she found to be Kakashi's arm. She tried to free herself, but ended up being pulled closer so she stopped struggling and sighed. Sakura also noticed she was wearing a different set of pajamas than when she'd gone to bed. Previously, it had been a two piece (pink of course…) with long sleeves, but now it was a silky (also pink…) nightgown that stopped about five inches above her knees.

A horrid thought consumed her.

'…_He changed my clothes while I was asleep!'_ She blushed at the still sleeping jonin and frowned.

"Wake up hentai!" she yelled.

"Nnn…Five more minutes Airi…"

"WAKE UP!" She yelled louder, hitting him in the head with her fist.

"Itai… Oh. Ohayo Sakura…" Kakashi yawned and stretched as he sat up.

"Who's Airi?"

"Eh? My ex-girlfriend."

'…_Baka.'_ She thought as she sighed again.

"Well, don't you look cute this morning?"

"Kakashi-san, you can't go around changing people's…" She replayed what he just said to her.

Kakashi smirked as his compliment set in.

"Did you say I'm cute?"

"Of course. You haven't made fully blossomed, but you still are cute."

"…Sensei…" she blushed deeper.

There was a pounding at the door before the lock popped and Ino opened the door, evil glint in her eye.

"Kakashi you hentai!" she shrieked as she took a flying leap, prepared to kill.

Kakashi blocked her easily and asked,

"Ino… What on Earth are you doing?"

"Saving my best friend!" she screeched as she attempted to claw his eyes out, but was held back.

"From what?"

"From being molested by you!"

"I'm not molesting anyone. Molesting kids is Orochimaru's thing."

"You lie!"

"It's the truth crazy woman."  
"Hentai! You're twice her age!"

"Psycho."

"Geezer!"

"Spaz."

"Sexual invert!"

"Dumb blonde." (And that, of course, made it personal.)

"Rori-kon!" (Lolita complex)

"I'm surprised you even know what that means."

Meanwhile, Sakura was trudging down the hall thinking _'…This is _so_ stupid.'_

"Wait Sakura!" Both teacher and friend yelled when they noticed her absence.

She ignored them and kept walking.

Somehow, Uchiha Itachi had wandered into our heroes' new abode wearing his signature tiger-striped thong and nothing else as he bumped into Sakura.

"Hello there!" he said in a sing-songy tone.

"Um…Aren't you Sasuke's brother?"

"Yes indeedy! Do you know where he is?"

"He's probably still in his room… It's five AM after all…"

"Great! Could you show me? I need to see him."

"Um…I guess…"

She led him down the rocky corridor and opened the door to the bachelor's pad, then blanched.

All the bachelors, with the exception of Lee and Kiba who seemed to have vanished, plus Shikamaru, were walking around naked for no apparent reason.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded as she covered her eyes the best she could.

"Increasing our manliness. I read about it in Cosmo." Sasuke explained as he smiled stupidly.

"That's a girl's magazine!"

"Not the one I'm thinking of."

"Well…Your brother is here to see you." She stepped aside and let Itachi inside the room. He smiled and said,

"Hey otouto."

"YOU!" Sasuke yelled as he jabbed his index finger at Itachi.

"What?"

"You vandalized my diary!"

"I just wanted to know more about you…" Itachi pouted, looking hurt.

"You stole my fucking diary you son of a bitch!"

"We have the same mom."

"…Oh." (I saw a comic like this…)

"You've been so distant since mom and dad died…"

"Because you killed them!"

"I know…I want to build our clan up again. So…" He pulls out a random shopping bag from his transdimensional thong and continued, "I got us these shirts!"

He opened the bag and retrieved a black shirt that said in red, 'Revive the Clan' with a downwards pointing arrow below it. (Also a comic I saw…)

"There's only one person I'd want to do anything like that with."

"Who?"

"Naruto. But he doesn't like me like I like him. I took a romance test…"

"Gasp! What did you get?"

"A forty-seven… It said I need professional help…" (Book reference…)

"Poor otouto! I could kidnap Naruto and tie him to a chair or something and let you rape him if that would make you feel better!"

"You can't."

"Why not?"

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably as he looked around and answered,

"He's a demon."

"How bad could that be?"

"The son of Kyuubi bad." Naruto replied. The blonde had previously snuck up moments before and heard the entire conversation.

"…That's kinda bad… Personally, I think I'll pick the girl who led me here. Not saying that the guys around here aren't cute." Itachi said, winking at the people in the room.

"Eh?"

"I can hardly say I've ever been greeted by a woman in such a daring ensemble outside the Akatsuki strip club."

"…Strip club?"

Sure he looked like Sasuke, but she just got here and didn't want to leave _again_ with some guy she barely knew.

"I'm sorry, but I can't… I'm married."

Sakura didn't want her desperation card played this early but it seems like it might work.

"So? You will be the proud mother of many Uchiha."

'_Damn. So much for desperation.'_

"Are you going to revive the clan?" Itachi asked as he pulled her close.

"Hey Itachi, you're upsetting my wife, so leave her alone okay?" Kakashi grinned at the shocked Uchiha's face. Itachi mumbled discontent as he left no closer to his new goal.

"You okay Sakura?"

But she'd already left.

"Sakura?"

As Itachi grumbled, he bumped into another person.

Hyuuga Hinata.

Quite possibly the worst person to run into on a bad day. Besides Gaara.

"Can you revive the clan with me?" he asked, looking close to tears. (Yes, these Uchiha certainly are an emotional bunch.)

"Er…Um…No."

"Why not? Onegai? With sugar and sprinkles and pie and crack on top?"

"I'm already pregnant?"

"By who? Kakashi?" he sniffed.

"No!" the sudden outburst shocked even herself as she added,

"By my husband."

Itachi, who seemed to have forgotten the five minutes prior to this conversation, laughed.

"You're too young to be married."

"No I'm not!" she replied indignantly.

"Oh. Okay. Who's the lucky guy?"

"Naruto."

"…Does everyone love him?"

"No."

"Is there anyone I can revive the clan with here?"

"Probably not."

"Oh…Okay…Bye-bye…" he said as he wandered off, waving sadly.

"Hey Hinata-chan." Naruto chirped as he kissed her cheek.

"Hello. The strangest thing just happened…"

In another room, Tenten and Neji were arguing again.

"Why'd I have to end up with you?" Neji asked, striking the first spark.

"Well it's not like I wanted to be stuck with you!" Tenten lied.

"I don't love you!"

"Then who do you love?" Tenten asked, dangerous glint in her eye.

"It's none of your business!"

"I'm your wife!"

"If you don't shut up I'll get a divorce, understand?"

"Well excuse me for trying to make this work!"

"I don't want it to work!" Neji yelled as he stormed out angrily.

'_Why can't I have you?'_ Tenten wondered as she took her anger out on a pillow.

Neji wandered off into the catacombs. He found Sakura leaning on one of the walls, appearing to be doing nothing in particular.

"Hello." He said.

She looked up from the ground and said, "Oh. Hi."

"Why are you here?" She glanced around the cave they sat in and shrugged.

"To escape from Kakashi for a little bit. And you?"

"I'm avoiding that loudmouth Tenten."

"The last few days have been crazy…" she sighed.

"I know." Neji said as he sat cross-legged beside her.

"Have you… Nah, forget it." He muttered.

"What? Have I ever what?"

"Ever loved someone you can't have?"

'_His eyes…Are so sad…'_

"Yes."

"The Uchiha bastard?"

Sakura nodded and asked, "You?"

"Do you promise not to tell?"

"Yes."

"But do you promise?"

"I promise."

Neji gripped her shoulders and stared straight into her eyes.

"Do you swear on your life?"

"Y-yes." Sakura replied, startled at the urgency in his eyes.

"Say it!"

"I- "

"I swear on my life. I'll never tell another soul as long as I live."

Neji, although still on edge, seemed to relax a little.

"Hinata-sama."

"Eh?"

'_What did he just say?'_

"Arranged marriage. I didn't want it but… I fell in love."

He smiled sadly at Sakura.

"She's got Naruto though. She loves him too much and he'd kill me if I touched a single hair on her head." He sighed and slumped back against the wall.

"Well, aren't we a pair? My girl's taken, your guy's gay."

Sakura rested her head on his shoulder and sighed as well.

"You tired?"  
"A little."

Sakura dozed off shortly after and Neji stroked her hair.

"We're birds of a feather you and I."

When she woke up several hours later, Sakura found that she was sitting on Neji's lap.

"Oh! Um…" she blushed as she tried to escape his grasp but he held her tighter.

"Tell me about yourself."

They exchanged little pieces of info about themselves for a while, Sakura growing more used to the Hyuuga and vise vesa.

"Sakura-san."

"Yes?"

"I like you. We've more in common than I thought."

She blushed before admitting, "I like you too."

"If only we weren't married to another… Maybe we'd fall in love and…" He let the sentence hang.

"But I'm not really married to Kakashi. And you're not really married to Tenten."

Neji looked up.

"…That's right. We don't have rings or anything!"

"Naruto just said we have to live with them!"

"We're not married!" Neji whispered excitedly.

With a confident look, he said,

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship."

0o0

Ja for now minna!


	17. Aphrodisiacs, Pot, and Liquor Don't Mix

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Imagine my surprise when I found nineteen new messages! (one junk mail, a review reply, and a PM) I have new readers! YAY!

Also, serindipity, did you enjoy your message of love from Itachi?

Disclaimer: I don't think I've done this in a couple of chapters… But, I don't own Naruto. There would be more HDH moments if I did.

0o0

Ch.17 Aphrodisiacs, Pot, and Liquor Don't Mix Well

0o0

Somewhere not far off from where the affair started, Kiba was still mourning the loss of Hinata.

"Kiba-kun?" he heard a soft voice call.

'_Well speak of the devil!'_ He thought as he looked up from Akamaru.

"Hey Hinata-chan!"

"What're you doing?" Hinata asked as she stepped closer slowly.

"Ah, nothing much."

'_She's so pretty…'_ Kiba sighed as he went slightly misty-eyed.

"I've been looking for you." She said as she nervously swayed a white canvas bag that he'd previously not noticed.

'_Tell me you dumped Naruto!'_

'_Kiba, I will let you believe that but you need to move on eventually.'_ Akamaru barked, giving a response to the unspoken affinity.

"Why?" he asked.

"You haven't been yourself lately… I brought some herbs that'll make you feel better…" She handed him the bag and looked away. Kiba saw that it was full of unmarked tins, one of which he opened and then sniffed and tasted.

"What's this one?" Kiba asked as he showed her the contents.

'…_I don't know why but…She seems different than usual…I…Want her…'_ He started to drift off into a fantasy, which mostly consisted of Hinata whimpering for him, naked.

"Oh no! This is not supposed to be in there!" Hinata gasped once she realized what it was.

'_This was supposed to be for Naruto!'_ she sighed somewhat depressed, remembering that she couldn't have sex until the baby (or babies) were born.

Kiba gave a devilish smile as he stepped closer, unzipping his jacket slowly, then asking,

"Why not?"

"It's an aphrodisiac." She explained, wary of the look in his eyes.

"What's that?" he now stood directly in front of her.

Hinata blushed as Kiba wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close until she could feel the bulge in his pants, his breathing heavy in her ear. She shivered as he nibbled her neck.

"It's…" She started, before pushing him away with the hand that didn't hold the tin and running swiftly down a passage.

Kiba followed after on all fours, leaving a tired Akamaru behind to wonder why his owner had gone bizarre on him. Hinata evaded Kiba the best she could, but he caught her as she entered the dining room (cave), the force sending the tin flying out of her hand and it crashed on the table, sending up a plume of lavender colored herbs and powder.

The other ninja sneezed a few times as the powder settled. (That's right. It was lunchtime and everyone except Lee, who's still missing, was at the table.

All hell's about to break loose.)

Hinata paled visibly as they all looked around, trying to ignore the fact that Kiba was dry humping her ass as the last leaves fell. Sasuke made the first move by leaping over the table and kissing Naruto, who threw him off.

Tenten tried to kiss Neji, but he and Kakashi were fighting over Sakura. Shino was licking a giggling Ino's neck before Shikamaru beat him off and took his place. Choji continued to eat, wondering why his mashed potatoes suddenly tasted different. Gaara, seeming to be the only one besides Naruto not affected, sat back calmly. Then, Dancingdragonlady, Orihime Ai, and Thrash (friends from school) showed up and glomped the aforementioned sand nin, who sat still emotionless.

"What the heck are you guys doing?" the authoress demanded as she booted them out of her fanfiction then went to search for Lee.

The search was short.

The authoress found out where Lee was.

"Um…Why are you in a closet?"

"I was told that staying in a dark place for a very long time with no food or water was good for my youthfulness!"

"…Who told you that?"

"…I can't remember, but it was a master of youthfulness!"

"…I think it'd be okay to say that I think one of my reviewers had something to do with this…" she then shuts the door, not really caring what happens to the student of the Blue Beast of Konoha.

(Who locked Lee in the closet? Was it you? Or You? Or maybe it was you:jabs finger at you through the computer screen:)

Kiba struggled to take off his shirt and keep Hinata pinned to the ground as after his discarded his jacket.

"Paws off my wife mutt!" Naruto yelled as he delivered a fantastic crescent kick to the other boy's jaw before picking Hinata up from the stone floor.

Everyone froze for a bit as they processed the statement.

"Did you say…Wife?" Kiba asked.

"Yeah." Naruto said as he and Hinata showed their wedding rings.

"Hey, you're wearing two!" Kiba said as he looked closer.

Gaara raised his own hand soundlessly, revealing his ring, extending the silence.

"You _married_ Sabaku no Gaara?" Sakura asked as she stared at the redhead.

"Yes. Yes I did."

Kiba stood up and went back to his room to cry some more as the others resume their aphrodisiac induced frenzy.

"…Anything you can do to stop them?" Naruto asked as he set Hinata down.

"Possibly."

"Feel free to try anything. We're not getting blamed if they get to whelp state."

Hinata drew a tin from her pocket and held it out to Naruto after opening it.

"Could you put a very, very small fire in here?"

He stared at the white powder. "What is it?"

"Acapulco Gold." (That shit is the most potent pot in the world. Allegedly.)

"Is it rare?"

"In this region, yes. Why does it matter?"

"Because I've got about three crates of that in my junk room." He lit the weed and placed it on the table, then walked back to Hinata, Gaara following.

Twenty minutes later, everyone was as high as a kite. Poor Choji seemed to be having convulsions as Tenten danced to music no one else heard. And just because I can, two kegs of sake fell from the ceiling and the high ninjas were compelled to guzzle it until they were drunk. It wasn't long before they achieved the HDH state.

(HDH stands for 'High, Drunk, and Horny' in case you were wondering.)

Ino danced on the table with a random lampshade on her head, Shikamaru had begun to make out with Shino, Tenten and Sakura went streaking, and Kakashi and Neji were singing some strange song which just might've been the Chobits opening… Choji appeared to be foaming from the mouth.

"Naru-pyon! I luffs yoush!" Sasuke squeaked with happiness as he glomped the blonde.

"Get your hands off of me."

"Nope!"

"Now."

"Nya! No sirree Bob!"

"Remove yourself from me."

"No no no!" Sasuke piped before kissing him.

"Get off of me!" Naruto roared as he threw the Uchiha across the room in a high semicircle.

All of a sudden, there was the twinkle of a star as Itachi appeared out of nowhere yelling,

"I'LL SAVE YOU SASUKE!"

He missed his brother by five-tenths of an inch and they both crashed face-first into the stone ground.

"Why are you still here?" Naruto demanded of the elder Uchiha.

"I dunno…"

"Get out."

"But I…"

"Get out now."

"…MEANIE! YOU BIG STUPID FOX MAN!" Itachi pouted as he ran far away, out the cave into the sunlight, crying loudly.

As Tenten and Sakura returned from their round, Naruto sighed.

"I could watch this all day."

And so he did.

0o0

Eh, the chapter's a little shorter than usual, but still, it's close to my length standard.

The first person who admits to locking Lee in the closet gets to be the person who did it.

And…

I might just send you a message of love from your favorite Naruto character if you're nice and give me a hint… Ja for now minna!


	18. Pregnancy Hell

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hello peoples. How are you?

Urf. I've got a few other stories. Wanna pick which one I'll put up first? Here's the descriptions. They suck, I know.

Hotel: In Konoha's snazziest hotel, Sakura's a pothead, Naruto is a male prostitute, and Sasuke pines for our blonde protagonist. Throw in some yaoi and some unexpected guests, and we're all set.

Nibai Akuma Kokoro: Let's see…Is this a story where all the guys (Except Naruto, of course) of Konoha (and a certain red head…) turn into girls and just can't keep their hands off of Naruto? Plus cross-dressing, a battle to win Naruto's heart, and Gaara in high-heels? That's right. Naruharem? Hell yeah.

Kousen Keito: After Naruto's battle with Gaara, the red head kidnaps Naruto and forces him to live with him. Could this be a blossoming love? NaruGaa

Uzumaki Junkie: Parody of Nosatsu Junkie. Gaara is a blossoming young model, but he's got a _little_ problem. He's got the face of a murderer. Enter Runa, a femme rival (?) from her agency, and things begin to look up for Gaara when he discovers Runa's secret…

(Take the time to rearrange the letters in Runa, and you'll figure things out rather quickly.)

Disclaimer: Damn DP. I don't own Naruto. Orochimaru's a child molester.

0o0

Ch.18 Pregnancy Hell

0o0

Naruto crouched inside his closet, heart pounding in fear. Why did Hinata go crazy like that?

'_I thought I confiscated all her guns…'_ He thought as he remembered the cold muzzle digging into his neck as he had brushed his teeth.

"Naruto." A voice called.

"Don't kill me Hinata!" Naruto wailed as he felt a hand on his hair.

"Hinata? Do I look like Hinata to you?"

"Oh. Gaara-kun. It's you. What do you want?"

"I'm hungry." Gaara mumbled as his stomach growled loudly.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Rice and miso and pickles."

"Um…Okay…" Naruto blinked in shock.

After they'd taken the stroll to the kitchen and Naruto's imps had prepared the odd dish, Gaara tasted it.

"It's too hot!" he screeched as he threw the bowl at Naruto, who ducked, leaving the bowl to shatter into tiny shards against the wall.

"I want ice cream!"

"Make up your mind Gaara-kun!" Naruto yelled back.

Tears started to well up in Gaara's eyes, severely confusing the blonde boy.

"W-wait, are you crying?" Naruto asked as he cautiously approached Gaara.

"How come you never listen to what I want? You're always worried about yourself and Hinata, but not me!" the redhead sobbed.

"Oh. No I don't."  
"Stop denying it! You do!"

"I don't. Gaara-kun, I care about you too. A lot. You're one of the most important people in my life." Naruto said as he encased him in a hug.

"Really?"  
"Yes. Aishiteru."

"Aishiteru too…" Gaara whispered into Naruto's neck.

(Right now, the NaruGaa fangirls are all like aww… Everyone else can just shut up about my pairing choices. Namely Orihime Ai-chan, who I am angry at now…)

Meanwhile, Lee was still locked in the closet.

"Naruto!" Hinata screamed, firing her pistol wildly.

"Help me Gaara!" Naruto wailed as he hid behind the sand nin.

Gaara formed a sphere of sand around them as Hinata said things that would make outlaw bikers cry and attempted to shoot through the sand.

Meanwhile, Artemis85 admitted to locking Lee in the closet, then raping him.

"Gasp." Gasped the authoress, who went back to writing the story like she's supposed to.

'_Onegai kami…If all pregnant people are like this, then I hope I have a lot of kids this time so it never happens again...'_ Naruto prayed silently after dodging Hinata's assault, calming her down, then being forced into a snuggle session by both of his overemotional mates as they laid in their bed.

He very much wished to be somewhere else, sensing another fight breaking out.

"Stop hogging him." Hinata commanded Gaara, who replied,

"No. He's mine."

"You act like you bought him."

"I _own_ his cute little ass."

"Hinata-chan! Stop picking fights!" Naruto said sharply, causing Gaara to smirk.

"Gaara-kun, stop provoking her!" He added, giving Hinata leering rights.

"Why are you taking his side?" Hinata asked as Gaara said,  
"Why are you taking her side?"

'_What did I do to deserve this?'_ Naruto wondered as they began to tear up again.

'_**Damn brat, stop crying! You are a murderer! Not some poor housewife who can't remember whether she packed her aruji lunch!'**_

'_Shut up…(sniff) Baka tanuki!'_

'_**You know what? I hate you right now. Your dumb ass got pregnant, won't have tanuki children, you're crying over the kitsune because he yelled at you, and you're just being a bitch!'**_

'_Uwahhhhhhhhh…Don't hate me…I'm so alone!'_ Gaara cried, hiccoughs breaking his steady sobs.

"Naruto, which one of us do you prefer?" Hinata asked, wiping her eyes.

"Don't make me play favorites…"

"No! We need to know this!"

"Aghhh…I already know you're going to win, Hinata because he hates meeeeeeee! Everyone hates Gaara!" Gaara began to wail even louder.

"I just told you that I don't hate you Gaara!"

"You were lyinggggggg…." The redhead howled.

"I like you both the same!" Naruto yelled, unable to take much more of the pressure.

That, of course, was the second worst possible thing he could've said then, the first being 'I hate both of you, loathe your guts, and never want to see your ugly faces again.'

"What was that?" An evil glint appeared in Hinata's eye, making Naruto regret his words.

"Um…I…"

"Are you saying there's nothing about me that's better than her?" Gaara asked, same wicked spark flashing in his dark-rimmed eyes.

"No…It's just…"

"So you don't prefer breasts?" Hinata asked, slowly removing her shirt to reveal her own.

"Um…That's not what I said…"

"You don't like making me climax?" Gaara inquired as he straddled Naruto.

"Okay, you're starting to cross the limit there…"

"You don't prefer either one of us in delivering you pleasure?" Both mates asked this in unison, being on the same mindset at the time.

As Naruto was pinned to the bed, Gaara pointed out what Shukaku had previously.

"You can't do anything to us, but that doesn't mean we can't do things to you."

Gaara licked his lips.

"And you can't stop us."

"Get the hell away from me! You're scaring me!" Naruto yelled as his squirmed.

Naruto muttered a spell and disappeared from beneath Gaara and Hinata, reappearing at the door, which he ran out of, dashing down the hallway.

"Legs don't fail me now!"

I0I0I

Sakura heard her beloved's footsteps and smiled. It'd been three weeks since she started her affair with Neji and she became anxious for their daily meetings in a cavern with a still pool.

They'd developed a special look between them, similar to the one Naruto gave to Hinata and Gaara.

Speaking of which…

"Someone save me!" the blonde screamed as he ran down a nearby hall, with one topless Hinata and a highly aroused Gaara following after him.

'_Baka baka.'_

They saved the _look_ for private places such as this one. Tenten and Kakashi had never seen that look. Nor anyone else, for that matter. Except Naruto. He'd walked in on their first kiss one day.

Still, what he'd said then she pondered frequently.

'_I'll keep your secret, but they'll need to know sometime. You'll be hurt so much more if you don't.'_

"Hello Sakura." Neji said smoothly as he entered the cavern.

"Neji." She said in a business-like tone.

"So…" He pressed his lips to hers. "What shall we do today?"

"Shikamaru, you lazy bum!" Ino yelled at her lounging hubby, who was currently slouched on a cream colored couch in their (Ino and Sakura-Used to be Shikamaru and Ino's) room.

"What?"

"It's all your fault!"

"What is?"

"Sasuke-kun went gay because you made me unavailable!"

"I can assure you, he was gay long before we all came here."

"Stop lying!" she screeched as he covered his ears.

'_How troublesome.'_

She pulled his hands away and commanded, "Listen to me, you lousy cloud-watcher!"

He started to sit up, but she shoved him back down and sat on his chest

"Listen to me!" she repeated.

In a quick motion, the situation was reversed, Ino on her back, Shikamaru sitting calmly atop.

"Let me up!"

As a response, he kissed her.

"Be quiet, troublesome woman." He said as he got up and walked to the door.

"And by the way, Temari's a _much_ better kisser than you are." He left on that not-so-shocking note.

"Ah…Ah…AHHHH!" Ino screamed as she touched her lips with trembling fingertips.

'_How dare he steal my first kiss?'_

I0I0I

Sasuke felt more depressed than his usual emo standards as he wrote the day's diary entry. (YES! IT'S THE RETURN OF SASUKE'S DIARY!!!)

'_Dear Diary,_

_That fucking bitch Hinata was fucking draped all over _my_ Naruto! I'm gonna kill that ho bag! _ (Random drawings of Hinata being stabbed with many knifes)_ Of course, damn fucking bastard asshole Gaara was too, but I'm not going to mess with that d.f.b.a psycho even if he is pregnant. How is that even possible? Can I get Naruto pregnant? Gasp! We could have BABIES together! _(various drawings of Sasuke spooning Naruto and babies that looked like a combo of them) _So…Damn…Hot…(Drools) Yes…I shall…_

_Where was I?_

_Oh yeah. The ho bag. Yeah. I'm gonna kill her. Why doesn't Naruto like me? I'm kinda always by his side. …Mostly because of training, but still…What do they have that I don't? Hinata's shy and Gaara's a murderer._ (No one else has figured out Hinata is crazy. Not even Shikamaru. And he's the smart one.)_ What does my aibou want with them?_

…_It's only been five minutes since I saw him last, at dinner, and I already miss him. I even miss him setting me on fire because those flames…Those really fucking hot, fourth-degree burn inducing, hair singeing flames were a part of him. When was the last time he did that? …Oh yeah! Last week, when I gave him his birthday present!_

_(Zomg. A flashback! We haven't had one of those since…I can't remember, like chapter two I think?)_

_Flashback…_

_Sasuke crept as stealthily as a ninja, which he is, down the dark hall to Naruto's room. He'd been monitoring the activities of the room, and right about now, Gaara and Hinata were puking their brains out in the bathroom, leaving Naruto alone. He skulked into the room, watching Naruto's bare, tan chest rise and fall in an easy pattern. Sasuke quickly scanned the room, disregarding the vomiting chorus in the closed bathroom. He was on pins and needles, because he, Uchiha Sasuke, was in Naruto's room in his birthday suit at three AM, just praying that his plan would work._

_Sasuke straddled Naruto, waking him up._

"_Wha? Sasuke?"_

"_Happy Birthday Naruto. Do whatever you want." Sasuke nipped playfully at Naruto's collarbone._

_Naruto was surprised, then a devious look grew on his face._

"_Get up." Sasuke got off the bed, and was surprised as Naruto walked towards him till he was against the wall closest to the door._

"_Now bend over and close your eyes…"_

_Sasuke complied, excited at what may happen next._

"_AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? GET THE FUCK OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!" Naruto screamed, grabbing Sasuke by the neck and his left leg then hurling him violently out the door, not caring when the emo's head (the one attached to his neck. Perverts.) clipped the doorframe. Perhaps some of his mates' psychosis had rubbed off on him. Who knows?_

_End Flashback…_

(Back to Sasuke's Diary)

_Ah yes. It felt so good being that close to him. I want to feel that again. I need a plan.'_

0o0

Ah yes. Another Sasuke plot. We haven't had any of those in much detail, have we? Well, next chapter is the first.

Hey, there's like a giant gap between the six months Gaara and Hinata are pregnant because when I originally wrote it I couldn't think of anything for day to day stuff. So, some suggestions would be nice…I'll take almost anything.


	19. Sasuke's Devilish Plan

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey peoples. Here's how the vote goes so far,

Hotel: 0

Nibai Akuma Kokoro: 1

Kousen Keito: 0

Uzumaki Junkie: 0

0o0

Ch.19 Sasuke's Devilish Plan

0o0

The plan Sasuke had devised went into action eight days later. He snuck out of the cave, mindful of the enchanted toe ring Naruto had forced everyone to wear in case they tried to escape. Each ring contained a demon that would be released and gladly devour them if they went past their limit of five hundred yards. Sasuke set up and waited.

Naruto, approximately three hours later, was on his daily walk. He heard a whimper and tiptoed towards the sound, then remembered that this was _his_ property and didn't need to creep about like a lizard. A girl with hair the color of raven feathers lay in the middle of a tree encircled copse.

She whimpered pathetically.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her, unnerved, possibly even oblivious, to the fact that she was naked.

"I'm looking for a big, strong man." Sasuke gave a slight giggle in his female form, praying to every god he could think of that the plan would succeed.

"Oh, really?" Naruto raised a skeptical eyebrow to the response.

"Yes. You see…" Sasuke looked up at Naruto with an alluring glance. "I'm not well acquainted with this place."

"I see." Naruto grunted, unimpressed.

"You're pretty good-looking." She purred, shifting her arms so they pushed her breasts up.

"I'm married." Naruto showed Sasuke his left hand.

"But- "

"Married." He emphasized the word.

"You're so young though. It won't last."

'_I SHALL PERSERVERE!' _Sasuke yelled in his mind.

"You're right."

"Eh?" Sasuke wasn't expecting that.

"It won't last because I'm a demon. We live for thousands of years. At most, humans live to be a hundred. They're going to get old and die while I live on! I love them with my entire being and I can't keep them from dying!" A faint glimmer of tears appeared in his sapphire eyes as he shouted out his sorrowful premonition.

"Do you get it now Sasuke?" he asked coldly.

Sasuke transformed back to his usual fully clothed self, stood up swiftly, and began to yell angrily.

"_You're_ the one who doesn't get it, dobe! Besides, how'd you know it was me? Demon nose?" He didn't let Naruto answer, just continued.

"_I_ love _you_ with _my_ entire being! Aishiteru, you hear me?" And he grabbed Naruto's neck and crashed his lips against the blonde's in a chaste, yet passionate matter.

'_Kami, he's so warm...'_ Sasuke groaned in thought as he attempted to let his tongue gain entrance to Naruto's mouth.

'_What's your nose picking up now? Smell that? Those are my pheromones, baka! I want you!'_

Naruto shoved him away roughly.

"Every single time I see you, I want to bury my face in that damnably golden hair of yours and breathe in your exotic scent! I want to taste your delectable flesh, gnawing and sampling till you can't stand it! I'll hug you till I drug you and when your defenses are gone, I'll take you! You'll be my uke…My koibito…"

(Double book reference. Many props and a chapter dedicated to you if you can figure one or both out. Especially the 'hug you till I drug you' part (originally 'hug me till you drug me' but I changed it a bit.) It's from a really old book.)

"As if! Even if I did like you like that, I wouldn't be the uke! Respect your seme, baka baka!"

"Tch! If you were completely straight, you'd still be the uke!"

"Teme!"

"Dobe!"

"Aho!"

"Pissed off much, Naru-chan?"

Naruto ground his teeth together. "_Salope!_" (Whore.)

Sasuke blinked, taken aback. Who knew Naruto knew French?

He smirked as he fired back. "Megitsune." (vixen, female fox)

"Feh!" Naruto sniffed. "Why do I bother arguing with you anyway?" He answered his own question by muttering, "Wakaranai."

Sasuke beckoned Naruto like one who was attempting to get an animal to come closer.

"Here koi, koi, koi…"

"I'm not your koi! Only Hinata's and Gaara's!"

"Why? Because they _let_ you be seme?"

"No!"

"What's your favorite position?"

"I'm not telling you!"  
"Really? Even though I'd let you be seme once in a while and let you do it?" Sasuke queried, striking a campy pose.

"Never."

Sasuke took advantage of Naruto's flustered state and pushed him to the forest floor, straddling him.

"Koibito… I want you…I want you so much it _hurts…_" Sasuke moaned as he took Naruto's hand and rested it on the bulge in his pants. Sasuke was so thrilled he nearly came on himself, in sheer joy he was being touched this way.

"Feel that, koibito? That aching throb? Only you can cure it."

"Don't wanna!"

"Let me inside of you…" Sasuke whispered as he rubbed his crotch against Naruto's digits.

Naruto smiled slyly, stricken with an idea. He channeled chakra into his fingers, causing them to emit a faint red glow. Sasuke gasped at the buzzing electric tingle he now felt, body begging for more.

"Onegai…Naruto…" he pleaded breathlessly.

Naruto smirked as he channeled more, elicting little pleasured whimpers and mewls from the Uchiha.

"No…Naruto… Stop… You're gonna make me…Ungh…" Sasuke moaned again as he felt the chakra grow stronger.

"**_Um…Bocchan?"_** A demon who looked like a giant lizard asked. Naruto replied softly.

"**_Yes Ochiai?"_**

"**_Is this something I should know about?"_**

"**_Nah. This guy's totally in love with me so I'm screwing with his mind."_**

"**_Sounds…Fun…"_**

"_**See you later."**_

"**_Um…Okay…"_**

Naruto rubbed his palm against the fabric, causing delightful friction that made Sasuke moan again. The fox boy guided even more chakra to his fingers, knowing it wouldn't be much longer. This was one of his favorite teasing techniques, so he knew just the right times and when to do them.

"N-naruto! I-I-Ah!" Sasuke sucked in a deep breath of air as he came.

"Chikushoume! You made me cum on myself!" he yelled, annoyed that it hadn't been in the blonde's ass, or better yet, mouth.

"Excuse me…"

Sasuke froze at the familiar pair of voices.

"But that's our husband you're sitting on." Gaara and Hinata continued, making Sasuke scowl.

"He's mine now! Back off!"

"Uchiha, if you don't get off my husband right now, I will rip out and eat your still-beating heart." Hinata growled with bloodlust to match Gaara's.

"Can I have the aorta?" Naruto asked from beneath the dead man sitting, who nearly shat himself at the prospect of ending up as a buffet table.

"YOU WIN THIS ROUND! BUT I'LL BE BACK!" Sasuke howled as he ran back to the cave to go cry under his bed.

"Hey you…" Naruto began, but faltered when he saw the deranged looks on Hinata and Gaara's faces.

"You wouldn't happen to been cheating on me, would you?" Hinata asked in a deadly calm.

"Or me?"

"NO! I SWEAR ON MY TAILS I WASN'T!"

"Good." Gaara grunted as he set Naruto on his feet. "Now go fix me a potpie. And some nachos." He commanded afterward.

Pre-pregnancy Naruto would've complained, but Naruto-now ran to the kitchen and ordered the potpie and nachos, and just to be safe, some fries.

"By the way Gaara, thanks for the evil lessons. They were fun and they help a lot!" Hinata said with a small bow.

"It was nothing. You have natural-born evil within you."

'_And natural-born craziness…'_

'_**Damn crazy chick.'**_

0o0

Hey peoples. How are you?

Not much to say right now… Except I need some filler crap 'cause I don't want like a time-skip to the births… So, throw some ideas or else no update.

BTW Naruto does _not_ like Sas-gay, he does however, like teasing him because Sasuke never learns that Naruto won't like him back.


	20. First Filling

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey peoples.

Nibai Akuma Kokoro is up if you want to read it.

App. 150 days till the births. (Yes, this is my little timer.) Although I may skip ahead…

0o0

Ch.20 First Filling

0o0

In one of the many strange occurrences that make up this story, Lee found eight bottles of sake in the closet he was trapped within, and down them all in thrice as mine seconds, fueling him for the requested drunken rage.

"YOUTH!" he howled as he burst from the closet, alcohol coursing through his veins.

"Did you hear something?" Kakashi asked the group as they ate a healthy breakfast of reviewer cookies.

Kiba did, of course, but failed to respond due to the fact he was still drooling after seeing 'Hinata gone wild' the preceding week, and thus remained in a fantasy state. (Refer to ch.18…)

"I can't hear anything except them." Neji scoffed as he gestured towards Naruto, who was kissing Gaara's slightly protruding belly, singing a song whose lyrics went somewhat like as follows;

'Yay babies! Yay babies! If you're a girl, you'll be totally sexy, 'kay? And if you're a boy, then you'll be irresistible to everyone including guys, but not your sisters 'cause that's incest and incest is gross! Yay babies!' When Naruto mentioned the incest part he glared at Neji briefly.

"Ugh, would you stop doing that? You're going to make me hurl." Sasuke complained as he stared at his plate of cookies.

"You're just jealous because it's not you." Naruto smirked, hitting the bulls eye of the matter.

Sasuke was still sore about his foiled plot the previous day.

"…" Sasuke merely bit a cookie then got up to leave.

"YOUTH!" Lee screamed as he barreled into the emo, who soared through the air and crashed into a stalactite, falling to the ground in a crumpled heap.

Naruto giggled at the fallen Uchiha as his imp chefs attempted to take down Lee with soup ladles and butcher knives. Lee knocked them all away with his drunken fists of fury and punched a hole in one of the cave walls as he stumbled about.

"Hey! Don't break my house!" Naruto yelled, standing up abruptly.

Lee laughed loudly, hugging a stalagmite.

"Gai-sensei!" he blubbered, tears streaming down his face.

Of course, there was no reply, because do you honestly think the authoress is stupid enough to have a talking rock? (Tenbi: Yes. Tenshi: Shut up!) She is, however, stupid enough to have a thinking rock.

'_I don't know who Gai-sensei is, but I feel loved…'_ and the rock began to weep.

Some of the more sympathetic people reading this hugged the stalagmite, but the more demonic group contemplated blowing the hunk of rock into bits.

As the emotional moment between the stalagmite and Lee went on, Gaara handed Naruto a scroll.

"I wrote my siblings a letter as you requested."

"Okay. I'll deliver it later." Naruto nodded as he kissed Gaara's stomach one last time.

The click of a gun's hammer reminded him that he needed to kiss Hinata as well.

"Can we send letters?" Tenten asked.

"Fine by me."

And sure enough, everyone started writing.

'_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I got kidnapped by a demon and ended up getting married even though I didn't want to. You know that loud girl Ino? She's my new wife. Ugh. Writing is so troublesome._

_Shikamaru_

'_Hi Mom and Dad,_

_A demon took us to live in this big cave system. The food here is good. I attached a pack of dumplings for you._

_With all my love and chips,_

_Choji_

'_Hey Mom,_

_Guess what? I fell in love and got married. Just not to the same guy…Remember my instructor Kakashi? I had to get kinda married to him, even though there's a huge age difference. I'm cheating on him with Hyuuga Neji, but don't tell Dad that, he'll have a stroke. How are things over there? I hope I'll get to see you soon…_

_Love ya,_

_Sakura_

_Hey mom and dad!_

_It's yours truly! You wouldn't believe what's going on around here. Speaking of which, how are things in Konoha? But anyway, I got married to that lazy bum Shikamaru, but not because I wanted to, it was an informal arrangement. Um…Oh yeah! Hinata-chan is pregnant! That's right, she's gonna have a baby! She got married to that one guy, Kitsune Naruto, they did the nasty, and now she's pregnant! And-_

(Letter has been cut short due to taste and the fact that this is way too preppy for me)

_Dear Father and Mother,_

_I am sad to inform you that two of my favorite insects, Phyllis and Gertrude, have died. I made sure to give them a proper Christian burial.'_

(Shino, of course…)

Naruto stared at the letters in mixture of amazement and wonder. He was amazed at how quickly they had adapted to living in his lair and wondered how Sakura could brush off her affair with Neji so lightly. Never the less, he transformed into a fennec fox and carried the scrolls off.

(OMG! Sasuke's diary!)

'_Dear Diary,_

_We wrote some letters to our families today. I sent one to Itachi, but I don't think it'll reach him with all the traveling he does… The bitch had the balls to _glare_ at me, can you believe that? Damn that ho bag…My Naruto looked sexy as usual. Him and his tight little ass, mmm! I just wanna bend him over and-oomph! (pelvic thrust) I'll make sure we come at the same time. Ah... He can suck me any day…(drools)_

_Naruto-kun, you're so damn hot._

_I said I wouldn't do it anymore, but I stole some of his underwear. I look good in it. Hell, I make them look good. I bet Naruto makes them look good too.  
Oh yay! I remembered to put the camera in his bathroom and bedroom! Now I can watch him whenever I want! Good thing I'm roomed with such stupid people (except Shikamaru). They won't notice my mainframe. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!'_

Sasuke closed his diary and hid it in the place no one would think to look. Beneath his mattress. Because, no one _ever_ hides anything under their mattress. The day went by rather uneventfully, which was rather surprising.

Naruto came back, gift-laden as the sun began to set. He transformed back into human and stared at Lee, who had yet to stop hugging the rock formation.

"Uh…Hey Lee, Gai-sensei go you a present…" He tossed a box wrapped in green paper to the youthful boy, then began handing out gifts for everyone else from various family members.

More that one person received holy water.

"Hey Naruto, what happens when you're hit with holy water?" Shino asked, turning a clear glass vial around casually.

"Well, a lesser demon would be burned by it. I, like all greater demons and upper-class demons, are not affected. Nice try, but it just won't make the cut."

"Gaara!"

"Temari? I thought I left you in charge of Suna." Gaara was shocked by the arrival.

"I can't believe it! You're showing already!" she hugged him enthusiastically. "My otouto is going to be a daddy!"

To most everyone's surprise, Gaara hugged her back.

"Why are you here nee-chan?"

"Well I'm- "

"Waitaminute!" Ino screamed, causing all eyes to look her way.

"Gaara's pregnant? What the hell!"

"You guys didn't know?" Naruto asked, mildly surprised.

"No." All the leaf shinobi replied.

"It defies the laws of science…" Neji gaped.

"What the hell did you think I was singing about this morning?"

"…"

"Who needs science anyway?"

"Temari, why the hell are you hugging me?" Gaara growled as he pushed away his sister.

"Oooh. That explains Gaara-san's bipolar-ness." Tenten quipped.

"Guess what?" Temari squealed gleefully.

"What Temari?" Gaara sighed, annoyed.

She held up a small piece of plastic.

"Look!"

"What's this pink dot?"  
"It means I'm pregnant too!"

"What?" Everyone except Naruto, who could tell by her scent, gasped.

"And the father is right here in this cavern!"

Eyes darted about, scanning two possible suspects.  
Choji, who had a crush on the sand kunoichi, and Shikamaru, who the sand kunoichi had a crush on.

She ran to…

Shikamaru. (Of course.)

"Aishiteru Shikamaru! We're going to have a family together! Come on baby, let's get back to Suna!" she kissed him dead on the lips.

"Come on baby, tell us what happened." Kakashi grinned.

"This is so troublesome. I was on a mission near Suna, I saw Temari and started talking to her, and one thing led to another." Shikamaru explained.

"You fucked Gaara's sister! You fucked Gaara's sister!" Kiba chanted in singsong, smiling largely.

"That's right, and it was the best night of my life." Temari smiled as she wrapped her arms around Shikamaru's waist.

"You hear that mutt? I get more tail than you do."

"Hey Ino, are you going to do anything about this?" Sakura whispered.

The blonde girl gazed listlessly at the genius.

"Ino?"  
Ino strode, body rigid, to Shikamaru.

"Hm?"  
"…How could you do this to me?" she demanded slowly.

"Do what?" he asked in his lazy drawl.

"Doesn't any of the time we've spent together mean anything? Talking together? Walks?" Tears began to flow freely. "That k-kiss? Did it mean anything to you?"  
"Eh? Why are you crying?" Shikamaru asked, confused.

"Baka!" she raised her hand, prepared to slap him, then lowered it slowly.

"Go fuck your sand slut!" she yelled as she turned and walked away briskly.

"Shikamaru, you may be a genius, but that was pretty stupid." Kakashi noted as he watched with mild interest.

"Ugh, troublesome woman." Shikamaru muttered as he followed after her.

Naruto smirked as he saw the briefest glimpse of the future.

"Come on everyone, let's take a walk." He started off.

"But shouldn't we stay here to make sure things work out?" Sakura asked as she intercepted his path. He walked around her and said,

"Not unless you want to hear your best friend have sex."

People moved pretty quickly after that.

"Stop running troublesome woman!" Shikamaru commanded as he chased after Ino.

"Why? Go back to Temari you son of a bitch!" she yelled as she ducked into the kitchen.

"Hey." Shikamaru said as he grabbed control of her shadow. "It's nice when you're quiet. You're more attractive that way." Shikamaru spoke smoothly as he pushed her against a stainless steel countertop, after releasing his shadow grip.

Ino shivered at the cold metal touch.

"Why are you jealous of Temari? It's rather unbecoming. You're cute when you smile. You know, we could just pull a Naruto and all three of us get married. But really, marriage is troublesome… If the flute girl and that girl from the Sound catch wind of this, they'll try to make it four…Or five…"

"What flute girl?" (Does anyone remember her name? I plumb forgot.)

Shikamaru just smiled and kissed her deeply.

About three hours later, the shinobi dared to reenter the cave system. Lee, the only one who'd stayed, had passed out and Sasuke was starting to wake up. Sasuke had fainted after learning that there would be _even more_ Suna gaki running around.

"What happened?" Sasuke asked groggily.

"You fainted." Naruto said in his usual nonchalant manner.

"Oh." Sasuke mentally whipped himself for being so weak.

And then he mentally whipped Naruto, but not too hard.

Just enough to make him whimper.

"Sasuke-kun, are you stuck in one of your weird-ass fantasies again?"

"No." came the automatic response.

"Oh. Alright then. Are you okay? You looked like you hit your head pretty bad."

'_Chou kawaii! He's worried about me!'_

"I think I'll be fine."  
"Are you sure there's nothing you want me to do?" Naruto felt Sasuke's head for bumps.

"I can manage."

"Well…Okay…" Naruto gave him a wary glance, almost expecting the Uchiha to spontaneously combust.

"Good night then everyone." The blonde yawned as he wandered off to bed.

"I think I'll turn in as well." Hinata yawned and many followed suit.

Neji and Sakura exchanged 'the look' before traveling to their separate rooms.

"Um…" Sakura blinked as she saw Ino, naked atop Shikamaru in bed.

"Gomen Sakura-chan, maybe Tenten will let you sleepover. Also, ask Temari-chan if she wants in on this."

"I wish I could be." Temari, who appeared in the doorway suddenly, sighed.

"But you can." Shikamaru smiled as he beckoned her close.

"I'm outta here." And Sakura fled into Tenten and Neji's room.

"Hey Tenten, can I stay here tonight? Things are getting a little…"

There was a loud moan.

"Well, you get the idea."  
"Sure Sakura-chan." Tenten said, smiling and blissfully unaware of the goings on of Neji and Sakura.

Sakura smiled at Neji once Tenten's back was turned.

'_Let's see how far we can take it when she's sleeping.'_ Sakura thought, almost laughing.

0o0

AND FINALLY I UPDATED! Whoo! Um…Thanks to everyone, the old reviewers and the new, and all the people who checked out NAK. Every review and every hit counts.

WHOO! Twenty chapters! Hey, thanks for staying the path!


	21. Running Rampant

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey everyone. I was just looking at my comment file. (Yes, I have a comment file…)

SEVEN PAGES OF COMMENTS!

From both KNK and NAK, plus a couple of review replies.

171 MESSAGES TOTAL!

That's amazing to me. 171 messages dating back to January 9th!

App.148 days to delivery.

0o0

Ch.21 Running Rampant

0o0

The bell at the entrance cave tinkled sweetly. Hinata, accompanied by Gaara, went to see who it was.

"Are the two of you happy couple who owns this lovely home?" grinned one of the most annoying people on Earth. A persistent door to door salesman.  
Gaara and Hinata looked at each other in disgust.

"Ew. Hell no." they said in unison.

"May I ask who's the owner?"

"Kitsune no Kyuubi." Hinata said calmly.

The man blanched visibly. _'The demon of Konoha…'_

"May I speak with him?"  
"No. You can talk to us though."  
"And what are you to him?"

"He's our husband." Gaara spoke eloquently.

"Um…Okay, are you interested in some elegant furniture?" He pulled some of his wares off a cart which appeared magically.

"No." Both residents turned away.

"Wait! Onegai! I have dozens of deals!" He grabbed Hinata by the shoulder.

Mistake.

Hinata grabbed a chair he'd been trying to sell and threw it at him before pulling out her pistol, firing wildly. The salesman shrieked girlishly as he attempted to dodge bullets. Several people who'd been sleeping came to see what the ruckus was.

"Hinata-chan, why are you shooting people this early? You know everyone's got a hangover from the wild keg party last night." Naruto sighed, slightly annoyed his sleep had been disturbed.

_Flashback to last night, OMG!_

"_Kanpai!" Naruto toasted loudly. "To Shikamaru knocking up Temari!"_

"_Well that's a nice way to put it." Neji said as he looked into his empty cup._

"_Kanpai!" Everyone else cheered._

"_What the fuck? Dammit Lee! You drank all the liquor!"_

"_Stalagmite-sensei!"  
"…Good thing I have a backup."_

"_Shika-kun, when are you coming back to Suna?" Temari asked as she kissed her…Not husband…More than boyfriend…Ah, yes! Lover! Kissed her lover on the cheek._

"_I promise I'll come visit our child at least once a month. It's too troublesome to have to move AGAIN."_

"_Okay…" Temari looked a bit sad as she started to take the long walk home._

"_Kanpai!"  
"Dammit Lee! Not again!"_

"_Backup plan three."_

_End flashback…_

"Salesman." Hinata grunted as she reloaded with deadly intent.

"Another one? That's the third this week."  
"I know. There must be a caravan nearby."

Gaara yawned, bored with the display of violence. "Do you want to kill him or should I?"

"Hold him down so we can remove his valuables. Then I'll eat him." Naruto began changing into a fox. "Gotta keep up my reputation." He said with a toothy grin.

The poor man screamed through the entire ordeal.

Boodeleeeboodeleebooooop! (You know what I mean. That pinging thing when you get items in games.)

Items Gained: Five golden rings

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtledoves,

And a partridge in a pear tree. (And a furniture cart)

Hang on…Damn, that's a lot of birds.  
Naruto picked an arm from between his teeth and sent it hurtling away into the caravan.

Reputation +5

"Tenten, be a dear and go put up this sign. Near the road if you would." He unfurled one of his long tails and held out a sign that read 'Humans live in a nearby cave. Not demons who plan on eating you if you come anywhere near us. It's completely safe.'

"Is anyone stupid enough to fall for that?"

"Sure. Watch." He planted the sign directly outside of the cave.

"Hey Sasuke-chan, did Naruto leave?" Itachi asked as he strolled casually inside.

"It's amazing how stupid some humans are." Naruto remarked as he watched the brother's reunion.

"Itachi?"  
"Sasuke!"

Cue slow mo, sunset beach background, syrupy romantic music, and the sudden wardrobe change to swim trunks between Itachi and Sasuke.

"Itachi!"  
"Sasuke!"  
"Itachi!"

"Sasuke!"

"Itachi!"  
"Sasuke!"

"Itachi!"

"Sasu- "

"Just give him the damn hug already!" half the people reading yelled, annoyed the brother's were killing their time calling each other's names repeatedly.

Several yaoi fangirls swooned as Itachi clutched Sasuke's ass.

"Aw… Yaoi incest…" someone crooned.

"Itachiiiiiiiiiii!" A voice in the distance called, causing the weasel to blanch.

"Do you know that person nii-san?" Sasuke asked, seeming fine with where his bro was grabbing.

"She's a psycho from hell… Rin-chan…" he whispered. (Not to be confused with Ren-sensei. Serendipity, your request, and a certain other's has been granted.)

"Fangirls are terrifying creatures." Kakashi added as he walked in.

"Well, if she comes here, we're not helping you." Naruto sighed as he stretched, catlike.

"Are you going to change back to human?" Hinata asked as she put her pistol away.

"Nah. I have to digest him first. You can't eat a human and not expect to get a stomachache if you change back." He yawned before laying down, contemplating sleep.

Gaara crawled onto the massive paws and scratched beneath the fox's chin. The beast let out a delighted purr that reverberated through the cave. Hinata perched upon the crown of Naruto and scratched behind his ears, sending waves of pleasure through the fox, who thumped his tails appreciatively, the resulting force enough to rival an earthquake's.

'_**Ah…You're spoiling me…'**_

The shinobi waited for the danger to pass. Itachi and Sasuke however, were attempting to flee whoever the fangirl was.

"Itachiii!" the voice was barely heard over the thumping and purring.

"Hide under here!" Sasuke yelled, diving under his bed.

Itachi followed suit, squeezing close towards Sasuke.

"You'll be safe here nii-san." Sasuke whispered.

"Arigatou otouto." He inched closer yet to Sasuke.

"You know otouto…You've gotten pretty sexy."

"Eh?" Sasuke felt his brother's warm breath on his face.

"You make me want to…"

The distance between them was shrinking by the second, breaths mingling. The door of the room slammed open and a voice yelled,

"Back off! The weasel is mine!"

"Crap."

I0I0

(OMG! Kakashi's diary! Um, this is probably more disturbing than Sasuke's so watch out…)  
_Dear diary,_

_Sakura looked cute again today. Ino called me a Lolita. But anyway, back to Sakura. Oh, the things I'd do to her! I like it when she plays hard to get. I don't know how much longer I can control myself though… I might just have to rape her. (grins)  
Yes…I'll make sure everyone can hear her scream. I could try that technique in Icha Icha Paradise ch.3 It requires…A razor, some Vaseline, and a bucket. She'll be covered in my seed._ (See? It's disturbing.)

_Cosplay would be nice. I really think a bunny would suit her. Mmm…I'm getting hard just thinking about it. Well, I'm off to go try to seduce my little wife again!_

Naruto, along with the bachelors who he'd dropped by to visit, was almost amazed. They didn't think Kakashi's diary would've been _this_ bad.

"This is from today…This entry, that is." Shino remarked.

Sasuke had gone into an extremely graphic daydream about his _beloved Naruto._

"…Sasuke-kun, you're drooling." Naruto pointed out.

"Wha?"  
"You're drooling."  
"Sheesh, even Akamaru doesn't drool that much." Kiba taunted.

Neji, who'd stepped in to grab a quick peek at Kakashi's little gray book, muttered something that sounded like 'faggot' before leaving.

"What's a faggot?" Naruto asked the accused Uchiha.

"You should know." Neji scoffed as he walked away.

"…Who wants to explain?" Sasuke looked around.

Since there were no volunteers, he cleared his throat and began.

"Well, you see…A fag is a guy…Who likes other guys…"  
"Oh. Like you."

"…I only love you." Sasuke tried to give himself a more dignified standing in the situation.

"But I'm a guy."  
"…What time is it?"

"It's masturbation time!" Kiba cheered.

Everyone except Shino, who didn't seem to care, and Naruto, who didn't seem to know what that meant, began prepping themselves.

"What're you talking about?"  
All eyes locked on him in amazement.

"We've got a lot to talk about." Kiba patted Naruto's shoulder sympathetically.

After a lengthy explanation they began playing 'would you?'

"Kiba, would you ever do _it_ with a dog?" Shino asked.

"…"  
"You have to answer the question."  
"…Maybe…"

"Sicko." Sasuke sniggered as he scooted closer to Naruto.

"You're one to talk." Kiba jeered back.

"Dog fucker."  
"Cock sucker."

The two glared angrily, an inferno raging in the background.  
"Calm down now…" Naruto tried to suppress the climaxing tensity.

"Cock sucker, eh? You're not nearly man enough to kiss a guy, let alone do oral."  
"And you? You'd probably wet yourself if you did so much as _touch_ a dog." Kiba's eyes glinted a challenge that was accepted instantly.

They lunged to opposite sides of the room, Sasuke grabbing Akamaru, Kiba seizing Shino. Before anyone reacted, Kiba smashed his lips against those of the bug user whilst Sasuke tried to hold the squirming dog to kiss it. Naruto decided it was time to stop this.

"Hey, knock it off you two." He said sternly.

"Butt out!" They yelled as they glanced back at him, going rigid at the sight.

Naruto had changed his head into that of his fox form and gave them a look that said 'not on my time'. Sasuke dropped Akamaru and Kiba released Shino.

"That's better." Naruto was back to normal again.

He strode off down the stone corridor to wherever his feet took him. As Naruto meandered aimlessly, he noticed Itachi trussed up with a black haired girl with grey-green eyes sitting atop him, holding some sort of device. Hinata, Tenten with a tight grip on Neji, Gaara, and a grinning Kakashi who kissed Sakura, sat around her.

"Don't be afraid to zap him if he refuses to listen."

Sakura jabbed the cattle prod into Kakashi's stomach, electrocuting him mildly. He let go of her, hair smoking.

"Like that?"  
"Very good Sakura."  
_'I wonder if Kakashi-sensei is alright…'_

Later that day, Shikamaru noticed Naruto moping about.

"What're wrong with you?"

"It's Hinata's gun closet…"  
"Her what?"

"Gun closet. She keeps adding to it and I can't get rid of them. She counts every gun, every bullet, every single day. And now she has a cattle prod…" Naruto sighed as some other psychotic girl ran by screaming the words 'Wakka Lakka' while laughing maniacally.

"…Not even going to bother to ask what that was."

"Naru-chan…" Naruto almost dreaded the familiar voice.

"Yes Gaara-kun?"

"Get me some pizza."  
"Okay Gaara-kun."

"And Naru-chan?"

"Yes Gaara-kun?"

"Aishiteru."  
"Me too."

I0I0I0

"Neji…" Sakura whispered as their lips brushed together.

There was a gasp.

"Shit." They muttered at the same time.

"Lyke OMG! Neji is lyke frenching Sakura! This is going up on my MySpace! NejixSakura sucks, SakuSasu 4eva!"  
(I'm sorry. I couldn't miss a Mary Sue moment.)

"…" Neji stood quickly and jabbed a kunai into the Sue's eye, directly into her brain, leaving her to die writhing on the floor as the impaled eye spouted blood.

"…That was hot…" Sakura began kissing him again.

"Sakura-chan? Is that you?"

"Shit. Ino."

"You're…Making out with Neji…"  
"Yes she is. If you plan on saying anything about us, take a good look at the last person who tried something." Neji pointed at the Mary Sue corpse.

"Hey, no worries. I won't tell."

"Good. Now leave."

"Bye…"

Ino squealed internally. _'I can't wait to see how this turns out.'_

I0I0

"Whoot!" Naruto heard someone cheer.  
He poked his head into the room of the source. Several dozen people were partying wildly. A girl was chained to the wall yelling 'Chi, let me go dammit!' to a girl with glasses who stood just out of her reach. Boys and girls, women and men alike milled about, chatting idly and everyone wore a nametag.

'_These humans have some strange names.'_ Naruto thought as he passed by 'The Rogue Stallion', 'GoesKaboom', 'Ren-sensei', and 'Vimuku'.

'_What a coincidence.' _He mused when he saw one 'hinata-naruto-neji-HNN'.

'_Demo, what are all these people doing here?'_

The screaming girl (Insane Immortal Dragon Goddess) ran into the room hollering about cheese, crashed into a wall, then suffered a mild concussion. Everyone avoided the unconscious body. A girl tagged 'KrimzenAngel' (email you soon…) muttered something about wishing Orochimaru was here.

"KAYLA!"

"Don't touch that!"

There was a loud explosion down the hall, sending a scorched girl flying through the air. (Many thanks to Kayla, Alexa, Jesse, and Michelle, who've been reading ever since the very first ff. Which isn't on this site, so ha.)

"Is she dead?"

"Of course not, she's got that damn insurance!"

"What's going on?" Absolkagome asked.

"Ane-san!" the chained girl called.

"What the hell is going on?" Naruto demanded.

"It's a party." Everyone replied.

"Who started this mess?"

All index fingers were pointed at the girl in the corner, aka the authoress.

"Um…Heh heh?" she said as she attempted to pick the cuffs.

"Why are you destroying my home?"

"Hey, do you see _me_ trashing your place? Don't worry about the crazy people, they'll wear themselves out soon."

"Get out now."

"Okay everyone! Let's go, party's over!" All and sundry seemed disappointed as they were teleported away to wherever their destination may be.

"Urf, I'm going to bed…" Naruto sighed, though it was barely past noon.

When he entered his bedroom, there was some _other_ girl comparing weapons with Hinata.

"Alexa! We have to go now!" the authoress yelled as she pulled Alexa to some other dimension through a portal in the ceiling.

"I rather liked that girl." Hinata noted as Naruto curled up in the bed, exhausted from all the humans running rampant.

IOI

Many thanks to all my reviewers.

In order on comment board, and there may just be a little message for you! And a personal message for everyone at the end.

**Falsewipe (here's your update!)**

**I'LL KICK UR ASS (I'm a genius!)  
The Rogue Stallion (Cough. Sorry.)**

**GoesKaboom (I do believe you're one of my regular reviewers, so thanks for staying the path. Reviews mean so much to me.)**

**Wolvknight (A newer regular, thanks for reading.)**

**Vimuku (Fellow NaruGaa fan, let's party!)**

**Artemis 85 (You get a special spot soon enough… Involving bubble wrap lol)**

**serindipity (I enjoy our random emails about nothing in particular)**

**Vert 9413 (Thanks for being so enthusiastic.)**

**Tri-Edge of the Azure Flames (I feel special…)**

**morning-fire-star (I almost missed you! I feel bad…)**

**Insane Immortal Dragon Goddess (I hope you enjoyed your fifteen seconds of fame)**

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**dahmersdeadgirl (Hmm…Still thinking about that chocolate coated compensation…)**

**Ren-sensei (Another regular, so of course I put in your request!)**

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**hinata-naruto-neji-HNN (Just brilliant, I like your reviews.)**

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**RobotPirateNinja (And I did! And you can read it now.)**

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**PyroD (Yep. I feel for Lee too. Kinda.)**

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**Risuko-Hime (Thanks for liking the story.)**

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**Jasmine Dawn Pendragon (Huzzah! Not a regular, but still one of my oldest reviewers!)**

**MingShun (Heh. I think that was my first omg. Cute name btw.)**

**Raikiri1991 (I knew Sasuke was gay too. Everyone does.)**

**Fire Thief (Yes. Poor naïve Naruto. Except he's not so naïve anymore.)**

**Demonkid (The concept is still interesting aka weird. Fifth reviewer!)**

**Sasuke's one and only girl (Thanks for the bunny. Fourth reviewer!)**

**MistressKyuu (I'm glad that you stopped by to review! You're reading this now, right? Third reviewer!)**

**FireyNinja (Hooray, a funny and interesting story! Second reviewer!)**

**Raining Silver (thank you so much for my first comment! You don't know how much that meant to me.)**

Okay everyone, that's all the thanks, so… What's that? Some of you readers weren't mentioned? Well, why not comment then? It means the world to us authors and authoresses, so light up our day with your words!

Always know that the friends I've made through this story, my regulars, and the first five reviewers hold a special place in my heart. Arigatou gozaimasu! Ja until the next time!

With all my love,

YamiTenshi


	22. Let's Go To Court!

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hey everyone! Here's the last filler chappie!

Disclaimer Police: You're under arrest!

Tenshi: What? Why?  
DP: You've been neglecting to put disclaimers on your stories. Again.

Tenshi: Dammit!  
Chi: Idiot.

Tenshi: Um…:Sprints off into the distance:

Chi: You dumbass, you can't outrun the cops!  
Tenshi: I can outrun the school cop!  
Chi: That's different!  
Tenshi: Oh yeah. :gets tackled by five DP members: This is police brutality!  
DP leader: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of disclaimer law.

Tenshi: Fuck:Gets tossed into the squad car:  
DP: Like that. :writes down:

Tenshi: Well, take this! Shanananananananananananananananananananananan-  
Fifteen minutes later at jail…

Tenshi: nananananananananananananananananananananannanananananana!

DP: SHUT UP:slaps Tenshi:

Tenshi: I'm reporting you! What am I supposed to do about the chapter?

DP: Do it in court:throws Tenshi into cell:

Tenshi: Great. Just great.

0o0

Ch.22 Let's All Go To Court!

(WARNING: This chapter is full of stupidity, insults, and people telling each other to shut up. AND SOMEONE DIES!)

"All rise for the honorable Judge Judy." The bailiff yells.

"I'm getting tried by Judge Judy?" the accused stood.

"I'm sorry, there's been a typo. Again. You're getting tried by Judge Judy's long lost sister Judge Nudy. Don't say anything about her name." (pronounced noo-dee. Just a note)

"Oh."  
Judge Nudy stepped into the courtroom and sat in her giant chair.

"You may be seated." Everyone sat. "Alright, we're here today to discuss the case of Tenshi and the disclaimers. How does the defendant claim?"  
"Um…Can I think about that for a moment?"

Three hours later…

"Not guilty!"

"Huh?" Judge Nudy sat up, wiping the drool from her face. "Wha? I wasn't taking a nap."

"Don't you call witnesses to the stand or something like that now?"  
"Oh yeah. But first, what do you have to say for yourself?"  
"Well, I- "

"Where's your lawyer? And what are all these people doing in my courtroom!" she pointed at the two hundred plus people, hanyou, and animals crowded into the benches.

"I think they're my readers. But I only know about…Forty… They're the ones who comment." (I highly doubt that KNK got over 40,000 hits from forty people)

"…I see. And your lawyer?"

"I think they appointed me one after they heard I got arrested."

'_As long as it's not Kayla, I might actually win!'_

serendipity stumbled into the courtroom. "Sorry I'm late! You see, me and Itachi were-Oh hey! What're you doing here?" she waves at Tenshi.

"I'm on trial."  
"That sucks."

"Yeah, I know. I think you're supposed to be my lawyer."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So…What do I do?"  
"Stand around looking lawyerish, I guess."

"Stop talking!" Judge Nudy yelled as she threw her gavel at the late lawyer.

After knocking rin-chan out, the gavel clattered to the floor.

"Bailiff! Go pick up my hammer thingy!"

"It's called a gavel!" Chi yelled from the back of the room.

The bailiff gave the judge her hammer back, which was immediately chucked at Chi, who ducked.

"Bailiff! Get my gavel again!"  
"What's the point of getting it back if you're just going to throw it again?" one reader asked.

"Shut up! This is my courtroom! You don't question me! Now, do fifteen jumping jacks!" she commanded.

"Why?"

A shinigami stepped into the courtroom and dragged the unknown reader out.

"I'm too young to die!"

"Technically, no one is too young to die." Chi noted.

"Shut up! Go be smart somewhere else!" Tenshi yelled back at her.

"You shut up, you stupid bitch!"

"Order in the court!" Judge Nudy slammed the gavel on its block so hard that the head flew off and knocked out Sakura, who was sitting in the first row.

"Are you okay?" Some people who cared asked.

"That's a stupid question. Why bother to ask if someone's okay if they're clearly not? It's so troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.

"Can we get on with the trial?" Tenshi asked.  
"Why?" Judge Nudy asked as she filed her nails.  
"Because I have to work on my stories."  
"Oh, yes. You might need a new lawyer though."  
"Ah, Aires Drake, your dad or something like that is a lawyer, right?"  
"No can do. He's working on another case."  
"Well, today just sucks, now doesn't it?"

"First witness!"

"The plaintiff calls…That guy to the stand!" they point outside the door, where some confused person stared back.

"What's going on?" he didn't get an answer, he instead got crowd-surfed to the front, and was dumped into the witness' seat.

"Tell us your name." Judge Nudy began.

"kakashiindrag…" (See? I forgive you for not reading.)

"Okay. The lawyer may proceed."

"Mr.kakashiindrag. You are a reader of Ms.Tenshi's fics correct?"  
"I read Kitsune no Kyuubi, but then I stopped."  
"And why did you stop?" the lawyer, some random guy named Bob, loomed over the confused 'witness'.

"I didn't like how gay and horny the demons were acting…"  
"Would you say that you were offended?"  
"A little."  
"Oh come on! It's not that bad!" Tenshi hollered at the guy.

"It's true! She draws gay porn!" a random kid from the accused girl's school yelled. (It's true. I have a yaoi sketchbook. NaruGaa. It's just a _little_ graphic. lol)

"Shut up Deer-man!"

"Both of you shut up!"

"The plaintiff calls the next witness to the stand!" A portal into the never-ending sky opened up and sucked kakashiindrag away.

"Uzumaki Naruto!"

Five minutes later…

"Where is he?"

"Like hell I know!" Tenshi sighed.

"What's that noise?" GoesKaboom asked.

"That's the bubble wrap room. No one should be in there." Judge Nudy explained. "Bailiff, go open the door."

Inside the room, Lee was getting raped by Artemis 85. Every movement popped approximately fifteen bubbles.

"Um…" the bailiff shut the door, then opened it again.

This time, Gaara was making out with Naruto.

"There he is!" yelled Artemis 85.

"We know that! …How'd you get out here?"

"I dunno."

"Naruto, you're supposed to be a witness."  
"Okay…" Naruto climbed up to the witness stand and sat.

Hinata, pissed that it had been Gaara kissing Naruto instead of her, pulled out her brand spanking new .12 gauge shotgun and commenced firing without hesitation. Gaara was safe behind his sand shield, but some less fortunate reviewers happened to be in the line of fire and suffered some rather painful gun wounds. Orochimaru, who happened to be strolling by, singing his own personal national anthem ("I pledge allegiance to the flag, that Orochimaru is a fag, he used to play with little toys and now he plays with little boys." Lyrics copyright of serindipity.) , got his head blasted off. Somehow, he was miraculously revived and marched away happily.

"How do you feel about being a character in a story that usually does not have disclaimers?" Bob asked.

"What story?"  
"The one she writes." Bob pointed at Tenshi.

"So she gave me the courage to make out with Gaara and make him have babies?"  
"Yes! I'm awesome, aren't I?"

"What she said." Bob said. "Except for the awesome part."

"Hey!"  
"I'm glad that she could do that then."  
"I'm bored. Uchiha Sasuke to the stand!" Bob roared.

"Wait, we've been doing this for six pages, and we don't even know who the plaintiff is." Chi scoffed.

"Correction, your sentence just put us at seven pages, and the DP are suing her, for your information." Bob said.

"This is stupid, can we just go to the party?" Tenshi sighed.

"Ooooh, a party? Where?" Judge Nudy asked.

"It's Gaara and Hinata's baby shower. All you have to do is follow the magical rainbow into Wisconsin, dance an English jig, pick up a beer, then smash the bottle over someone's head." Tenshi explained.

"Okay!" Judge Nudy skipped off beneath the sparkly magic rainbow that was summoned from hell, leaving the case without a judge.

"Now that, children, is how you get out of a lawsuit." Tenshi nods sagely, spreading her not so wise wisdom to all the readers.

"You have no right to give out free advice. Or any type of advice for that matter. You suck at advice giving." Chi said as she put a bookmark in her book which appeared from nowhere.

"PARTY!" Everyone cheered.

And they followed the rainbow. Once arriving at Wisconsin, everyone began some semblance of a jig.

"Wait!"

Everyone looked up.

"It must be an Irish jig!"

"But you said an English jig the first time." Sasuke was confused. He just wanted to get Naruto alone and make sweet, glorious, non-consensual, love to him.

"Naw, if you don't do an Irish jig, you get sent to the Bottomless Pit of Everlasting Doom (trademark of YamiTenshi)."

"What's in there?" Lee asked as he was continually raped by Artemis.

"An unkillable Barney. And Mr.Rogers with a chainsaw. It's the ultimate defense system." Tenshi explained, while hoping no one would kill her for taking so long to update. Because then she'd have to send them to the Bottomless Pit of Everlasting Doom TM.

Anyway, the ceremony continued until the beer bottle smashing, which resulted in cracked skulls, various lacerations, people crying for their mommies, alcohol poisoning, and several deaths, which put the death toll a notch higher.

"Um…Reviewers down! Reviewers down!" Tenshi yelled as she blew on Ino's rape whistle.

The cops and the paramedics arrived to pick up the corpses and declared that everyone who wasn't dead was fit to party. A spiral staircase descended from the heavens to take the remaining people to the baby shower. It happened to be underground, beneath a big oak.

And the walls were covered with wallpaper made of porn pictures.

"KAYLA!"

"Yes?" Said person walks in, eating concrete.

"Did you put this up?" Tenshi points at porno wallpaper.

"Yeah! It's from my favorite website refridgeratorporn .com, You like?"

"It made them pass out. Could you take it down? How about…Now-ish?"

Dozens of readers are out cold on the floor and whether it was from blood loss from the nose or their severe head wounds, no one was quite sure. The ones left standing were perverts who start stuffing as many pages into their pockets, socks, underwear, nasal passages, shoes, and bras as possible. Sasuke, spotting sexy drawings of Naruto amongst the bunch, joins them. Gaara and Hinata, who have also noticed said drawings, commence an epic battle between the three of them for rights of the Naruto pics.

"You can use them to cover the outside of your house. The photos, I mean." Chi suggested as she continued to read her book.

"Okay!" Kayla chirps, beginning to drink a gallon of bleach.

"Kayla! Your bleach drinking license expired a month ago!" Michelle shouted from the basement.

"It did?"

One visit to the hospital, two doctors going insane, and three stomach pumps later…

Everyone is now fine, except some of the more delicate people who have gone temporarily blind. Kayla is disappointed they didn't like the pictures. But she got over it and started eating more concrete.

There's a loud flush as a reader who shall not be named finishes their business in the bathroom, making the blender turn on. Another, known as she-wolf9 touches a lamp which turns on the amp to setting eleven.

"You have an amp?" The ninjas of Sound asked.

"Um…Yes?"

Dosu, Zaku, and Kin proceeded to rock out loud and with the power of the amp, blew up half the underground base with a single strum of an electric guitar. And then they went back to Orochimaru to help him find some little boys to play with.

Meanwhile, leetdragon7 opens the fridge to get a snack, only to have the gas-top stove to turn on. Kayla turns on the garbage disposal and the freezer, which was right next to the fridge, flew open and ate the entire base.

THE END

No, just kidding. Chi said the safety word (Ni) and everything was reassembled, even the dead readers. Kyuubi-Sama-Meli decided that she should invite more people and picked up the phone. Sprinklers turned on inside the base.

"We're wettt! Yay!" Kyuubiplush cheered in an effeminate manner, whipping off his shirt and swinging it in a circle over his head.

Alexa, back from the insane asylum, death row, life imprisonment, and the dead, is currently streaking through the base, screaming incoherently. Insane Immortal Dragon Goddess, Yami Ryo, animecorps, LightningStreak-sama, Lee, Shino (WTF?), and the girls from 'Nuns Gone Wild' decided to join her.

"Oooh! My favorite girls!" Itachi squealed when he saw the young nuns.

"Hi Itachi!" the Nuns Gone Wild girls giggled at their best customer.

You see, Itachi has many passions, one of which being the Nuns Gone Wild series. He has all of their tapes, is a premium super ultra mega platinum member of their mailing list, and makes regular donations to their school which raises wild nuns to be. It's a very prestigious academy, you know. Half of the Akatsuki budget goes into this particular passion. This makes the rest of the Akatsuki members unhappy, except for Tobi because he's an idiot and likes the series too. The only reason why they stay is for the free donuts.

"Did they take Vicadin?" Ino asked, saying something for probably the first time the entire chapter.

"No, I ate it all." Roxtrox7 admitted.

"Again? Stop eating the good stuff!" Incalu gasped.

Then the cops showed up to arrest Alexa _again_, stopping to pocket some of the wallpaper. Stupid pervy cops.

"Who called the feds?" Kiba asked as he made out passionately with the still shirtless Kyuubiplush. (I hope you are happy. XD)

"Yeah! Who dialed 811?"

Everyone looked at Tenshi strangely.

"Long story."

Just then, Jesse walks in with a cell phone. "Yo retards!"

"I thought we killed you. Like, a lot." Michelle said in mild amazement.

"You try killing Kayla a lot too."

"She has too much insurance. We don't know how to kill her."

"Did you try shooting her again?"

"Yes dammit!"  
"Stop yelling!"  
"Why should I?" Michelle screamed.

"Fuck you!"  
"You already did!"

Everyone wondered when the two would stop the lover's quarrel and they would get to the party. It didn't seem likely, considering that the story was now at twelve pages and going absolutely nowhere. Everyone also realized that they didn't bring gifts, so they galloped off on an army of bison into the sunset to go to a wedding gifts store to get some.

By the time things had gotten settled down, presents wrapped, and psychotic people securely tied up, it was three days after the trial was started. Hinata decided to open her presents first.

"Oh, a dish set. Isn't it lovely Naruto?" she asked. Naruto didn't really think it was, but he didn't want to get shot or maimed in any shape, way, or form, so he just nodded and pulled his hair back into its usual ponytail.

A rustling of paper was all that was heard as the next gift was opened.

"Another dish set? Well isn't that nice?"

"How come we don't get any wedding junk? We're getting married too…" Ino and Temari sighed, thinking about Shikamaru who was being force fed an industrial sized box of chocolate laxatives at the present time.

"QUIET! THIS IS _MY _WEDDING!" Hinata screamed, eye twitching wildly.

Neither blonde wanted to die, so they shut up.

More rustling.

"Another dish set?"  
Further rustling.

"A…Dish set?"

"But it's got a fondue pot!" dragonlord999 tried to emphasize the difference a fondue pot makes.

"…" Hinata opened another package.

It was… A dish set.

"WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE GODDAMN DISH SETS? IF ANYONE ELSE GOT ME A DISH SET, THEY'RE DEAD!"

Half the people immediately went to get new gifts, tossing the dish sets into the ocean. The sets were eaten by baby belugas that sung the Baby Beluga song. (Does anyone else know that one? Or is that just a thing with the people in my French class? You know, "Baby beluga in the deep, blue sea. Swim so wide and swim so free…" Something like that.)

"No one likes meee…Not even my own husband… I didn't get any presents…" Gaara cried.

"…Wasn't this supposed to be a baby shower?" Chi interrupted.

"Yessss….Whyyyy?"

"This is more like a bridal shower."

"Oh. My bad." Tenshi sighed, but didn't feel like changing the obvious mistake.

"Don't worry Gaara…_I _love you, remember?" Naruto nuzzled into Gaara's neck.

"Aw…" One and all cooed. Except for Hinata, because she was pissed.

"Unfaithful bastard!" Hinata stormed off.

The hurricane of destruction that was Hinata, subsided. Neji finally came out of hiding, where he'd been the entire chapter.

"Hey Gaara, we all chipped in for a present for you!"

"Really?" Gaara's eyes sparkled brightly, with a light that'd never been seen by mankind.

"Yup!"

A dump truck backed in with the careful guidance of OtakuDolly and dumped its load on the guests, nearly suffocating them.

"We went to all the major beaches of the world and got you sand!"

And thus ended the baby slash bridal shower because the ultra crackifiedness of this chapter has completely exhausted the authoress who can write no longer and apologizes for wasting your time.

HAVE A NICE DAY!

0o0

Um… Excuse me, I need to die of mental exhaustion. Writing crack is harder than you think. And I do not know if refridgeratorporn .com is a real website. If you want to know, go check it yourself. Feel free to let me know if it is though!


	23. The Moment We've All Been Waiting For

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Oh my, it's been quite a while since I updated, hasn't it? Last time was in… Oh, you can't be serious. I haven't updated since July?!? Oh my gods. I am so incredibly sorry, I didn't realize it's been that long. My writing has matured a bit since then, but I'll leave it as stupid as the day it was written. It's even worse because I've had the first thirty something chapters already written since I had posted the first chapter on the internet. I have no excuse, not even finals and the five other active stories of mine. Did you miss me?

0o0

Ch.23 The Moment We've All Been Waiting For…

0o0

Three months later…

"Wow, Gaara-kun! You and Hinata-chan's bellies have gotten really big!" Naruto exclaimed with his standard vulpine grin.

"Must you say that every day?"

"Yes!" Naruto glomped his husband enthusiastically.

"There's a bona fide chakra rainbow in both of them. You wouldn't believe all the things I'm seeing." Neji said as he examined the sand nin's stomach.

"Does that include a certain kunoichi?" Naruto asked with a devilish smirk.

Neji shot him a warning look. "Could you excuse us, Gaara-san?"

The redhead shrugged and left the medical cavern. He was starting to get hungry anyway. It might be fun to terrorize the kitchen imps until they made him some ridiculous dish to sate whatever his multiple cravings would be by the time he got there. Gaara knew he shouldn't tease them so much, but he had Naruto's protection, so they wouldn't dare poison his food.

"You better not tell anyone about me and Sakura." Neji said in a low voice.

"You have to tell Kakashi and Tenten sometime."

"It's bad enough you walked in on us twice!"

"It was dark, so I didn't see anything."

"You're such a liar, demon. You can see just fine in the dark."

"At least you weren't naked yet." There were plenty of things that Naruto wanted to see and Hyuuga Neji in the nude wasn't one of them.

"Why won't you let me marry Sakura?"

"You need to tell Tenten and she needs to tell Kakashi. Do that and I will gladly let you."

"Is this some kind of revenge?"

"You know it." Naruto flicked one of his tails.

"Infuriating demon." Neji growled, swatting at a tail that got too close.

"Silly human." Naruto giggled as Neji turned and left abruptly. "Don't say I didn't warn you…"

He hunted down a certain silver haired jonin and a last nameless Chinese girl. (**No one knows Tenten's last name!)** "Hey Tenten! Kakashi! Ever wonder what your mates do every day?"

I0I0I0I0I

In the cavern with the still pool, two bodies kept rubbing against each other for the warmth that the space lacked. Soft flesh mingled as fingers caressed the other's body.

"Neji…" Sakura moaned as he kissed her neck.

To their surprise and dismay, the slab of rock they'd started putting in front of the cavern's slim opening was pulled away. They had moved it there as an attempt to keep Naruto away, but it wasn't the blonde who entered. Two sets of feet stepped inside the dark cave and Sakura blanched when she saw the intruders. Tenten was the first of the four present to recover. (Time for some soap opera action from the soap opera from hell. AKA: This story.)

"What are you doing, Neji?" she demanded, pitch heightened in her rage.

"What does it look like?" the Hyuuga branch countered coolly.

"It looks like you're having sex with his wife!"

"Sakura…" Kakashi whispered.

"Why?" Tenten's voice cracked as she tried to hold back her sob.

"Because…" Neji glared at her. "You and I have nothing in common."

Tenten stormed to Neji, fist clenched. "Bastard!" She slapped him across the face and ran away, stumbling as she cried.

Kakashi walked out in silence, stopping only long enough to give Sakura a kicked puppy look.

"Are you okay Neji?" Sakura asked as she touched his cheek.

"I can't say I've ever been better. How about you?"

"Mmm, when's the wedding?" Sakura snuggled into her prospective husband's chest.

I0I0I0I0I

As the crew sat down for dinner, Neji and Sakura sat opposite their exes, glaring daggers at each other.

"Hinata-chan, how are you doing?" Naruto seemed a little worried.

"Fine."

"Gaara-kun? Are you okay?"

"Ah!" Hinata gasped as there was a wet spatter. "My water…Just broke…" she looked pale.

Naruto jumped up and slung her over his shoulder then went to pick up Gaara as well.

"I'm fine! Nothing's happ- " _Splat._ "I am still capable of walking."

"No walking!" Naruto yelled as he grabbed Gaara and sprinted off to the medi-cave.

"Sakura-chan, would you go make sure he doesn't do anything stupid and that Hinata-sama's children come out all right?" Neji asked the pink haired kunoichi, giving her a quick kiss.

She nodded and everyone gave a 'did we miss something?' look to each other. The authoress' even shorter than Edward Elric friend showed up and briefly explained the situation. Why not the authoress? Because seriously, how often do you get to see a guy have a baby?

I0I0I0I0I

Naruto was enduring a lifetime's worth of screaming.

"I blame you!" Hinata shrieked as Gaara howled in pain, both gripping of Naruto's hands in their own.

"Gaara-san, how am I supposed to get the children out if you won't let me make the incision?" Sakura asked, frustrated.

In a quick movement, Naruto used his claws to slice open Gaara's belly where Sakura had conveniently marked an x. Hinata pushed one out while Sakura retrieved two from Gaara. The three started wailing and Naruto hollered for backup. A troop of imps rolled in two carts with baby baskets on them to place the children in. It was the first of many blood filled hours, but when they were done Naruto was the proud parent of eighteen. That's right. Don't adjust your monitors, because you read correctly. Eighteen children. Nine from Hinata, nine from Gaara.

"I wish I could hold them all at the same time…" Naruto sighed as they slept.

"Can we come in?" Ino whispered as the rest of the shinobi stood outside the room.

"As long as your name isn't Sasuke."

"Hey!"

"I don't trust you around my babies."

Damn. Naruto had seen through his scheme. He had been planning to drop one or two. Or nine. He didn't care about Hinata, but Gaara and his offspring needed to die.

"How many are there? Three?" Shikamaru guessed, arriving late.

"Try six times that." Naruto replied.

"You're an animal." Kiba remarked, eyebrows arched in surprise.

"Well, foxes do have litters…" Naruto scratched his head.

"Whose are whose?" Neji asked as he searched for his cousin's young.

"The one in grey blankets are Hinata's, black are Gaara's."

Everyone was amazed at how many girls came out of one boy's body. Eight out of nine of Gaara's children were female.

"Can I hold one?" Kakashi asked. These would make fine protégés. He would teach them in the ways of the Icha Icha.

"No, nobody touches my kits!" Naruto hissed.

"I have a feeling you'll be a caring father. Or maybe just overprotective."

"I'll train them just like my dad trained me! They'll be tough!" Naruto whispered loudly as he struck the good guy pose.

Gaara sat up abruptly. "Uzumaki Naruto! After the horror stories you told me about your training, there's no way in hell I'm letting you do that to my children!"

Naruto took both carts by their handles and began to pull them out of the room. "You can't stop me!"

"What are you going to do to say I can't?"

"I'll never sleep with you again!"

"Fine! I can live!"

"Really? And I had just got a brand new outfit too…" Naruto said seductively.

Gaara blushed as he said, "So? I don't care."

"Maybe…" Naruto smirked as he wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck. "I'll let Sasuke see it."

Sasuke felt himself grow stiff as Naruto brushed his fangs against his neck. He shivered as the blonde sunk his teeth into him and lapped up the blood.

"That's not all I can do." Naruto whispered into his ear and the raven haired nin blushed scarlet as all his blood went to a certain part of his anatomy. Naruto gave a winner's cocky smirk. "I see you're interested. Should I meet you later?"

Sasuke couldn't manage words, but nodded.

"Until then…" Naruto smacked Sasuke's butt as he passed. The ninja was rendered immobile.

"Y-yeah…"

Naruto looked back at Gaara then began to walk away again.

"You better make it worth my time!" Gaara called.

'_Gotcha.'_ Naruto chucked deviously.

I0I0I0I0I

"Kakashi-sensei… What are you doing?" Sakura asked as she looked around.

They were in the cavern where she met with Neji. She had fallen asleep in Neji's room and then woken up here.

"Sakura, I'm not letting you go?"  
"Eh?"

"I won't accept him marrying you. I want you all to myself."

"What are you…Going to do?"

"I'll teach you things with my body the Hyuuga's never heard of."

"And if word slips?" She took a few steps back, trying to find the exit.

"I'll slit his throat while he sleeps. Just enjoy the ride, okay?"

Kakashi pulled her close, sliding her clothes off slowly. Sakura found herself nodding as she wept a single silent tear. She apologized to Neji in her mind as she was lowered to the cold stone ground.

When she woke, she was back beside a sleeping Neji, feeling strangely satisfied. It is a curious thing to have been in an affair and an even curiouser thing to be in an unwanted affair with the person you had been cheating on in the first place. She climbed out of bed and went on living as usual.

I0I0I0I0I

"Gaara?"

"Yes, Hinata?" the redhead turned to the Hyuuga heiress, the lack of Naruto between them apparent.

"Where'd the children go?" she pointed at the eighteen empty cradles that surrounded their bed.

They had yet to make a nursery, so all the children slept in their room for now. They were well into their second week of parenthood and prayed that the room would be finished soon because they really weren't getting that much sleep at all. If one child woke up screaming, they'd all soon be at it.

"Naruto said something about taking them on a walk."  
"And you didn't say anything? Are you sure you're being a responsible parent?"

"I'm not ruining my chances of the best sex of my life. And you can bite me, Hyuuga. I am an incredibly responsible parent. How many diapers have you changed so far?"

"I've changed- "

"None. It's me and Naruto who've been doing it all. And that's a lot of diapers for just two people to handle. We are obviously the better parents."

"Fuck you, sand brat. I feed them." Hinata snarled.

"And I don't?"

"Naruto loves me more."

"No, he loves me more!"

"Stupid raccoon, he doesn't love you more!" Hinata cracked out her pistol and held it in Gaara's face.

"…I'm a tanuki…" Gaara growled as his sand wrapped around the gun's barrel and jerked it out of her grip. The two stayed in a glaring match until Hinata decided to break the silence.

"…How bad is this training Naruto mentioned?"

"Running six hundred miles in a half foot of snow naked. Wake up calls that involve burning coals. Near decapitation. You don't know the half of it."

"He owes me _so_ big. Putting our children in danger like that."

"So true." Gaara patted her on the back sympathetically. "You can talk to him about it later."

Naruto came back in at that precise moment.

"You owe me."

"I know, I know…"

I0I0I0I0I

Naruto watched Hinata and Gaara feed his children. They were all so beautiful. Gaara had started lactating ever since he had become pregnant, so the kits weren't completely dependant on Hinata for milk. But Gaara had the teeniest breasts ever, so he couldn't get much out. Naruto had gotten used to making formula for whichever eight children left couldn't get a drink from their redheaded mother.

Gaara groaned as he put one of his babies back in its bassinet and rubbed his small, flat breasts. "Naruto… My nipples are killing me…"

"Do you think we should just put them all on formula?" Naruto flinched slightly when he saw the swollen nipple. Gaara may have the least amount of milk, but his children were the greediest.

"Koku and Shiro bit me again!" Hinata yelped, nursing new bites.

"Well, I know some vixens through my dad, maybe one of them would nurse our kits." Naruto offered the solution.

Gaara and Hinata exchanged glances. "Have a stranger nurse our babies? We'll have to discuss this."

Naruto watched them leave the room to confer on the matter. He tried to calm a screeching Furi with a bottle, who suckled on it like her life depended on it. Yukio started to cry when Sayo kicked him in the head with her tiny feet, so Naruto had to settle that situation. Osen and Shura tried to wiggle off the bed and Naruto had to dash over there to stop their adventure before they fell on their heads. Ko threw up on the sheets and then he was off to clean up that. He then proceeded to change all their diapers and tried to put them to bed. No single sane person could handle all this stress and he desperately wished that Gaara and Hinata would come back soon. Pita and Ten started to cry, which made the rest of them cry, so he picked up as many of them as he could and tried to sing them to sleep. With one per arm and one per tail, seven were still screaming in their beds and Naruto was just about to lose his mind.

"We decided that it would be okay to bring in a vixen to feed them as long as she was under some sort of contract. We don't want our children getting killed because of a stupid mistake." Hinata said as she and Gaara reentered.

Naruto was so relieved they were back that he started to cry along with his kits.

I0I0I0I0I

(Don't worry, I'll make a somewhat detailed list of who's who in the world of Naruto's young ones that will be the next chapter and the story will resume in the chapter after that.)

Naruto enjoyed talking walks with his kits. Things were just a little less hectic now that he had hired a quiet vixen to take care of the nursing problem. It had been six months since the kits had been born and they were incredibly rambunctious, just crawling all over. Demon young developed more quickly than those of humans and he had blooded them to be full demons, which Neji despised. He left whenever one of them was in the room. A few had started walking on unsteady legs so they got around pretty well. Sakae stumbled beside him and grabbed at a nearby plant. Naruto breathed a sigh of relief when it held up. Something odd occurred when she grabbed it though and the leaves were shining unusually. Upon closer examination, the leaves were no longer leaves, but leaf shaped emeralds instead. Sakae plopped down on her butt and slapped at the grass around her with her little hands. It shared the same fate as the leaves and Naruto had to pick her up before she cut herself on it.

Curious to test this new theory, he caught a bird and handed it to her. The bluebird squirmed and chirped as its feathers turned to glass and then it was immobile. She gave a small giggle and tried to put it in her mouth, but Naruto took it away. She found a rock to put inside her mouth instead and when in her hands it became a shiny piece of round marble that she was forced to spit out. Naruto widened his eyes in surprise. He had been wondering when their demon powers would start manifesting. If one started, that meant the others were sure to start soon.

He glanced around at the others. Koku and Shiro held out their hands at each other, as if they meant to hug. The space between their hands started to distort and swirl and Naruto was sure that he was about to need some backup ASAP. Hana and Haruko squealed in delight as plants wove around their bodies. Ko hiccupped a small flame. Oh yes, he would definitely need some help.

0o0

Yosh, the chapter may be short and the next chapter will be a list and not a chapter, but hopefully this will tide you over until I update again. But anyway, BABIES! Yes, the babies finally made their debut… There will be plenty of trouble for them to get into and you can be sure that Sakura will have plenty of drama and that Sasuke will try to seduce Naruto yet again and that Hinata will continue to wield her pistol with grandeur. Also, with the next story chapter (not the list chapter), you will all have to make a decision that will forever change the story.

Will Naruto finally give into Sasuke?  
Who will Sakura chose?

Will Hinata get more guns?

Will Gaara ever stop torturing the kitchen imps?  
And what is the mystery of the next story chapter that is so incredibly important that I'm letting you make the decision?

Find out next time on Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune! (Also known as KNK and the soap opera from hell.)


	24. The Naze Nani of the Kitsune no Kyuubi

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Hello, welcome to the Naze Nani (The how and why) chapter of KNK that sheds some light on Naruto's multiple offspring! It explains all sorts of handy dandy things that you can access at any time so if you ever need to go back and figure out who's who, you can do so easily!

The children will be listed in the order that they appeared in the last chapter and those that did not appear in the last chapter will of course be at the bottom of the list. If you're wondering why some kits have bigger descriptions, it's either because they have a bigger place in the story or I just have more to say about them. Other children will be introduced into the story later, so I may add a chapter for the human children, or I could just update this one…

0o0

Ch.23.5 The Naze Nani of the Kitsune no Kyuubi Children

0o0

**Koku**

**The Black Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex:** Male

**Favorite Food: **Anything super spicy, sweet pickles

**Hair:** Black

**Eyes: **Byakugan

**Techniques:** His joint ability with Shiro allows him to distort perception and can also create small portals that transport him anywhere within his sight range. He also likes shape-shifting.

**Other: **Koku is Shiro's identical twin brother, but he's older by about a minute. He's got a slightly sarcastic personality and likes to tease the humans. Koku is flighty and will change his mind in an instant and he admires Shiro for being able to keep up with him. Not very materialistic, he's just happy to have his brother around to play with. He flirts with Shiro, but it's unknown what their relationship exactly is. He's never shown any interest in girls.

**Shiro**

**The White Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex:** Male

**Favorite Food:** Anything super spicy, shiokara (salted fish guts)

**Hair: **White

**Eyes:** Byakugan

**Techniques: **His joint ability with Kuro allows him to distort perception and create small portals that can transport him anywhere within his sight range. However, they have to be together for these techniques to work.

**Other:** Shiro is Koku's identical twin brother, whom he is younger than by a minute. He adores Koku and usually does whatever he does. Like Koku, he isn't interested much in material possessions. He is somewhat meeker than Koku and it shows when they're separate, but you'd never know it when they're together. Shiro likes when Koku flirts with him and is more than happy to return the gesture, but the true nature of their relationship is a mystery, even to their parents.

**Furi**

**The Fortunate Fox**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex: **Female

**Favorite Food: **Sushi (especially tuna), snake meat

**Hair: **Red like her father

**Eyes: **She has Shukaku's golden eyes, but her pupil does not take the cross shape unless she's extremely enraged

**Techniques: **Not much to speak of besides basic elemental training, though she can change the probability of something happening, like a branch snapping under an enemy's feet or a weapon missing its mark.

**Other:** Furi, like her name suggests, was born under a lucky star. Any game based on luck she wins and she is somewhat disheartened by this because not many people want to play with her when they realize that the game is always in her favor. Card games are her favorite, but since no one plays with her, she learned how to do card tricks instead. She's been scolded a few times for investing more time in 'fake magic' than her elemental magic but Naruto and Gaara understand she loves what she does. She's not particularly close to any of her siblings, though she connects with Sakae because both of their powers make them somewhat excluded from the rest of their family.

**Yukio**

**The Snow Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex: **Male

**Favorite Food:** He likes foods that are either bland or slightly sweet, as his tongue cannot handle spicy or bitter foods at all.

**Hair:** Extremely white, even whiter than Shiro's.

**Eyes:** He has a combination of the Byakugan and Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques:** Yukio can draw moisture from the air to make ice, but his most significant ability is that of his Sight. He can occasionally see into the future because of the peculiar co-dominant Byakugan and demon eye traits.

**Other:** Yukio is a frail, often sickly boy. Born a runt, he is plagued by his visions that show him everything he could ever want to see and everything he never would dare to even look at. His more aggressive visions show him death and violence surrounding his loved ones and most of the time he feels like he's going insane. His half sister Yami is probably the one of the only reasons he hasn't completely lost his mind. Yukio is an avid reader, mostly because he is too sick to play with the other kits and reading takes his mind off of his Sight for a while. His favorite types of books are crime novels because he loves how justice always prevails over even the most sadistic of killers. His family tries their best to keep him in good health.

**Sayo**

**The Fox Born At Night**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex:** Female

**Favorite Food:** Raw meat (she's absolutely crazy about alligator).

**Hair: **Extremely black, she is the polar opposite of Yukio

**Eyes:** Only three of Gaara's children have Shukaku's eyes and she is the second one who does. Like Furi, they only take the cross shape when she is enraged, which is quite often.

**Techniques:** She manipulates darkness and can create spheres of dark matter to destroy whatever may be in her way. It's a secret that she hasn't told her family, but she can also control sand just like Gaara.

**Other:** Sayo has a personality as dark as her name. She is the most aggressive of all the foxes and is full of hatred and rage. Technically, she's only half fox and her tanuki traits are stronger than the fox so she sports Shukaku's signature spiky tail and black ears. She idolizes her father's glory days when he slaughtered for sport with his mighty sand and aspires to his bloody greatness. Sayo still loves Gaara despite the fact that he has mellowed out some, but wished he was the same person he had been when he was twelve. Sayo hates Yukio with a passion for getting so much attention because he's the runt of the litter and vowed early in her life to kill him when the time was right. She pictures herself as the alpha female of the foxes, but in technicality there is none.

**Osen Ada Koushaku (Osen)**

**The Prince With A Thousand Enemies**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex:** Male

**Favorite Food:** He inherited his father's taste for food, miso ramen in particular

**Hair:** Blonde like Naruto

**Eyes:** Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques:** He is the physically strongest of the eighteen, but his cunning is his other greatest skill. Like Naruto he mastered the kage bunshin with ease and went on to master just about any other bunshin out there.

**Other:** Osen is the only son of Gaara. In fact, he was given his particular name because of his sisters. As the eldest child and also as their brother, he was entrusted with protecting them from whenever males decided to try to court his eight sisters. Because there was sure to be many of them, he'd have to stop an onslaught of a thousand men until they found the rights ones. Osen is the spitting image of Naruto, from his looks to his manner and will most likely succeed as the head of the family when Naruto dies. He has a mischievous streak a mile long and loves nothing more than a good prank. He gets along well with almost all of his family, but he has a tendency to clash with the ever-brooding Sayo.

**Shura**

**The Fighting Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex: **Female

**Favorite Food: **Like Osen, her tastes are a carbon copy of her father's. She is also partial to amazake (sweet nonalcoholic sake).

**Hair:** Blonde, like Naruto

**Eyes:** Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques: **I lied a bit when I said that Osen was the physically strongest of the eighteen. He's only the second strongest. Shura could kick the crap out of him in hand to hand combat any day. She specializes in taijutsu as she has practically no magic ability.

**Other:** If Osen is like Naruto, then Shura is Naruto doing his Oiroke no Jutsu. She gets into mischief and causes trouble even more than Osen, which is quite a feat. Her abilities as a prankster are nearly parallel with those of her father, who is proud of his daughter. She has her gender on her side as well and can wrap a man around her finger with ease. Though Lee is one of her favorite people to torture, she also studied taijutsu under him when she realized that her magical ability was more or less nonexistent. When she's not goofing off, she trains hard to keep up with her siblings. Shura hates losing more than anything so while Furi admires her greatly, she has never dared to ask her to play cards. In no way is she a sore loser, but she will sulk for a little while if she loses something like a footrace.

**Ko**

**The Crimson Fox**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex: **Female

**Favorite Food:** Flower salad (especially violets and roses), much to the distraught of Hana

**Hair:** Crimson (Didn't see that coming, now did you?)

**Eyes:** Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques:** She is incredibly proficient in flame manipulation but other than that has nothing much to speak about.

**Other: **Ko is a bit of a recluse, preferring to play with fire instead of people. There's probably a word for that– oh yeah, a pyromaniac! She is entranced by fire and loves nothing more than to watch something burn to ashes. Ko has gotten in trouble multiple times for setting fires where she's not supposed to, like in underwear drawers and rooms that have valuable scrolls. Curiously, whenever Sasuke finds his underwear drawer in smolders, she gets a pat on the back instead of a whack on the head. She dreams of a world filled with nothing but beautiful fire and told Osen that he shouldn't worry about her suitors because she was only interested in someone who loved fire as much as she does.

**Pitari (Pita)**

**The Clinging Fox**

**Parent: **Hinata

**Sex: **Female

**Favorite Food:** Squirrel pie

**Hair:** Blonde

**Eyes:** Byakugan

**Techniques:** She has a grip that can exceed over one hundred and fifty kilograms of force.

**Other:** Pitari is somewhat like the baby of the family. She hates being left alone and has a tendency to cling to Naruto, which is easy for her because she is very small and light. Her grip is an awesome force of destruction but she doesn't like to use it and opts to fall back on her basics because she doesn't like hurting people. Naruto, while he allows Pita to follow him just about everywhere, does not spoil her due to the fact that he would be playing favorites and a war would surely start between the eighteen. When Naruto isn't around, Pita will cling to her sister Ten instead. Also, she likes to sing and is quite good at it.

**Ten**

**The Heaven Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex:** Female

**Favorite Food:** Sweet, light foods such as angel's food cake

**Hair:** Blonde

**Eyes:** Byakugan

**Techniques:** Her abilities are opposite of Sayo, that meaning she's able to control light. She can also create spheres of light for offensive purposes.

**Other:** Ten is by no means a sweet little girl; despite the fact her name may suggest that. She will snap at Sayo without hesitation and will even fight her if provoked enough. She is not a pacifist, but fighting isn't something she enjoys, she considers it just something she needs to know. She does, however, enjoy kendo, but only in sport. Ten is infinitely patient with her ever clinging sister and has gotten used to being Pita's play toy. She can often be seen with Pita sitting on her shoulders.

**Sakae**

**The Wealthy Fox**

**Parent: **Gaara

**Sex:** Female

**Favorite Food:** Peaches

**Hair: **Silver

**Eyes:** Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques:** She has a Midas Touch with a small difference. What she touches with her hands will usually change into glass or some type of gem, almost never gold.

**Other:** Sakae has to wear special gloves twenty-four because her touch could change someone she loved into a piece of rock. While Naruto and Gaara have no issues with her ability, the other foxes are naturally wary of her and try their hardest not to get in any physical contact. Her ability scares her and she frequently has nightmares of her family being turned to marble which is her greatest fear. She often plays cards with Furi because she feels somewhat close to her and doesn't mind that she always loses.

**Hana**

**The Flower Fox**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex: **Female

**Favorite Food:** Omurice (Rice omelet), curry

**Hair:** Red

**Eyes: **Naruto's demon eyes, but they're green like Gaara's

**Techniques:** She can manipulate and weaponize plants.**  
Other:** Hana is a spacey, sweet-tempered girl who loves flowers and plants almost as much as her family. You could show her the most obscure plant and she would know what it was and if it was edible and what its scientific name was. She causes Naruto grief because she has an inclination to go off into her own little world while she trains. Hana finds it very hard to find the bad in people and is polite to everyone, surprising humans when they find out she's a demon. When Hana isn't off frolicking in the flowers, she likes to clean and cook. Naruto is especially worried because he knows that guys fantasize about a quiet little housewife like her and is afraid she'll be taken advantage of by some creep. Osen has to watch her twice as hard then the rest of his sisters.

**Haruko**

**The Fox of Spring**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex:** Female

**Favorite Food:** Liquor (especially rum and sake)

**Hair:** Strawberry blonde, it's almost pinkish…

**Eyes:** The final child with Shukaku's eyes, as I said before, the pupils only goes into the cross state when she gets mad.

**Techniques:** Like Hana, she controls plants**  
Other:** Haruko has mastery over plant life like her sister, but she views the ability with contempt. She is incredibly envious of Ko and her fire skills, as that would be her preferred gift. Though she has tried many, many times, she cannot create a single flame. She does possess some skills that involve using the earth but disdains them despite Naruto telling her many times that she got her gift for a reason and she should celebrate it. Drinking is one of her favorite pastimes and she started at an early age. Haruko can almost keep up with the adults when she drinks and when she gets drunk, she gets crazy. She has been known on several occasions to start giggling manically for no apparent reason and once stole a bard's guitar and started using it to bash anyone who got too close to her. (Hm…Wonder what anime character I kinda based her off of?)

**Toshiro**

**The Skillful Fox**

**Parent: **Hinata

**Sex:** Male

**Favorite Food:** Watermelon

**Hair: **Brunette

**Eyes:** Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques:** He has no battle techniques that stand out. He's one of the most ordinary of the eighteen.**  
Other: **Toshiro is a skilled craftsman. He can pick up just about any craft and master it in about a week, from knitting to furniture making. When he builds something, he puts it together in a way that it will never come apart. He makes a steady income with his crafts, so he's not worried about life in the outside world. Toshiro has made his mark in the craft world and frequently gets commissions. He spends almost all the money he earns on his hobbies but whatever is left will go to his family. Toshiro enjoys commissions that challenge him, but he likes making things for his parents and siblings more. Since he spends most of his time holed up in his room, he has almost no people relationships aside from Yukio who also spends plenty of time indoors. He enjoys watching Toshiro work and Toshiro doesn't mind Yukio's multiple questions and even taught him a few crafts. (Wow, I used the word 'craft' five times in that summary.)

**Gon**

**The Gold Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex:** Male

**Favorite Food:** Sunflower seeds

**Hair:** Gold (duh.)

**Eyes:** Naruto's demon eyes

**Techniques:** Gon can find the things that people can't stand to see about themselves and will expose them for crippling emotional damage.**  
Other:** Gon has learned to control his dangerous technique, but when he was young he would send many people crying to their rooms because what he had said. Gon has a romantic heart that he keeps to himself, trying to find the one girl that's just perfect for him. He believes in chivalry and that women should be treated with the utmost respect, but not like dainty little glass figurines. His father made sure to raise him well.

**Yami**

**The Dark Fox**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex:** Female

**Favorite Food:** Takoyaki, strawberries

**Hair:** Black

**Eyes:** She has Gaara's eyes

**Techniques:** With an affinity for shadows, she learned how to manipulate them.

**Other:** Yami studied under that lazy bum we know as Shikamaru to learn his art of shadow manipulation. She is rather adept at it, though doesn't always use it the same way he does. She is Yukio's unofficial protector and loves her half-brother dearly. Though her dark name usually places her in the same category as Sayo, the two really don't get along at all. She in fact, has foiled a few of Sayo's attempts to murder Yukio. Her hobbies other than hanging out with Yukio would be dancing and her father gladly got (kidnapped) instructors for her in this art. Naruto is more than glad to support his children in whatever fields they choose, even if it's not pillaging and plundering. Her secret desire is to become a doctor to help take care of her brother, but she's not always sure if she can do it.

**Nao**

**The Truthful Fox**

**Parent:** Gaara

**Sex:** Female

**Favorite Food:** Marshmallows, nuoc mam (A Vietnamese sauce. Ask me about it later.)

**Hair:** Blonde

**Eyes:** Gaara's green eyes

**Techniques:** She can force an enemy to tell the truth about anything, from where a secret document is hidden to the color of their underwear just by looking in their eyes for no less than fifteen seconds.**  
Other: **While Nao can make someone tell the truth, she herself is completely unable to lie. Honesty may be a virtue, but no one should be honest all the time. She has sent chefs away crying by saying their food tastes like crap and has been scolded for telling Ino 'No, that dress doesn't make your butt look big, your butt already was big.' She doesn't mean to be rude like that but she can't help it. It's a bit like Tourette's. She is addicted to nuoc mam and other bizarre fish related dishes like cha, garum, and rakorret, leaving the kitchen imps in tears just like Gaara did so many times while he was pregnant and for some time after. Nao isn't trusted with any secrets by her siblings because she will say them no matter how hard she tries not to.

**Kawa**

**The River Fox**

**Parent:** Hinata

**Sex:** Male

**Favorite Food:** Acorn bread

**Hair:** Brunette

**Eyes:** Byakugan

**Techniques:** Adept at water controlling, unlike his father.**  
Other:** Kawa tends to be the peacemaker for the family. He has a sort of air around him that makes people calm. Standing next to Kawa for just a minute has been known to leave people relaxed and happy. If there's an argument, Kawa is immediately called to solve it. He likes meditating and doesn't worry about much, so others tend to believe that he's reached the state of enlightenment. He is a total pacifist, though he learned fighting just for the sake of his father. Kawa likes reading foreign books and curious instruments, like chanters or taiko drums.

0o0

Well, that was the eighteen, was that good enough?

Chi: It sucked.

Tenshi: Quiet you!

Gaara: Naruto…

Hinata: Naruto…

Naruto: Eh?  
Hinata and Gaara: Let's have sex…

Naruto: A-ano, why do you have that rope? And those handcuffs? And those other sexual torture devices?

Hinata: No reason…

Tenshi: Naruto, run! That many ellipses in that few lines is a bad sign!

Naruto:Sprints off like a madman:

Gaara: I got this handled. :uses sand to bring back Naruto:

Naruto: Nooo! Don't rape meeeeeeeee!!!

Tenshi: It's not rape if you like it. (I can't remember which one of my friends started this.)

Everyone: Indeed.

Kawa: Hi everybody… :glances shyly at the floor:

Everyone: Wow… We feel all floaty and good…

Tenshi: Run while they're distracted!

So Naruto ran off into the hills, never to be seen again for five and a half minutes.  
Next chapter? The all important mystery question will appear and the fate of the story will hang in the balance of your completely capable hands.

serendipity: I made the cow go splodey! Bitch, get off my weasel!

:runs off to maim some unfortunate Itachi fangirls:

Chi: ...You left the story into these people's hands?

Tenshi: By the gods, we're all doomed…


	25. Plots, Pranks, and Prophecies

Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune

Chew me out for having taken forever and a day to update, but you had plenty of things to do in the five months since the last chapter. Some of us have a thing called school and other stories to work on. But whatever. Anyway, the big news is at the end of the chapter and you better not scroll ahead or else it'll be weighing over your head the entire time you read and it'll ruin the reading experience or whatever.

0o0

Ch. 24 Plots, Pranks, and Prophecies

0o0

The couple sat outside, relishing the cool air of late night. Sakura gently rested her hand upon her swollen stomach. She was seven months pregnant and was halfway between enthused and afraid. Enthused because she had a life she would bring into the world. Afraid of what would happen if she did that particular act. She looked up at her moonlit companion.

"When?" She asked with a look of sadness.

"When what?" Her associate queried back with a small smirk. He knew exactly what she wanted to ask.

"When can I tell Neji it's not his baby, that it's yours?"

Kakashi looked up at the vast expanse of stars above their head before answering. "Why would you want to?"

"I don't like living like this. I can see his face already… Kami, he'll be so disappointed. No, that's not a good word. Dissatisfied would be more appropriate. Or maybe just furious. Who really knows?" She gave a satirical smile to the twilight and stretched her hands, fingers wriggling like Congo eels.

"I imagine you would, considering you're his wife or whatever. Besides, it might look like you. He'd never know the difference."

"I would know and I couldn't keep that secret every single day. And what if it looks like you? What then?" she demanded, eyes narrowing in her young face to betray her mental maturity.

"If you're so worried about this, then kill it." Kakashi muttered bitterly.

"I could never do something like that! I couldn't take a life that hasn't even begun…"

In the bushes about fifty yards away, Neji watched the two, straining to listen. He didn't quite trust the copy ninja. Even before they had come to this place, he had disdained the overly aloof manner of the older man. Perhaps if he channeled some chakra into his ears, he would hear them. Getting too close would possibly result in an abrupt entrance back into their separate rooms.

"Spying is a nasty habit, Neji-kun." An annoyingly familiar voice whispered in his ear.

"What do you want, Naruto?" He hissed, feeling Naruto teasing his claws up and down his back. The only reason why he stayed here with that damn demon was because Sakura did.

"You should stop spying on your wife."

"Go back to your little monsters." Neji said, making an unsuccessful attempt to turn around so that he may spit on the blonde.

"Demons, Neji-chan, demons." Naruto corrected him with a devil's grin.

'_**Papa!'**_ Osen yipped as he tugged on Naruto's sleeve, thankfully providing a distraction from Neji.

Of course, that wasn't to say the sudden arrival didn't give the brunette a bit of a shock. Those foxes were quite dainty in their stride, you know.

"Holy sh- !" Neji yelped in alarm.

__

'_**You're getting very good at sneaking up on people you two.'**_ Naruto remarked as Shura caught up with her brother and glomped Naruto enthusiastically.

'_**We caught a thing!'**_ Shura remarked happily, wagging her little tails feverishly.

'_**Oooh, what kind of thing?'**_

'_**It has horns.'**_ Osen exclaimed, not wanting to be left out of the conversation.

'_**But no fangs.'**_ Shura added.

'_**A short tail.'**_

'_**And hooves.'**_

"Stop that demon language!" Naruto demanded angrily as he finally stood up to round upon the three.

"Kami, Neji. That stick up your ass makes you sound like a total bitch. You should take it out. You're so pathetic that you have to spy on your wife because you're so damn insecure." Naruto retorted as Shura and Osen growled at the one who had dared to challenge their father.

"Should you be cursing in front of your children?"

"Don't tell me how to raise them, Neji." Naruto snarled.

"Yeah! Shut the hell up, human!" Shura yelled as she bared her baby fangs. Why would a human try to bother a greater demon?

"Why can't you have normal kids? They're just ten months old and they act like they're two already."

"Don't blame me for the fact that demon young age quickly."

"Yeah, Neji-san! You suck!" the two children yelled in unison.

"Your hell-spawn brats are driving me insane."

Naruto decided to ignore Neji and said, _**'Let's go see that thing you caught!'**_

'_**Oh yeah! It's brown, but not!'**_ Osen gibbered as he dragged his father away, tongue tripping over itself as he awaited Naruto's commendation when he saw their accomplishment.

"At least put some clothes on them!" Neji yelled after them. He turned back to spy on Sakura some more.

Both she and Kakashi were gone.

'_Damn fox.'_

I0I0I0I0I

A half-grown buck was dead on the ground, the last remnants of its blood seeping from a wound its carotid artery. Its eyes had glossed into marbles of death and Osen, no longer able to restrain himself, ripped open its flank and began gnawing on the raw muscle there. He purred in content as he licked the dark blood from the ground to cleanse his palate and smiled at his father with a bloodstained mouth. Shura, wishing to be a good girl for the moment, stood back and awaited praise.

'_**You did a good job. But be careful when you kill something like this. They can get dangerous sometimes.'**_

'_**We caught another thing too!'**_ Shura squealed as she led Naruto to the rest of the eighteen, leaving her brother to rip into the deer as he pleased.

The sixteen other children, except for Yukio, who at the time was sleeping by a tree, sat on the corpse of one of his demon guards. The head was at a crooked angle, its bat like wings were bent the wrong way, and several of its talons had been ripped off. A matching pair of eyes that had been liberated from their sockets gazed up at Naruto who was proud of the surprising carnage.

'_**You killed a sentry?'**_

__

'_**What's that?' **_Hana asked as she weaved a daisy through her bloody red hair.

'_**Someone who keeps bad people away.'**_

'_**You mean like you, daddy?'**_ Pita asked as she clambered next to the blonde, determined to make him take notice of her.

Another sentry, this one a naga, approached Naruto reverently. _**'It's okay Kitsune-dono. No one liked Roe.'**_

'_**Are you sure? Does he have a family? I'd be willing to pay reparations.'**_

'_**No, no family at all.'**_

Naruto nodded dismissal and the lizard shuffled away. He turned his gaze back onto his children.

'_**Who delivered the death blow?''**_

'_**Yuki-chan did.'**_ Yami said as she pointed at him.

The boy's pristine white hair was covered in thick blood and entrails as he had a fitful sleep. He twitched and writhed in discomfort as his nightmare continued. Naruto couldn't stand to see his child in pain.

'_**Yukio, wake up.'**_

The young boy opened his eyes slowly and looked towards his father. Had he stayed asleep even longer, the beastly things that pursued him in his dreams might have captured him. They were the ones who tormented him while he suffered his sleeping delusions and made him watch as his family fall to the ground one by one, blood pooling around them and transforming into deep red rose petals. No matter how much he cried and pleaded, they always laughed and hissed that it was his fault his family was dead. He wasn't even safe from them in a wakeful state because there was no way to predict when they would come to torture him yet again.

'_**Papa…The scary things were after me…'**_

'_**It's okay, Yukio. I'll protect you from them.'**_ Naruto said as he picked up the gore-soaked little boy and held him close.

Sayo growled. Again and again she was ignored because of that damn seer brat. She had to be her fathers' favorite. Sure, Gaara paid attention to her a little more often than her siblings because she was a tanuki instead of a fox and he could relate to her because of it. That wasn't enough. She needed Naruto's attention the most.

She clenched her tiny fists into balls and yelled, _**'Why's the runt so important? Just because he changed for a—'**_

'_**He changed?'**_ Naruto looked down at his son in alarm. He hadn't accessed his full fox form until he was how old? But for it to manifest so young, that could be a potential problem.

'_**Yeah! And he killed the sentry! Stupid runt!'**_ she hissed, her eyes going into their cross state, flashing gold dangerously.

'_**Stop that! Don't you ever badmouth your brother!' **_Naruto snarled, shocking all of his kits. Never before had he been aggressive towards any of them.

'_**I…Daddy, I…'**_ Sayo broke into tears, ears drooping miserably, her whole body shuddering with her loud sobs.

Naruto felt guilty. He shouldn't yell at them for petty things like this. Shifting Yukio to one arm, he reached out to Sayo, offering to pick her up to comfort her as well. She swatted his hand with her spiky tail and ran away. Humans of this age would not be able to run, but she was a demon. Humans of this age also would not understand what she felt. Sayo was ashamed that she had done something to make her father angered. And it was all because of Yukio. Rage bubbled up inside her and she screamed in 

frustration, sand whipping around her to express how she felt. Thus the war between the siblings had begun.

I0I0I0I0I

One month later Sakura lay on the same hospital bed that Hinata had nearly a year earlier. The pain was unimaginable. And it was just two! How had Gaara and Hinata managed nine each? Neji stood beside her, giving a smile that was multisided. Nervous, yet excited, certain and yet… Worried. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile before the pain took over again.

"We see the head!" Naruto reported.  
Neji, who was pissed at the fact that demon was looking at his wife _down there_, took a brief look, and then fainted. Hey, he was a delicate sort of guy.

"Congratulations. You're the mother of two healthy young children."

Neji heard this as he awoke. Kami, he felt like he'd been hit in the head with a brick. Glancing around quickly, he discovered that he'd been pushed aside carelessly and was lying in the corner. He straightened himself as he stood, regaining his sense of Hyuuga pride and approached the bed. The demon smiled at him with contempt and Neji practically could feel his own hair bristling.

"Do I get any congrats?"

"For what?" the smile on Naruto's lips grew wider.

"I'm their father. …Aren't I?" His ivory eyes snapped towards Sakura, who held the twins.

Neji spied a small tuft of hair on the girl's soft head. It was silvery gray.

"I'm so sorry, Neji…" Sakura apologized.

"Where's that son of a bitch? I'll kill him!"

"Right here." The jonin replied as he appeared from the shadows.

"How dare you do that to my wife?" he turned back to Sakura. "How dare you let him?"

"He said he would kill you if I didn't!" Sakura yelled back, close to tears.

"Did you like it?" He was disgusted how weak Sakura had been. She said it was to save his life, but he would have eagerly fought the older shinobi in a fair contest.

"I—"

"Did you?"

"I…" she seemed like she was hurting on the inside and found that her voice seemed to have disappeared.

Kakashi decided to add gasoline to the fire as he spoke up. "Of course she did. I can pleasure her in ways you can't even imagine."

Neji ground his teeth and flung a shuriken at Kakashi, rage blinding reason. Kakashi blocked it with ease, seeming bemused at the whole thing. He was getting frustrated with this whole ridiculous triangle. If he couldn't kill Kakashi, then he'd just kill the two who were causing this problem. A murderous roar leapt out of his mouth as he lunged at the newborns. He stopped short when he found a kunai in Sakura's hands at his jugular. What was she doing?

"You can't take an innocent life just because of who their family is. That's not right. These are my children and you'll have to kill me before you can get to them."

Neji took a step back and exhaled deeply. What was he thinking? He had been about to murder children.

"Sakura…"

"Yes?" she asked, hoping for the best.

"…My kids are going to be better than his."

Sakura relaxed and smiled. Neji had found the light of reason. For this she was grateful because she would hate having Neji despise her because of these children.

"Let's get out of here." Naruto whispered to Kakashi and Hinata (who was acting both as nurse and bodyguard, prepared to break out a gun at the drop of a hat) and the three left silently.

"Neji…"

"Yes?"

"Now I'm worried about something." Sakura said as the babies dozed off.

"About what?"

"If our children are as wild as Naruto's, I don't think I could handle it."

Neji chuckled, finding it to be so like her. "Trust me; _no one_ could have kids as wild as his. It's scientifically impossible."

He grimaced, remembering a certain incident involving glitter last week. Dammit, he was still finding glitter in his ass!

"If they are, please kill me."

I0I0I0I0I

The group fell into a schedule and had even begun to create their own village to pass the extra time. Sure, for now it was only them living there, but it could grow. Even with two years passed, it was small and there weren't really specific positions that had been put into effect. Sakura, who was heavy with child again, watched as Naruto's litter got into trouble. The eighteen were lined up, grinning mischievously. Obviously, they had done something.

"All right. Whose plan was it this time?" Naruto queried, pacing back and forward up the line.

Hana raised her hand as high as she could and so did Osen and Shura. They had done good this time!

"I know tricks are funny, but you don't need to do them so much. Once a week should suffice, not three to nine times a day. Let's see what you've gone and done now."

As if almost on cue, Lee walked (or rather, hopped, seeing as his legs were tied together) up to Naruto. He was spray painted sparkly nuclear neon pink and had a rather splintery wooden bucket to which his hands appeared to be glued to. Naruto briefly noted that his nails were now the same color as his clothes before he sighed and apologized, eliciting a surprising comment from his kits.

"Don't apologize to humans! It was probably their fault in the first place!" Sakae yelled.

"Who on earth taught you that?"

"If we told you, you'd eat them." Koku and Shiro said in unison, ears twitching in perfect harmony.

Naruto looked to his favorite daughter for this moment, the one who'd tell him the truth because she couldn't help it.

"Nao-chan, tell me which sentry was spouting such stupidity so I can impregnate him with only a box of Corn Flakes, a needle, and some Vaseline, without even taking off my pants, and from there I will destroy him with my awesome might."

In a clear, bell-like tone she replied, "I don't know which one. Sorry."

Naruto looked slightly disappointed, then turned back to Lee. He lifted the bucket straight up then blinked in shock about forty nine times before trying to speak.

"Er… On second thought, you might wanna keep that on."

Lee's face was covered in several layers of makeup that made him look like a kabuki actor, but with more pastel shades. His eye shadow was sky blue that contrasted starkly with the excessive amount of blush that made him look like he had severe sunburn, while the rest of his face was pure white. A smear of dark green lipstick gave furthered his appearance of a deranged clown who'd snorted too much crack before he put on his makeup and the kits had made a haphazard attempt to put fake eyelashes on poor Lee. There were several gold bows in his hair to finish the crack-tastic style and Naruto was at a loss for words. Furi, who seemed to be waiting for this particular moment, pulled a mirror out of her pocket and showed Lee his reflection.

Silence and then…

"I'm… So beautiful!" The youthful nin sobbed, causing his mascara to run.

Everyone made a face like this: O.O

Simply because there was no other way to react properly.

"Your children have made this the happiest day of my life! I can die happy now!"

As Lee went off on some stupid rant followed by some song from 'The Sound of Music' an earsplitting roar echoed in the distance. Naruto let the power of a response rumble in his stomach before he replied with a roar just as loud and this went on back and forth for about a minute or so. The children sat back, curious as to what was going on.

"Daddy, who was that?" Haruko asked eagerly. Perhaps it was a fire master. She prayed there was someone out there who could teach her to control fire like Ko could.

"That was my dad." Naruto replied with a large smile. It had been ages since he'd seen Kyuubi.

"Yay! Grandpa!" the children cheered, excited to meet their grandfather for the first time.

As Lee went off on yet another stupid tirade, he was nearly crushed as the mighty orange beast known as Kyuubi strode into the clearing before them. Needless to say, the fox was surprised to see a pack of three year olds charging him.

'_**What the—'**_

'_**Get down!'**_ Naruto shouted at his children, but they were too fascinated by Kyuubi to care for once as they crawled over every square inch of the fox.

'_**Now you know how I felt with you.'**_ He turned back and snarled at a kit that was getting too close to his family jewels, if you know what I mean. _**'Get away from there!'**_

'_**I missed you, dad.'**_

'_**I missed you too, kit. These brats are yours, right?'**_

'_**Yes.'**_

'_**Tch, they're underdeveloped.'**_ Kyuubi scoffed as he swatted Koku and Shiro with his tails for trying to climb into his nose.

'_**Excuse me? No they're not! Show him!'**_

The kits hopped off the older fox and got back into a line like they had been in before the demon had arrived. Eighteen sets of ears and tails appeared as Kyuubi scrutinized the row as the rest of the little community came outside to see what was going on. He admired aloud the fact that five of them had the Byakugan and complimented his breeding choice. Hinata, who had arrived moments earlier, barely flinched when the demon began sniffing her to recognize her scent and then turned to Gaara, who greeted him quietly. He straightened up and contemplated his next words.

'_**Nice choices kit, but you couldn't have gotten a Sharigan?'**_

__

'_**No.'**_

'_**Why not?'**_

'_**I only know three and I don't love any of them.'**_

'_**So? You don't breed for love.'**_

'_**I do.'**_

'_**Then all these kits came just from these two? Why do you have all these humans here?'**_

'_**They're friends.'**_

'…_**All demons do need a good pack of humans to do their errands.'**_

A large part of the eighteen howled their agreement. Even though they lived amongst them, they couldn't quite understand the concept of equality. Humans were humans. Demons were demons. What was to be said? It was worst with Sayo, whose tail bristled until her fur stood out straight like a bull thistle if she ever came remotely close to a human.__Once, Sakura had made a dress for Ko that turned out to be too big for the little pyromaniac, so she offered to the night fox and Sayo had proceeded to filter dark chakra into her little teeth and bite her. Sakura nearly lost her arm because of it and happily stayed her distance from the girl. Koku and Shiro went along with Sayo sometimes because they didn't want to get on her bad side (though most of the eighteen already were), but they found humans to be more like things to play with than to despise. Sayo couldn't even see them as true brothers because every time she saw them, she saw Hinata's eyes and remembered that they were half human after all. She wasn't, Gaara's children weren't. They had more demon blood in them than Hinata's stupid kits. They were special.

She was special.

She was better than all of those other brats, she knew it.

Kyuubi noticed the dejected looking girl standing away from the other kits and licked her head with his heavy tongue. _**'Tanuki, eh? I bet Shukaku's pleased with you.'**_

He lifted his angular head and took a deep breath through his nose, sniffing in the many scents of the little village. _**'Do I smell food? You wouldn't hold out on your dad, would you?'**_

'_**You know there's not enough for you. Let's go hunting.' **_Naruto sighed and looked to the seemingly never-ending forests and Kyuubi's lips curled into a fox smile, baring his black gums.

'_**Hey grandpa, how come dad's not a fox like you?'**_ Furi queried as she resumed swarming over Kyuubi's body with the rest of the kits.

A mischievous glint twinkled in Naruto's eyes. _**'But I am.'**_

He shifted into his fox form, rivaling Kyuubi's size but with resplendent gold fur instead of a smoldering orange. The children gasped in awe and leapt from Kyuubi to Naruto who told them to go eat dinner. Pita, who was the only one to dare stay behind, strongly lived up to her namesake as she clung to Naruto's back.

'_**Pita-chan, go eat.'**_

'_**I wanna go with you.'**_

And rather suddenly, all of the kits decided to be headstrong and climbed back on the two foxes. Save for one. Toshiro had lost interest in the whole situation. He wasn't really interested in all that demon-human rivalry and things like that. Simple work satisfied him. Toshiro wasn't the type to try and take over the world. Too much to maintain and there were all those people you'd have to manipulate and exert power over and it was just too much of a hassle to lie, cheat, and steal his way to the top. He sat cross-legged on the ground and plucked grass out by the roots, swiftly weaving it into a design he had yet to come up with.

His siblings could take over the world on their own time.

'_**You might see some scary things.' **_Naruto remarked, trying to dissuade his many children from the hunt, but they were just as pigheaded as he was.

'_**That's okay.'**_

'_**They really are like you. You know what they say, 'the hell you give to your parents lives on in your own children twice as strong'.'**_ Kyuubi snickered.

"Now you know how I feel when you don't listen to me!" Gaara yelled at his husband, having learned to interpret the demon language as he really didn't have much else to do.

'_**You kits obviously aren't going anywhere, so let's go!'**_ Naruto bayed proudly and three generations of demons went hunting.

I0I0I0I0I

After a brief trot and approximately twenty four minutes of searching of the undergrowth, there was a deep growl. Naruto and Kyuubi exchanged glances. It hadn't been either of them. A large bear-like demon lifted itself from the grass and approached them on all fours. It reared up on its hind legs; long, shaggy fur swinging as it lumbered closer. Kyuubi was unimpressed by its blood crusted claws and the low grunts it gave as its red eyes glinted with malice. It opened its mouth, saliva dripping off its thick, ivory fangs as it bellowed. Naruto ignored the hot blast of stale air that had just been blown into his face and waited for it to do _something._ Since it thought it was being ignored, it roared again, its base-loaded cry starting to grate on the foxes' nerves.

'_**Shut your damn mouth and tell us what you want!'**_ Naruto growled.

'_**That's a paradox, kit. He can't tell us if his mouth is shut.'**_ Kyuubi gave a slow chuckle that further enraged the bear.

__

'_**You know what I mean. Now seriously, what do you want?'**_

'_**Kitsune no Kyuubi!'**_ The bear bellowed, hitting the foxes with another wet breath.

'_**Which one?'**_

'_**The younger! I will kill you!'**_

A swarm of winged beasties of a multicolored hodgepodge rose from the trees and shrieked. Kyuubi was getting extremely pissed. Was it too much to ask for some quiet? I mean really, bear demons were so stupid, they couldn't stay quiet for long without trying to rip someone's throat out. This would end quickly. Naruto took a deep breath and let an inferno burst from his mouth, scorching the enemies in a single mighty flame. The useless leader fell with his idiotic minions, cooked all the way through. The kits crooned how cool their father was and they clambered haphazardly off the fox, going to rip horns and things such as that from the burning carcasses. They sure hadn't inherited any Hyuuga squeamishness. Of course, Naruto wasn't surprised by Gaara's kits.

'_**Easiest hunting trip **__**ever.**__**'**_ Kyuubi remarked as he and his son ripped into the bear.

Osen and Shura, wanting to be just like their father, tried to bite one of the winged demons, but received a whack from one of Naruto's tails.

'_**Don't eat that. It's poisonous.'**_

The two rubbed their aching heads, muttering the foulest demon obscenities under their breath. Since they couldn't eat anything, they turned their attention to the other kits.

Primarily Ko.

The girl had found a large stick and was using it to push smoldering corpses into a large, stinking pile. She was satisfied when she had about fifteen bodies and she pulled the black ribbon that had been tying her hair up out of its ribbon and held it by its tip in her little fingers. A flame snaked over the strip of 

fabric and when she dropped it into the pile, it exploded into a blaze that engulfed everything in it. Naruto would be upset with her for setting her ribbon on fire again, but she didn't care. The fire was too pretty for her to be concerned with what Naruto thought. It danced and devoured its fuel hungrily and she loved it. She loved it almost as much as she loved her parents.

But not quite.

Of course, Sakae had to go and ruin her fun by taking off her gloves and turning the fire into a giant piece of orange-red glass. Ko frowned at her sister and pouted insolently. Sakae really didn't give a damn. That girl was going to get hurt with her obsession someday and she'd rather have an angry sister than a dead one. The crimson fox stalked off to start her fires elsewhere and Sakae slipped her gloves back on. She admired the cream colored pieces of her attire she never took off. They had been specially crafted for her and enchanted with dozens upon dozens of layers of spells to keep her curse in check. She admired the red pentagram mixed with the spiral that kept fox demon magic contained. She'd had them as long as she could remember and she'd have to wear them for the rest of her life if she didn't want to destroy all that she held dear. They'd grow with her so she'd never have to get new pairs unless several hundred seals all broke at the same time and the gloves began to get damaged. Who could love a creature like her? She could never take them off, even if she wanted to touch the skin of her beloved.

She could never be allowed to truly feel.

'_**Want to play, Sacchan?'**_ Furi, the most fortunate of all the foxes, asked with a large smile, extending her hand to her sister.

If only she knew how much that hand meant to Sakae. But she wasn't quite mature enough to understand.

'_**Yeah…'**_ Sakae tentatively touched Furi's hand as she always did, seeing if her sister would suddenly turn to stone like she did in her dreams, then gripped it tightly when she did not.

And the final member of the family we'll turn our attention to for this time was gathering blackened feathers before he dropped to the ground and began to convulse, feathers scattering over the ground. Naruto cried Yukio's name as he went into his human form and dashed to the boy. As Yukio shook, he began to speak in voice that didn't seem to be quite his.

'_**Be wary of the one with tails of three,**_

_**Who shall poison our family with her devilry.**_

_**Should thee rise our kind may conquer or fall,**_

_**If we lose then we lose all.**_

_**Scorn the traitor who hides within,**_

_**Should they die, we shall win.**_

_**Strive strong, never break,**_

_**True inner demon never wake.**_

_**Destroy the snow and boil the rain,**_

_**Fight anything to stop this pain.**_

_**Seek the one who speaks with sky,**_

_**The wings of dark against us fly.**_

_**Win and with the power of grand,**_

_**Humans fall, demons stand.**_

_**The raven to the devil,**_

__

_**He said this at the least,**_

_**The power of the fang and claw,**_

_**The rule of the beast.'**_

He then fainted in Naruto's arms, breathing returning to normal. The vision had taken too much out of him.

"What is this?" Naruto murmured in confusion.

I0I0I0I0I

Yukio slept with a mild fever for the rest of the evening as Hinata, Gaara, Kyuubi, and Naruto pondered over the meaning of the boy's prophecy. The tails of three had to be Sanbi, but neither of the foxes had seen her in years. Not much else made sense. Dark wings, traitors, and someone speaking to the sky? Why did prophecies have to be so cryptic?

"Argh! I don't get this! Something bad is going to happen and we don't know what to do because this doesn't make any sense!" Naruto complained loudly.

'_**Kit, if it made any sense, it wouldn't be a prophecy.'**_

0o0

Okay children, what have we learned this chapter?

Sakura has fraternal twins by Kakashi and (as you'll learn next time) a son by Neji.

Yukio is kind of emo because of all his visions and all the pain he suffers.

Sayo has serious daddy issues_ really _hates humans.

Lee feels pretty.

Bear demons are morons.

Ko is a pyro.

Sakae is lonely and might go… Nah, I'll keep that to myself. (Evil grin)

Tenshi can write a pretty flippin' awesome prophecy when she puts her mind to it.

Anyway, that's what you've learned.

Chi: Ahem. You've put them on edge the entire chapter. Get this over with.

Tenshi: Alright. Anyway, when I put up the cracktastic filler chapters, I noticed something. I got a lot of messages like 'OMG, this is the best chapter so far' and 'I love this chapter' and things like that. So that's when this whole dilemma was created. You all really seem to like the really, really, excessively silly chapters. But personally, I want to take the story in a more serious direction. We're talking character deaths (hopefully you picked more than one favorite kit, because there WILL be deaths in the family and that's not just counting the foxes because everyone is fair game), battles scenes, and things that generally happen in serious-ish fics. That's not to say the humor will die, I'll make sure to have plenty of silly moments, but it's the overall idea that's the thing. I wondered if I should leave the story as is and just slap a finished label on it or… Well, just go down to the next line.

So I'll ask you, my most precious readers, this simple question.

Should I continue with Kitsune no Kyuubi, Naruto no Kitsune?

It's up to you because every comment counts.

So will it be a yes or no?

Sincerely,

YamiTenshi


End file.
